Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Some Final Thoughts on Singapore
Work-wise, Singapore was a great opportunity for me. I met with government officials not only from there but also from other countries at their embassies. I also had a chance to visit a local university, which was very useful for a number of reasons, to be explained in a future post.
And I like Singapore. It's a city where I feel comfortable (the heat notwithstanding) and I've found people there to be pretty friendly. I also developed an affection for durian ice cream, though upon trying durian juice (and throwing half of it away) I'm pretty sure I won't be trying the fruit itself any time soon.
I did a bit of shopping in Singapore, met some very cool new people (hi Jonathan! hi Vic!), and generally had a good time, much of that due to DanielHenry, who was in town on a buying trip for work the first 4 days I was there.
We hung out together Sunday and Tuesday nights, and had lunch Wednesday before he returned to KL. It was great to finally get to talk with him face-to-face...he's a sweetheart and I'm glad I know him. And he was a big help to me, since the friend I was supposed to meet up with Sunday night told me, when I called him after arriving, "I have a wedding dinner to go to tonight."
This was the start of something that bugged me, and it almost left me with a bad taste of Singapore in my mouth, until I realized how to get over it. I've known this friend for a few years, though we only met in person when I first visited SG 2 years ago. He has said things to me that make me think I'm an important person in his life, and we made some specific plans for this visit, but when I showed up that was all changed with no warning. Part of that was due to work, which I understand but which also would have been nice to know. Since we had (I thought) such a close relationship, I had not made plans with other SG friends (or in most cases, had not even let them know I was coming) because I wanted to have the flexibility to work around my friend's schedule. What i didn't realize was, I didn't really fit into his schedule...even when he had time off, and wanted to go out, it was in a group rather than one-on-one (and I had some things to discuss with him privately, something I'd told him the day I arrived).
What bugged me wasn't so much that he didn't have time for me -- I don't expect people to rearrange their lives just because I'm flying into town -- but instead, it's that he told me one thing in advance, and then another when I arrived, and had I known how unavailable he would be, I would have made other plans. Even during the week he'd say "we'll do this, this, and this," but when the time for "this" came along, suddenly everything changed. I think the point where it really got to me was the night I wa supposed to go out with him and his friends after work and he called me and said "they're all still at work, no one can go out, so I guess we won't go." Um, I could still go out...but he didn't seem interested in spending any one-on-one time. I got the sense that he was saying what he thought I wanted to hear, and then reality was intruding at the last minute. Of course, all I wanted to hear was the truth, not false promises.
I try to be very careful what I say to people online because I know there's a good chance I'll be seeing these people in person someday (when you consider how many people around the world I've met in person because of their blogs, it's a little scary). But I'm realizing not everyone does that. For some, i think it's easy to say one thing to a person 10,000 miles away, but harder to follow up on it when they're right in front of you.
Though I was upset, I got over it, but that doesn't mean things are the same. While I still like my friend a lot, I am recognizing the limitations of that friendship, something I'll keep in mind the next time I come over.
And the next time, I'll let other people know I'm coming.
But at least I got to spend more time getting to know DanielHenry!
And I like Singapore. It's a city where I feel comfortable (the heat notwithstanding) and I've found people there to be pretty friendly. I also developed an affection for durian ice cream, though upon trying durian juice (and throwing half of it away) I'm pretty sure I won't be trying the fruit itself any time soon.
I did a bit of shopping in Singapore, met some very cool new people (hi Jonathan! hi Vic!), and generally had a good time, much of that due to DanielHenry, who was in town on a buying trip for work the first 4 days I was there.
We hung out together Sunday and Tuesday nights, and had lunch Wednesday before he returned to KL. It was great to finally get to talk with him face-to-face...he's a sweetheart and I'm glad I know him. And he was a big help to me, since the friend I was supposed to meet up with Sunday night told me, when I called him after arriving, "I have a wedding dinner to go to tonight."
This was the start of something that bugged me, and it almost left me with a bad taste of Singapore in my mouth, until I realized how to get over it. I've known this friend for a few years, though we only met in person when I first visited SG 2 years ago. He has said things to me that make me think I'm an important person in his life, and we made some specific plans for this visit, but when I showed up that was all changed with no warning. Part of that was due to work, which I understand but which also would have been nice to know. Since we had (I thought) such a close relationship, I had not made plans with other SG friends (or in most cases, had not even let them know I was coming) because I wanted to have the flexibility to work around my friend's schedule. What i didn't realize was, I didn't really fit into his schedule...even when he had time off, and wanted to go out, it was in a group rather than one-on-one (and I had some things to discuss with him privately, something I'd told him the day I arrived).
What bugged me wasn't so much that he didn't have time for me -- I don't expect people to rearrange their lives just because I'm flying into town -- but instead, it's that he told me one thing in advance, and then another when I arrived, and had I known how unavailable he would be, I would have made other plans. Even during the week he'd say "we'll do this, this, and this," but when the time for "this" came along, suddenly everything changed. I think the point where it really got to me was the night I wa supposed to go out with him and his friends after work and he called me and said "they're all still at work, no one can go out, so I guess we won't go." Um, I could still go out...but he didn't seem interested in spending any one-on-one time. I got the sense that he was saying what he thought I wanted to hear, and then reality was intruding at the last minute. Of course, all I wanted to hear was the truth, not false promises.
I try to be very careful what I say to people online because I know there's a good chance I'll be seeing these people in person someday (when you consider how many people around the world I've met in person because of their blogs, it's a little scary). But I'm realizing not everyone does that. For some, i think it's easy to say one thing to a person 10,000 miles away, but harder to follow up on it when they're right in front of you.
Though I was upset, I got over it, but that doesn't mean things are the same. While I still like my friend a lot, I am recognizing the limitations of that friendship, something I'll keep in mind the next time I come over.
And the next time, I'll let other people know I'm coming.
But at least I got to spend more time getting to know DanielHenry!
Labels: Blogging, Friends, Life, Travel
