Singapore/KL Bangkok Stuttgart Washington DC Toronto Colorado Springs San Francisco

I've done a lot of traveling the last couple of months, both for fun and for work, but all of it has either been with someone from here or the trip has been spent hanging out with folks at the other end. I've needed to get away to escape the situation here at home that had me scared, but despite having time away I didn't really have much time to myself. So this weekend I'm heading back to New York and this time it's just me. Fortunately I'll get to spend some time with my friend Scooter and his partner, whom I haven't seen since a trip to Montreal 2 1/2 years ago and who have been in NYC for a couple years now. We're doing brunch on Sunday and then hopefully hanging out some during the afternoon. But Friday night and Saturday will be just me, and I need that I think. It'll certainly help clear my head. And allow me to get some Christmas shopping done.

Next wekeend, of course, I'm off to Toronto to meet up with a friend. Hi, Friend!!

Friday, December 1st, is World AIDS Day. Shedding light on the impact of HIV/AIDS here in the starts with ONE person. YOU. Visit www.LightToUnite.org to light a virtual candle. For each candle lit, Bristol-Myers Squibb will donate $1 to the National AIDS Fund. Once you have visited, pass it on.

Labels: Travel

That was close! I awoke this morning and tried to check my e-mail, getting only a "server not found" response. Odd. Then I went to check this journal and saw my domain had expired last week!!! Uh oh. It was "awaiting renewal or deletion." Problem is, Tracy set it up and he has the account info needed to get in and renew it.

Three frantic e-mails and a phone call later, all was well. Tracy had renewed it and I existed once more. Yay that.

Labels: Blogging

Thanksgiving was pretty low-key for me. Heading down to my folks' place is generally pretty relaxed, as not much is happening there, unless the house is full of visitors or someone's in the hospital or something. This time around not much was happening, I even fell asleep in front of a football game Thursday afternoon (before eating, so I can't blame it on the turkey -- maybe I should be getting more sleep).

These little weekend getaways and other trips have been good for me since they've given me a chance to step away and think about the fallout of the breakup, what's happened, what might hapen, where I go from here, etc. But this time, I returned more confused than ever...on the 4-hour drive back I felt a return of that "I've got to cry" feeling, something I felt almost constantly for the first two months (but never really broke down, oddly enough) and which had started to go away in the last month as I started getting used to things.

Something that I've realized is that in the fog of confusion surrounding all of this, bright spots have been emerging in October and November. Visiting Raberd in Bangkok, finally meeting Allan in Singapore after 3 years of online correspondance, visiting UVA with Justin, running around New York with Ben, talking with Adrian, spending time with old friends and new ones here in DC...all of these have brightened me up. But these bright spots have shone a light onto new paths, new options, new roads leading me out of the fog, and they go in different directions. They deal with things like my relationship to others, where I'm going to live, what my career options are...things that could intersect but that often don't, at least in this case. I'm reaching out to all these paths, a foot on one, my arms crossed as my hands are on two different ones, my other foot somehow stuck in my ear...my mental image is of a game of Twister in the dark and I'm the only player.

I think I realized on this trip that I need to say "whoa," slow down, and collect myself. Rather than trying to go down so many paths -- for which I see the beginning but not so much the end -- perhaps for now I just need to keep walking on the path I set for myself a couple months ago. Whether or not it's the best one, the right one, I don't know, but I do now that right now, in my confused and rambling state of mind, I'm not in a position to make good decisions about my future, especially any major, life-altering decisions.

I tend to be excitable, and looking for resolution. But I don't need to be resolving things so quickly this time.

Labels: Relationships

I'm out of here Thursday for a couple days, down to see my parents for Thanksgiving. I think they figured they'd get me for either T-giving or Christmas but it looks like they might get me for both, depending on how things are going here.

I know I haven't written too much about the breakup situation, but that's because things are still confused. or at least, I'm confused, even if the things aren't. I don't know. It's hard to go from "relationship" to...what? About 10 years ago I broke up with someone after a year and a half, and it was something that had been coming for some time, so when it happened I felt relief. But now I'm on the other side of that, and I feel...unsettled. I'm really not sure where my mind is going, but the traveling has helped and no doubt will continue to do so.

But I'm doing OK, and thanks to all for the words of encouragement. And especially thanks to those friends here who have made me feel better and who have spent time with me lately. I appreciate it.

I watched Madonna's concert from London tonight on TV. I have to say, it's not exactly the same as being there. Wish I could have seen this tour -- I saw the last two and was in heaven both times -- but with the move out here this summer the timing was just bad, despite the fact she did shows in Philly and NYC. She didn't do one in DC because she's pissed at Bush (as is 60% of the American population) but I don't think he minded the lack of a concert as much as I did.

You know how I know it's the holiday season? Not the changing weather, not the decorations...it's the fact I'm getting sick. Normal for me, I suppose. The stupid germs are apparently alcohol-resistant, and trust me, I've checked thoroughly.

Labels: Wandering Mind

If you ever are feeling down because of the way your nearly 6-year relationship is fading not with a bang but a whimper, go out and buy your mom some tickets to see the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular, featuring the Rockettes of course, to make yourself feel better. Yes, I am finally fulfilling my dream and hers by taking her to New York for a few days after Christmas. I've got the plane, the hotel, and the Rockettes taken care of...now to find us a play or two. She mentioned "Rent." That would be...interesting. We'll see, Mom, we'll see.

This was a good weekend including dancing with friends, a Lao-Vietnamese birthday party, lunch with Arlington Michael, brunch at my favorite place with my friend Justin, a quick visit to Mexx (just an exchange, not a purchase), and of course, babysitting an autistic child with Justin. That was unique. But it was immediately followed by the dancing, so that made it all better.

Hi.

I wrote the post below on October 8th, right before going on my Southeast Asia trip (and since then, of course, I've been to Hawaii for work and New York City for fun). Rather than posting it I saved it as a draft...I think I felt like it wouldn't be true if I didn't put it online. Also, knowing some local friends read this, and I wasn't ready to talk to all of them about it, I figured it was best to keep it offline. But things seem to be settling out, and since Adrian told me last night that he's ready to go look for a new place, I think it's time to just start getting this out in the open -- maybe it'll be good for me to talk about it.

The last couple months have been the worst of my life. But I think I'm turning a corner.

So, the post below is step one. I'll update it with the more current stuff as we go along. Don't expect all the details, but actually, who knows how I'll end up writing about this?

Bottom line: Adrian broke up with me at the end of August.

*******************************************

Not Quite Hitting Bottom

Long time readers of my life tales may have gotten the impression that Adrian and I are some kind of super-perfect couple that never has disagreements. That's not the truth, of course, every relationship has its issues, but I have never felt like advertising our probems...there are enough problems in the world, why add to them?

But since this journal is supposed to mark my passage through life -- indeed, I often come back and look at old entries and get caught up in the memories -- it stands to reason that the more important events should definitely be included. And this one is the most important of all.

About 6 weeks ago Adrian...well, Adrian broke up with me. It was right before our trip to New York City, which we still went on. The reasons he felt he needed to do this aren't important (well, they're important to us, but they aren't important for this public journal) but he seemed to be pretty sure this was the thing to do. The issues are not new but this method of addressing them is quite a surprise. I have made it as clear as I can that I want us to try to repair this and move forward together -- Adrian has suggested he would like this too, but it is not something that is going to happen overnight. He still lives here, which I think is a good thing, as it suggests we have a chance to work through this, but I can never be sure exactly what is on his mind. I'm not sure what I can do to fix this and what it is that he needs to do, but I hope we can figure all that out. And yes, we're going to get some help with that.

In addition to not writing about any of this here, I really haven't talked to many people here in DC. There is one friend that I turned to immediately, who had some good advice and was a good sounding board, but for the most part I have kept it from our local friends, as I haven't really understood it myself so it's hard to explain. I've started telling people that I'm close to in the last couple days, and maybe as I talk about it I'll understand it better.

My one outlet has been Fridae.com, a networking site I've been a member of for 3 years. The folks I know on there have been very supportive - they have watched Adrian and me for the last few years and in some cases this is a painful situation for them as well. Later this week I am going to visit some of these folks...I am taking a trip to Bangkok and Singapore, spending a few days in each, and I'm looking forward to it. I need to get out of here for a while and clear my head, and the trips for work don't really do it...you know, this is the first vacation I've taken in 2 1/2 years that wasn't somehow tied into work. Maybe this time away will help me regain my perspective and give me a better idea what I can do next. It's also helpful to talk to people who don't know Adrian, so I've got folks who don't have to feel caught in the middle, like they're being forced to choose sides. I'm going to have fun, no doubt, but I'll also be spending some time in a temple somewhere, reflecting and hoping for some insight.

Things are bad. They could get a lot worse, but with any luck, they will get a lot better.

The question is, am I going to hit the "Publish Post" button, or just delete this???

********************************************

I'm behind on journal entries, I'm behind on e-mails, I'm behind on thank you notes, I'm behind on baking cookies, I'm behind on laundry (well, not much), I'm behind on posting photos other people want, I'm behind on designing Khamla's marketing for his new job.

I'm getting there. I'm just working through some shit here but some light is at the end of the tunnel.

Just back from a weekend in New York City. Good times were had. Yay for new friends!

I realize I have lots of catching up on to do from last week...my last two entries were pretty damned negative but lots of good stuff happened last week, too. So I'll get caught up, after I get some sleep.

By a 57%-43% vote, Virginia voters decided to amend the state constitution to outlaw same-sex marriage. In the process, they may have also wiped out any hope for domestic partnerships. Damn them all.

And there's still some question as to whether or not we've returned out marginally-competent Senator with questionable morals back into office.

Sometimes I really don't like this state. The question is...where to move?

The second of my two flights home was delayed a few hours, which means I walked into the condo at 5am today. But for some reason, there was a parking spot right by the front door, so some good kharma kicked in. Yay for good parking kharma!!!

I have been in Honolulu this week for work, which is not nearly quite as exciting as it sounds. I have been here with the two big bosses from my office, and while they are nice guys, they are not exactly the folks I want to party with.

Fortunately my friend Fritz lives here and he got back from Germany the day I got in, so yay for that. We had dinner Wednesday and went out for drinks last night and it was all good.

I didn't do any beach action here, as I was working during the day, and frankly, it's been either cloudy or downright raining the whole time here, so my cute little swimsuit sits in the suitcase unused.

I also didn't hit any of the bars/clubs here. For one thing, since I was only here on weeknights I didn't think there'd be much going on (except for Halloween, of course) and I had to get up early each day for work, so the motivation wasn't really there, even though I brought the appropriate attire and there are indeed some cute guys here to look at. I seem to be less excited about going out when I'm on business trips than I used to be...is that because I've recently moved back to a big city where I can go out whenever I want, meaning these business trips aren't the great escape they used to be, or does it simply mean I'm getting older?

I think it's the "big city" theory that's right. And by "I think," I mean "I hope."

Regardless of anything else, I have to say it's nice being a Gold VIP member of Hilton Honors, because you do get the good rooms. I've spent every morning on the balcony watching the ocean, every evening watching a beautiful sunset, so yay for oceanfront rooms. And also, hooray for getting upgraded to first class on the return trip today, because I couldn't sleep and got up at 3:30 and started typing this, even though I don't leave for the airport until 5:30, and I just know that big seat is going to feel much more comfortable for the flight home.

OK, time to shower and go.

For the record, a Singapore Sling is not something used by leather daddies among the SG crowd. Instead, it's a drink made famous at Raffles, a historic hotel there. Due to an unfortunate incident involving gin in college, I have since avoided that particular liquor and so did not partake of a Singapore Sling. Instead, when I was at Raffles (actually, at the big mall next to it) I had Haagen-Daaz ice cream, which is much better any way you look at it.

So, Singapore. Fabled for its gay websites (SGBoy and Fridae come to mind) as well as its caning (again, not something the leather daddies do...unless you say "please."). I had been curious about Singapore for years, first, because I had students from there in the mid-90s, and second, because I'd made a number of online friends there, mostly through Fridae.com.

By the way, if any Singaporean friends are reading this going "excuse me, but why didn't you tell me you were coming?," the reality is I only had 4 days there and knew that if I spread myself too thin (again, not something leather daddies necessarily do) I would have only minimal time with people and no quality time. As a result, I limited myself to contacting only three friends, one of whom, as it turned out, blew me off, which irked me a bit as it meant I could have met up with someone else, but there you go. On the other hand, one of these friends spent a lot of time with me, and introduced me to HIS friends there, and showed me a great time, so I certainly can't complain. In fact, thanks largely to Allan, I really fell in love with Singapore.



Allan, with whom I've been chatting for years, is a doll. I had e-mailed him a few weeks before coming over and he sounded excited about finally meeting. A few days before heading overseas I called him and heard his voice for the first time -- he has the most charming British accent! Anyway, after running around Bangkok for a weekend it was nice to be heading for a relaxing week in S'pore.

So I hit town Monday afternoon and picked up a SIM card for my phone. Yay for that because it made it much easier to stay in touch. Allan was still at work (he's a publicist in a PR firm) but would pick me up around 7 for dinner. He asked if I minded if we had dinner with his best friends, as they've been getting together every Monday for 8 years...what a sweet tradition.

He picked me up in a cab (trivia note: there are 22,000 cabs in S'pore) and off we went to meet his friends. He's a country music fan and he held my hand in the taxi, two things I will always remember about him. His friends were fantastic, and I've always believed you can tell a lot about a person by his friends, and based on that I can tell he's a very open, very honest guy. I could tell these guys shared everything, and that was cool because the fact they were doing that with me there meant they'd accepted me. In fact, that was one of the things about S'pore I really appreciated -- I felt accepted there.

Allan and I hung out quite a bit, 3 of the 4 nights I was there, even though he picked up a bad cold/flu during the week. I met more of his friends as we went out for dinner and drinks. In our time with his friends and our time with just the two of us I got to know Allan very well and I'm glad I did because he's truly a wonderful person.

He's not the only person I saw, of course. There was Alcan, another guy I know from Fridae, and I also met Alfred, an adorable bartender at this one club (Tantric) who's partnered with the bar's owner, and a very nice bar it was. The gay scene in S'pore is still fairly closeted but slowly coming out of its closet -- it feels like the US probably did 20 years ago. And there are definitely some cuties there.

S'pore is a beautiful place. I stayed in Chinatown, which was very cool, and so there are so many neighborhoods that are all different. It's a very clean, and very safe, place. The national pastime appears to be shopping, though that may be more for the benefit of the Chinese and Japanese tourists. There were lots of European stores, and they're very excited because they finally got a Gap and there are 1 or 2 more coming. And of course there was the street market, too. I think one of the neat things about all that is that a lot of that development has really only happened in the last 40 years...Singapore has grown dramatically from a sleepy British colony to a major international city in a fairly short time.

As I was flying overseas I read in The Economist that Singapore is trying hard to recruit foreign talent, especially of the critical thinking, broad vision type, which sounds kinda like, well, me. I think if I was going to live in Asia it would be Singapore. I could go play in other places but I think S'pore would be the best home base. It has its problems, sure, but the expats I talked to didn't find them all that onerous, and I think if I wanted to try living there for a few years I could probably handle it.

The food, by the way, is great. I ate a few meals in Chinatown, often not knowing what I was getting but it tasted good all the same. I had stingray for the first time, courtesy of Allan, and Ben in New York had sent me a list of foods to try (he's from there), all of which were tasty. I think I will see Ben on a trip to New York at some point and I'll have to take him out to dinner as a "thank you" because he gave me lots of good info for the trip (even providing names of friends in case the people I was meeting flaked out).

Overall, a blast. I met up with a real sweetie (thank you, Allan!!) and got to know a few new people. I will definitely visit there again someday, not only to see some other Fridae friends but more importantly to see these new friends again. What a special bunch of guys.

Oh, and Singapore Airlines is the best airline anywhere ever in the history of everything.

This is the point where I'm supposed to be writing my Singapore stories, but instead I need to say "so long" to a good friend.

Dancin' Mike, whom I've known for over 6 years, left this week to go to Barcelona where he's enrolled in design school. Yes, Dancin' Mike will someday be Interior Designer Mike, and that's very cool. There's a downside, of course: after being away from DC for 4 years I was looking forward to spending more time with him, which we've done since I got back, but now he has to go, and that makes me sad.



Mike has so much potential and a very creative mind, and I am sure he will be able to take his passion for dance and translate that into spatial design, with amazing results. He sometimes has problems with his self-confidence, which he shouldn't, and I hope he will overcome those concerns and achieve all he can. He inspires those around him (hey, it was his influence that led me to take hip-hop classes earlier this year) so hopefully he will inspire himself as well. He has been a huge help to me during some recent problems and I will miss his caring presence.

I know you'll be back in the summers, Mike, but that won't stop me from missing you while you're gone. Good luck, my friend, and use those gifts that you have, even if you don't realize you have them.

Now I'm going to go drink a mai tai, because after all, I'm in Hawaii.