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see, here's the thing... Between being a graduate student and then going back to teach college, I've had the chance to get to know some really great people in their late teens or just entering their twenties. So many of them seemed so full of life, so outgoing, so energetic, so happy...but in a few cases, as I got to know them well, I realized all was not as it seemed. Once you start peeling back the layers and really getting to know someone, it's common to find that everything isn't perfect. With some people it's obvious they're unhappy, but with others, you really have to listen to what they're saying to hear them when they ask for help. You should realize that if you're having problems -- whether it's obvious to the world or everyone thinks you're Mister/Miss Perfect -- it's okay!! It's not unusual to have things going wrong, or to be confused, but the trick is to approach these issues and deal with them rather than letting them build until you reach a breaking point. It's important to try to control the things you can, and change what you can change, while trying to let go of the things you CAN'T control, and try not to stress over them. Easy to say, hard to do. It took me until my mid-20s to start doing that, but when I did, life got SO much better. I went through some tough times as a teen, and nothing magical happened when I turned 18, or 21, or 25...I just had to deal with things and work at making them better. Some friends were there to help me along the way, so just in case you feel like you're alone, here are some thoughts to show you that you're not. Click on the links below to get some information. And if you've managed to put these problems behind you, maybe this will make you remember what it's like, and encourage you to help out someone else who might be troubled. |
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Some
Random Thoughts....
A friend told me something once that disturbed me. He was telling me that he'd had sex the other day, and that for the first time, he had used a condom. "First time"?????? What is THAT all about? People, please, please, PLEASE realize that you should ALWAYS use a condom when you have sex! The only exception to that should be MAYBE when you've been in a committed, monogomous relationship for a long time (at least 9 months or a year), you've both been tested for sexually transmitted diseases more than once, and you totally trust each other not to mess around outside the relationship. A lot of young people seem to think they won't get HIV, or that with all the new drugs it's no big deal, but it IS a big deal!!! HIV always leads to AIDS (so far, anyway) and that kills people WAY too young. There are also other things you can get, things that, once you get them, they NEVER go away, like hepatitis, herpes, and other nasty things. There are a lot of people out there who would like to meet you some day (like me, for instance) so please don't end your life early -- BE SAFE!!!
When people first come to terms with
being gay, it's easy to think "I need a boyfriend/girlfriend
NOW!!!!!!"
The truth is, you don't. If you go looking for a relationship
just
so you can say "Look at me! I'm in a relationship!!" you're going
to be awfully disappointed. Wait for the right person, that
special
someone, to come along. Sure, you should definitely be out there,
meeting folks, getting to know people, because otherwise it'll be
pretty
tough to meet the right person, BUT don't date someone just to be
dating
someone. That's a sure way to end up hurt.
Don't try to live all of your life when you're young. Let it stretch out over time. You don't have to do everything before you're 25. If you do, the rest of your life will be boring.
I first put these pages together back in 2000 when a young friend of mine from the clubs and a friend of his (the two pictured above with the cake) showed up at my home one Sunday night after their parents had kicked them out. They were both seniors in high school and 17 years old at the time. They crashed there for a few nights, then patched things up with their parents. Both went through some tough and confusing times during and after high school, but they both turned 24 this summer and have fantastic lives. One teaches dance to high school students, was in a movie that came out last summer, and is on his way to design school in Europe this fall; the other is a senior programmer at AOL where he’s responsible for a lot of their streaming media. More importantly, they are happy with who they are, they have great friends, they have good relationships with their parents, and they've turned into very mature and very fun men. We’re all still close friends and I love them like younger brothers. They are proof that you CAN overcome anything and go on to a great life!!!!
One
night at a club in DC a few years ago I had a FABULOUS
time. After dancing hard for about an hour, I realized something:
I was totally transfixed by this guy's glowsticks. He gave me a
little
light show, then gave me his sticks. Later, when I was hanging
out
upstairs talking to people I didn't know, I realized how good it felt
to
have someone touching my leg or rubbing my shoulders, and I was really
enjoying talking to these folks I hadn't met before. It felt kind
of like being on Ecstacy is supposed to feel, but here's the funny
thing:
I've never taken Ecstacy in my life. In fact, I've never taken
any
drug (except alcohol, and I control it rather than the other way
around), so I just had to assume this is the same sort of feeling
my friends who do X are talking about. But I was totally on a
natural
high, I felt like I was 18 again all night (until I got up the next day
following 3 hours of sleep after going to bed at 6am -- I felt more
like
58 <grin>) and it was just an absolutely fun experience. I
hope
I can capture that feeling again sometime, it was really nice to see
what
kind of potential my mind has to offer!!!!!
If you think I should add something, or you want to offer me some feedback, please drop me a note.
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