Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Some Final Thoughts on Singapore
Work-wise, Singapore was a great opportunity for me. I met with government officials not only from there but also from other countries at their embassies. I also had a chance to visit a local university, which was very useful for a number of reasons, to be explained in a future post.
And I like Singapore. It's a city where I feel comfortable (the heat notwithstanding) and I've found people there to be pretty friendly. I also developed an affection for durian ice cream, though upon trying durian juice (and throwing half of it away) I'm pretty sure I won't be trying the fruit itself any time soon.
I did a bit of shopping in Singapore, met some very cool new people (hi Jonathan! hi Vic!), and generally had a good time, much of that due to DanielHenry, who was in town on a buying trip for work the first 4 days I was there.
We hung out together Sunday and Tuesday nights, and had lunch Wednesday before he returned to KL. It was great to finally get to talk with him face-to-face...he's a sweetheart and I'm glad I know him. And he was a big help to me, since the friend I was supposed to meet up with Sunday night told me, when I called him after arriving, "I have a wedding dinner to go to tonight."
This was the start of something that bugged me, and it almost left me with a bad taste of Singapore in my mouth, until I realized how to get over it. I've known this friend for a few years, though we only met in person when I first visited SG 2 years ago. He has said things to me that make me think I'm an important person in his life, and we made some specific plans for this visit, but when I showed up that was all changed with no warning. Part of that was due to work, which I understand but which also would have been nice to know. Since we had (I thought) such a close relationship, I had not made plans with other SG friends (or in most cases, had not even let them know I was coming) because I wanted to have the flexibility to work around my friend's schedule. What i didn't realize was, I didn't really fit into his schedule...even when he had time off, and wanted to go out, it was in a group rather than one-on-one (and I had some things to discuss with him privately, something I'd told him the day I arrived).
What bugged me wasn't so much that he didn't have time for me -- I don't expect people to rearrange their lives just because I'm flying into town -- but instead, it's that he told me one thing in advance, and then another when I arrived, and had I known how unavailable he would be, I would have made other plans. Even during the week he'd say "we'll do this, this, and this," but when the time for "this" came along, suddenly everything changed. I think the point where it really got to me was the night I wa supposed to go out with him and his friends after work and he called me and said "they're all still at work, no one can go out, so I guess we won't go." Um, I could still go out...but he didn't seem interested in spending any one-on-one time. I got the sense that he was saying what he thought I wanted to hear, and then reality was intruding at the last minute. Of course, all I wanted to hear was the truth, not false promises.
I try to be very careful what I say to people online because I know there's a good chance I'll be seeing these people in person someday (when you consider how many people around the world I've met in person because of their blogs, it's a little scary). But I'm realizing not everyone does that. For some, i think it's easy to say one thing to a person 10,000 miles away, but harder to follow up on it when they're right in front of you.
Though I was upset, I got over it, but that doesn't mean things are the same. While I still like my friend a lot, I am recognizing the limitations of that friendship, something I'll keep in mind the next time I come over.
And the next time, I'll let other people know I'm coming.
But at least I got to spend more time getting to know DanielHenry!
And I like Singapore. It's a city where I feel comfortable (the heat notwithstanding) and I've found people there to be pretty friendly. I also developed an affection for durian ice cream, though upon trying durian juice (and throwing half of it away) I'm pretty sure I won't be trying the fruit itself any time soon.
I did a bit of shopping in Singapore, met some very cool new people (hi Jonathan! hi Vic!), and generally had a good time, much of that due to DanielHenry, who was in town on a buying trip for work the first 4 days I was there.
We hung out together Sunday and Tuesday nights, and had lunch Wednesday before he returned to KL. It was great to finally get to talk with him face-to-face...he's a sweetheart and I'm glad I know him. And he was a big help to me, since the friend I was supposed to meet up with Sunday night told me, when I called him after arriving, "I have a wedding dinner to go to tonight."
This was the start of something that bugged me, and it almost left me with a bad taste of Singapore in my mouth, until I realized how to get over it. I've known this friend for a few years, though we only met in person when I first visited SG 2 years ago. He has said things to me that make me think I'm an important person in his life, and we made some specific plans for this visit, but when I showed up that was all changed with no warning. Part of that was due to work, which I understand but which also would have been nice to know. Since we had (I thought) such a close relationship, I had not made plans with other SG friends (or in most cases, had not even let them know I was coming) because I wanted to have the flexibility to work around my friend's schedule. What i didn't realize was, I didn't really fit into his schedule...even when he had time off, and wanted to go out, it was in a group rather than one-on-one (and I had some things to discuss with him privately, something I'd told him the day I arrived).
What bugged me wasn't so much that he didn't have time for me -- I don't expect people to rearrange their lives just because I'm flying into town -- but instead, it's that he told me one thing in advance, and then another when I arrived, and had I known how unavailable he would be, I would have made other plans. Even during the week he'd say "we'll do this, this, and this," but when the time for "this" came along, suddenly everything changed. I think the point where it really got to me was the night I wa supposed to go out with him and his friends after work and he called me and said "they're all still at work, no one can go out, so I guess we won't go." Um, I could still go out...but he didn't seem interested in spending any one-on-one time. I got the sense that he was saying what he thought I wanted to hear, and then reality was intruding at the last minute. Of course, all I wanted to hear was the truth, not false promises.
I try to be very careful what I say to people online because I know there's a good chance I'll be seeing these people in person someday (when you consider how many people around the world I've met in person because of their blogs, it's a little scary). But I'm realizing not everyone does that. For some, i think it's easy to say one thing to a person 10,000 miles away, but harder to follow up on it when they're right in front of you.
Though I was upset, I got over it, but that doesn't mean things are the same. While I still like my friend a lot, I am recognizing the limitations of that friendship, something I'll keep in mind the next time I come over.
And the next time, I'll let other people know I'm coming.
But at least I got to spend more time getting to know DanielHenry!
Labels: Blogging, Friends, Life, Travel
Friday, December 07, 2007
A Few Random Thoughts
Yes, it's Friday night, and I'm home blogging.
We had our first snow this week. It was a small one. I like snow. Specifically, I like so that is so heavy, my office is closed and I can stay home.
I need a haircut.
There are more people in my condo's gym now. Two reasons for that, I think. First, there are the people who would walk or run outside, but now that the snow's here they've moved inside. Then there is the post-Thanksgiving crowd, the "oh no, I put on so much weight, I'm really going to start working out now!" people. They will fade out by Christmas, but then we will get the New Year's Resolution people for a couple weeks in January.
A lot of these people are carrying on conversations while walking on the treadmill or talking on the cell phones, or whatever. I don't really care if people want a hard workout or not, that's their business, but when I get into the gym and can't get on a treadmill or elliptical machine because of these people, then I get annoyed.
Danny is on vacation in Hong Kong now. Lucky bastard.
Linh has final exams now. I do not miss taking those at all. Nor do I miss grading those things.
I have been Christmas shopping and it feels good!
Tonight I made cookies. New recipe. We'll see how that works out.
The mall shooting in Omaha, Nebraska hit home for me this eek. That, of course, is where I went to high school, and I know that mall very well. The shooter is from Bellevue the town where I lived, though he went to a different high school. It's weird to see familiar places all over the news again in a tragedy. (I was also pretty familiar with Virginia Tech, the site of our worst shooting ever last spring)
I think it's time for the Christmas tree to go up.
My office Christmas party was today. It was a bowling party. Somehow, that doesn't quite say "Christmas" to me. I skipped it and stayed at the office catching up on work.
Kester in Honolulu is taking a choral class and is performing a couple concerts at a local mall. THAT says Christmas!
Kester, by the way, knows someone else I know from Singapore besides knowing Allan. Again, I am amazed by how tiny this world is sometimes. Facebook helps keep everything straight...even the gays.
My Gaylasian friends have discovered Facebook. I love that. I love them. I miss them.
San Francisco was a lot of fun. I like that city. Though Honolulu was warmer.
I find I'm getting out and doing more on the weeknights, and that is a good thing.
Richmond Michael will move away in a week and that makes me sad.
Eddie in Malaysia just started a new term at his university this week.
There are things in the air, amazing possibilities that are just a short reach away...we'll see what comes of them.
I'm glad I made it to the gym 4 times this week as planned, but the numbers on the scale haven't changed in a week. Not that they could change very much, of course.
We had our first snow this week. It was a small one. I like snow. Specifically, I like so that is so heavy, my office is closed and I can stay home.
I need a haircut.
There are more people in my condo's gym now. Two reasons for that, I think. First, there are the people who would walk or run outside, but now that the snow's here they've moved inside. Then there is the post-Thanksgiving crowd, the "oh no, I put on so much weight, I'm really going to start working out now!" people. They will fade out by Christmas, but then we will get the New Year's Resolution people for a couple weeks in January.
A lot of these people are carrying on conversations while walking on the treadmill or talking on the cell phones, or whatever. I don't really care if people want a hard workout or not, that's their business, but when I get into the gym and can't get on a treadmill or elliptical machine because of these people, then I get annoyed.
Danny is on vacation in Hong Kong now. Lucky bastard.
Linh has final exams now. I do not miss taking those at all. Nor do I miss grading those things.
I have been Christmas shopping and it feels good!
Tonight I made cookies. New recipe. We'll see how that works out.
The mall shooting in Omaha, Nebraska hit home for me this eek. That, of course, is where I went to high school, and I know that mall very well. The shooter is from Bellevue the town where I lived, though he went to a different high school. It's weird to see familiar places all over the news again in a tragedy. (I was also pretty familiar with Virginia Tech, the site of our worst shooting ever last spring)
I think it's time for the Christmas tree to go up.
My office Christmas party was today. It was a bowling party. Somehow, that doesn't quite say "Christmas" to me. I skipped it and stayed at the office catching up on work.
Kester in Honolulu is taking a choral class and is performing a couple concerts at a local mall. THAT says Christmas!
Kester, by the way, knows someone else I know from Singapore besides knowing Allan. Again, I am amazed by how tiny this world is sometimes. Facebook helps keep everything straight...even the gays.
My Gaylasian friends have discovered Facebook. I love that. I love them. I miss them.
San Francisco was a lot of fun. I like that city. Though Honolulu was warmer.
I find I'm getting out and doing more on the weeknights, and that is a good thing.
Richmond Michael will move away in a week and that makes me sad.
Eddie in Malaysia just started a new term at his university this week.
There are things in the air, amazing possibilities that are just a short reach away...we'll see what comes of them.
I'm glad I made it to the gym 4 times this week as planned, but the numbers on the scale haven't changed in a week. Not that they could change very much, of course.
Labels: Blogging, Friends, Stuff, Travel, Wandering Mind
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Good Weekend So Far
It's turning cold here but so far this has been a good weekend over all, temperatures notwithstanding (and of course, with autumn in the air, i now have a whole new set of clothes to wear :P ).
Thursday night I met up with Linh for dinner. Actually, we started off with me reviewing a short paper he did for school, and not only was it already well-written, but I learned something related to my own research interests. Then we were off to a Thai restaurant across the street, one that I used to go to all the time (Linh lives in the building where Adrian and I lived 2001-2002). Food was good, though they didn't have sticky rice, and I'm wondering what Thai restaurant doesn't have that?? Hmmm. there was a guy there with a woman sitting behind us and he would occasionally turn around and look at us -- not casually, but making an effort. Was he a gayboy there with a friend or a closeted married guy interested in one or both of us? Who knows. Anyway, about 10:40 the waiter asked if we could settle the bill, since they had closed at 10...we hadn't noticed we were the nly people left! We made our way back to his building and hung out and talked in the lobby since he said his roommate would eb asleep upstairs, and for a couple hours we talked about all sorts of things while watching the occasional rowdy drunk come home. Much fun was had!!
Friday night was a first-time event: I finally met Aryaduta, a fellow DC blogger whom I met online after coming back from Asia. Yes, all my MaGaysian friends who also read his blog can now be jealous because I've actually met the man! After having trouble finding my keys and then making two very seriously wrong turns I made it to his place 30 minutes late, which is NOT my preferred way of meting someone the first time (or ever, for that matter). We headed off to dinner, which was fantastic, and then out for drinks, with wonderful conversation stretching late into the night. I won't go into the details of the conversation, as of course that's between he and I, but I did point out to him one of the weird things about bloggers doing something together: "You know you're going to read about all this, right?" heh heh He is a GREAT guy, and I'm not just saying that because I know he's going to read this -- one thing I learned about him is he has no trouble being honest with someone, so if I hadn't liked him I'd have just told him so. But I do, of course, and that's fun. There's a possibility he might have some interesting travel coming up next summer, but we'll just wait and see how the universe works that one out. All in all, I had a great time and am so happy to finally meet this nice guy.
Today was a casual, hang out around town kind of day, and tonight we're off to a party, so that'll be fun. I think I'm making cookies tomorrow. But not today.
Thursday night I met up with Linh for dinner. Actually, we started off with me reviewing a short paper he did for school, and not only was it already well-written, but I learned something related to my own research interests. Then we were off to a Thai restaurant across the street, one that I used to go to all the time (Linh lives in the building where Adrian and I lived 2001-2002). Food was good, though they didn't have sticky rice, and I'm wondering what Thai restaurant doesn't have that?? Hmmm. there was a guy there with a woman sitting behind us and he would occasionally turn around and look at us -- not casually, but making an effort. Was he a gayboy there with a friend or a closeted married guy interested in one or both of us? Who knows. Anyway, about 10:40 the waiter asked if we could settle the bill, since they had closed at 10...we hadn't noticed we were the nly people left! We made our way back to his building and hung out and talked in the lobby since he said his roommate would eb asleep upstairs, and for a couple hours we talked about all sorts of things while watching the occasional rowdy drunk come home. Much fun was had!!
Friday night was a first-time event: I finally met Aryaduta, a fellow DC blogger whom I met online after coming back from Asia. Yes, all my MaGaysian friends who also read his blog can now be jealous because I've actually met the man! After having trouble finding my keys and then making two very seriously wrong turns I made it to his place 30 minutes late, which is NOT my preferred way of meting someone the first time (or ever, for that matter). We headed off to dinner, which was fantastic, and then out for drinks, with wonderful conversation stretching late into the night. I won't go into the details of the conversation, as of course that's between he and I, but I did point out to him one of the weird things about bloggers doing something together: "You know you're going to read about all this, right?" heh heh He is a GREAT guy, and I'm not just saying that because I know he's going to read this -- one thing I learned about him is he has no trouble being honest with someone, so if I hadn't liked him I'd have just told him so. But I do, of course, and that's fun. There's a possibility he might have some interesting travel coming up next summer, but we'll just wait and see how the universe works that one out. All in all, I had a great time and am so happy to finally meet this nice guy.
Today was a casual, hang out around town kind of day, and tonight we're off to a party, so that'll be fun. I think I'm making cookies tomorrow. But not today.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
NCOD
October 11th is National Coming Out Day. However, I neglected to come out to anyone today, so this will just have to do:
I'm gay.
There. Instead of coming out to only one person, I've come out to the 12.7 people who read this blog. And that's cool. Even though a couple of you may have already known that.
To be honest, I'm still kinda in the (non-gay-related) closet about one or two things, mostly having to do with work and such. People who know me in person generally know the details...those of you who want to know, well, come and meet me (this means you, Aryudata).
OK, OK, I will reveal ONE more thing about me: I live on the top floor of an 18-story building with no other buildings immediately next door, which means I can watch porn and touch myself in a naughty way while leaving the blinds open and getting natural lighting.
Or is that too much information?
I'm gay.
There. Instead of coming out to only one person, I've come out to the 12.7 people who read this blog. And that's cool. Even though a couple of you may have already known that.
To be honest, I'm still kinda in the (non-gay-related) closet about one or two things, mostly having to do with work and such. People who know me in person generally know the details...those of you who want to know, well, come and meet me (this means you, Aryudata).
OK, OK, I will reveal ONE more thing about me: I live on the top floor of an 18-story building with no other buildings immediately next door, which means I can watch porn and touch myself in a naughty way while leaving the blinds open and getting natural lighting.
Or is that too much information?
Labels: Blogging, Life, Wandering Mind
Monday, October 01, 2007
7 Years and Counting
7 years ago today I started this blog.
Considering I'd never kept a written journal for longer than 2 weeks, that's quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself.
I still need to get my remaining archives posted here...the external hard drive where they're saved (the ones I managed to retain after the Diary-X crash) has gone bad, and I need to get a new drive and get the data off the old one if I can. I hope so...there may be a book in all this material. perhaps not a good one, but...
Here's where I was when this started, and where I am today:
OUR STORY THUS FAR
My name is William...Bill for short.
Now, of course, I go by Will. Except by those who have known me longer than 10 years and can't change. Or by those also named Wililam who want to avoid confusion.
I'm 34, a grad student pursuing my PhD.
Now I'm 41, have finished my PhD, and taught at a university in the meantime.
Washington, DC is home for me.
Washington is still home for me, though since starting this I've also lived in Alabama and Colorado, then returned here last year.
I'm dating a wonderful guy named River (who, sadly, is in Dallas for a month)
Well, River made it back from Dallas. But three months after starting this, we broke up. We remain very good friends, though, and he works less than a mile from me now, so we meet up for lunch pretty often. He's still very cute and very sweet. Soon after that breakup - 10 days, actually - was when Adrian and I met.
I love to travel.
No change there. Except now I've gone beyond Europe, which was my main destination at the time, and have had 3 trips to Southeast Asia and a few to Canada, as well as one trip to Russia. I've also been to a couple wars. Those were not so fun.
I'm an eclectic Wiccan, practicing as a Solitare rather than part of a coven.
Though I still believe in the philosophies of Wicca, I haven't been actively practicing for years. For me, it was always more of a philosophy than a religion, and it remains a factor that shapes my actions and my life. I think, at the time, I was looking for some more structure in my life, and Wicca provided it. Also, I look good in black.
As I re-read the first month's entries today I'm struck by how many of the people I mentioned still play a key role in my life. The bloggers I mention in there I have now mostly met, and one of them has become a very dear friend (hi, Scooter!). The friends in Dc are, for the most part, still here, and they are all still friends.
In the intervening years I have made a number of new friends all over the world...at the time, I had a philosophy that I wouldn't bother getting to know people online if I didn't think I would meet them someday. That philosophy has been good because it kept me from going overboard with online-only friendships, it encouraged me to get to know really good people, and it led me to make the effort to meet these people, which has thoroughly enriched my life, something as true during the last month as it was all those years ago. Most of those folks linked over on the left are people I've gotten to know since starting this...my life is so much better for knowing them.
Back then I seemed to be a much happier, much more relaxed writer. Certainly a bit funnier. I think part of it is, I had more to write about. The nature of my job now doesn't lend itself to much detail in a blog like this, and I also fear that I'm doing the very thing I tried hard not to do: falling into a boring, predictable pattern in life rather than experiencing lots of new things. Of course, I say that, then think about the trip I just took, and realize that can't really be the case.
Naturally, I had more time to write in school...I'd be working mostly at home so it was no problem to jump onto my blog site and write an entry. Now, I get home from work after sitting in front of a compuer all day and it's hard to take the time away from other things to write.
And of course, I am not the same person I was then. There have been some improvements, I've learned to relax a little bit, but on the whole, I'm not as happy with the person I am today. The changes that have occurred in me come from a variety of sources, some in my control and some not so much, but regardless of the reason, I don't like myself as much now as I did back then. Thinking about today's anniversary has given me a chance to reflect on why that is and consider what I might do about it.
One of my reasons for starting this journal of my life was I thought it would be cool to go back and look at old entries every now and then. I was right; it is. I can see what I was thinking all those years ago and trace the fun currents in my life ever since. I can see how I thought things would go and know how they really did. I can reflect on decisions and look at their results, unpredictable at the time but all too well-known now. I like that guy from 7 years ago. I think you would have liked him, too.
So...
Happy Anniversary to Me
Happy Anniversary to Me
Happy Anniversary to Wiliam/Bill/BillinDC/Will/BluDragon/'Tater Tom/Wei Lian/Doctor Goodenbed
Happy Anniversary to Me
I hope you'll stick around for another 7 years. I know I plan to. Thanks for reading.
Considering I'd never kept a written journal for longer than 2 weeks, that's quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself.
I still need to get my remaining archives posted here...the external hard drive where they're saved (the ones I managed to retain after the Diary-X crash) has gone bad, and I need to get a new drive and get the data off the old one if I can. I hope so...there may be a book in all this material. perhaps not a good one, but...
Here's where I was when this started, and where I am today:
OUR STORY THUS FAR
My name is William...Bill for short.
Now, of course, I go by Will. Except by those who have known me longer than 10 years and can't change. Or by those also named Wililam who want to avoid confusion.
I'm 34, a grad student pursuing my PhD.
Now I'm 41, have finished my PhD, and taught at a university in the meantime.
Washington, DC is home for me.
Washington is still home for me, though since starting this I've also lived in Alabama and Colorado, then returned here last year.
I'm dating a wonderful guy named River (who, sadly, is in Dallas for a month)
Well, River made it back from Dallas. But three months after starting this, we broke up. We remain very good friends, though, and he works less than a mile from me now, so we meet up for lunch pretty often. He's still very cute and very sweet. Soon after that breakup - 10 days, actually - was when Adrian and I met.
I love to travel.
No change there. Except now I've gone beyond Europe, which was my main destination at the time, and have had 3 trips to Southeast Asia and a few to Canada, as well as one trip to Russia. I've also been to a couple wars. Those were not so fun.
I'm an eclectic Wiccan, practicing as a Solitare rather than part of a coven.
Though I still believe in the philosophies of Wicca, I haven't been actively practicing for years. For me, it was always more of a philosophy than a religion, and it remains a factor that shapes my actions and my life. I think, at the time, I was looking for some more structure in my life, and Wicca provided it. Also, I look good in black.
As I re-read the first month's entries today I'm struck by how many of the people I mentioned still play a key role in my life. The bloggers I mention in there I have now mostly met, and one of them has become a very dear friend (hi, Scooter!). The friends in Dc are, for the most part, still here, and they are all still friends.
In the intervening years I have made a number of new friends all over the world...at the time, I had a philosophy that I wouldn't bother getting to know people online if I didn't think I would meet them someday. That philosophy has been good because it kept me from going overboard with online-only friendships, it encouraged me to get to know really good people, and it led me to make the effort to meet these people, which has thoroughly enriched my life, something as true during the last month as it was all those years ago. Most of those folks linked over on the left are people I've gotten to know since starting this...my life is so much better for knowing them.
Back then I seemed to be a much happier, much more relaxed writer. Certainly a bit funnier. I think part of it is, I had more to write about. The nature of my job now doesn't lend itself to much detail in a blog like this, and I also fear that I'm doing the very thing I tried hard not to do: falling into a boring, predictable pattern in life rather than experiencing lots of new things. Of course, I say that, then think about the trip I just took, and realize that can't really be the case.
Naturally, I had more time to write in school...I'd be working mostly at home so it was no problem to jump onto my blog site and write an entry. Now, I get home from work after sitting in front of a compuer all day and it's hard to take the time away from other things to write.
And of course, I am not the same person I was then. There have been some improvements, I've learned to relax a little bit, but on the whole, I'm not as happy with the person I am today. The changes that have occurred in me come from a variety of sources, some in my control and some not so much, but regardless of the reason, I don't like myself as much now as I did back then. Thinking about today's anniversary has given me a chance to reflect on why that is and consider what I might do about it.
One of my reasons for starting this journal of my life was I thought it would be cool to go back and look at old entries every now and then. I was right; it is. I can see what I was thinking all those years ago and trace the fun currents in my life ever since. I can see how I thought things would go and know how they really did. I can reflect on decisions and look at their results, unpredictable at the time but all too well-known now. I like that guy from 7 years ago. I think you would have liked him, too.
So...
Happy Anniversary to Me
Happy Anniversary to Me
Happy Anniversary to Wiliam/Bill/BillinDC/Will/BluDragon/'Tater Tom/Wei Lian/Doctor Goodenbed
Happy Anniversary to Me
I hope you'll stick around for another 7 years. I know I plan to. Thanks for reading.
Labels: Blogging, Friends, Life, Relationships, Wandering Mind, Website
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Dodged a Bullet
That was close! I awoke this morning and tried to check my e-mail, getting only a "server not found" response. Odd. Then I went to check this journal and saw my domain had expired last week!!! Uh oh. It was "awaiting renewal or deletion." Problem is, Tracy set it up and he has the account info needed to get in and renew it.
Three frantic e-mails and a phone call later, all was well. Tracy had renewed it and I existed once more. Yay that.
Three frantic e-mails and a phone call later, all was well. Tracy had renewed it and I existed once more. Yay that.
Labels: Blogging
