Thursday, November 16, 2006
The Post I Never Wanted to Write
Hi.
I wrote the post below on October 8th, right before going on my Southeast Asia trip (and since then, of course, I've been to Hawaii for work and New York City for fun). Rather than posting it I saved it as a draft...I think I felt like it wouldn't be true if I didn't put it online. Also, knowing some local friends read this, and I wasn't ready to talk to all of them about it, I figured it was best to keep it offline. But things seem to be settling out, and since Adrian told me last night that he's ready to go look for a new place, I think it's time to just start getting this out in the open -- maybe it'll be good for me to talk about it.
The last couple months have been the worst of my life. But I think I'm turning a corner.
So, the post below is step one. I'll update it with the more current stuff as we go along. Don't expect all the details, but actually, who knows how I'll end up writing about this?
Bottom line: Adrian broke up with me at the end of August.
*******************************************
Not Quite Hitting Bottom
Long time readers of my life tales may have gotten the impression that Adrian and I are some kind of super-perfect couple that never has disagreements. That's not the truth, of course, every relationship has its issues, but I have never felt like advertising our probems...there are enough problems in the world, why add to them?
But since this journal is supposed to mark my passage through life -- indeed, I often come back and look at old entries and get caught up in the memories -- it stands to reason that the more important events should definitely be included. And this one is the most important of all.
About 6 weeks ago Adrian...well, Adrian broke up with me. It was right before our trip to New York City, which we still went on. The reasons he felt he needed to do this aren't important (well, they're important to us, but they aren't important for this public journal) but he seemed to be pretty sure this was the thing to do. The issues are not new but this method of addressing them is quite a surprise. I have made it as clear as I can that I want us to try to repair this and move forward together -- Adrian has suggested he would like this too, but it is not something that is going to happen overnight. He still lives here, which I think is a good thing, as it suggests we have a chance to work through this, but I can never be sure exactly what is on his mind. I'm not sure what I can do to fix this and what it is that he needs to do, but I hope we can figure all that out. And yes, we're going to get some help with that.
In addition to not writing about any of this here, I really haven't talked to many people here in DC. There is one friend that I turned to immediately, who had some good advice and was a good sounding board, but for the most part I have kept it from our local friends, as I haven't really understood it myself so it's hard to explain. I've started telling people that I'm close to in the last couple days, and maybe as I talk about it I'll understand it better.
My one outlet has been Fridae.com, a networking site I've been a member of for 3 years. The folks I know on there have been very supportive - they have watched Adrian and me for the last few years and in some cases this is a painful situation for them as well. Later this week I am going to visit some of these folks...I am taking a trip to Bangkok and Singapore, spending a few days in each, and I'm looking forward to it. I need to get out of here for a while and clear my head, and the trips for work don't really do it...you know, this is the first vacation I've taken in 2 1/2 years that wasn't somehow tied into work. Maybe this time away will help me regain my perspective and give me a better idea what I can do next. It's also helpful to talk to people who don't know Adrian, so I've got folks who don't have to feel caught in the middle, like they're being forced to choose sides. I'm going to have fun, no doubt, but I'll also be spending some time in a temple somewhere, reflecting and hoping for some insight.
Things are bad. They could get a lot worse, but with any luck, they will get a lot better.
The question is, am I going to hit the "Publish Post" button, or just delete this???
********************************************
I wrote the post below on October 8th, right before going on my Southeast Asia trip (and since then, of course, I've been to Hawaii for work and New York City for fun). Rather than posting it I saved it as a draft...I think I felt like it wouldn't be true if I didn't put it online. Also, knowing some local friends read this, and I wasn't ready to talk to all of them about it, I figured it was best to keep it offline. But things seem to be settling out, and since Adrian told me last night that he's ready to go look for a new place, I think it's time to just start getting this out in the open -- maybe it'll be good for me to talk about it.
The last couple months have been the worst of my life. But I think I'm turning a corner.
So, the post below is step one. I'll update it with the more current stuff as we go along. Don't expect all the details, but actually, who knows how I'll end up writing about this?
Bottom line: Adrian broke up with me at the end of August.
*******************************************
Not Quite Hitting Bottom
Long time readers of my life tales may have gotten the impression that Adrian and I are some kind of super-perfect couple that never has disagreements. That's not the truth, of course, every relationship has its issues, but I have never felt like advertising our probems...there are enough problems in the world, why add to them?
But since this journal is supposed to mark my passage through life -- indeed, I often come back and look at old entries and get caught up in the memories -- it stands to reason that the more important events should definitely be included. And this one is the most important of all.
About 6 weeks ago Adrian...well, Adrian broke up with me. It was right before our trip to New York City, which we still went on. The reasons he felt he needed to do this aren't important (well, they're important to us, but they aren't important for this public journal) but he seemed to be pretty sure this was the thing to do. The issues are not new but this method of addressing them is quite a surprise. I have made it as clear as I can that I want us to try to repair this and move forward together -- Adrian has suggested he would like this too, but it is not something that is going to happen overnight. He still lives here, which I think is a good thing, as it suggests we have a chance to work through this, but I can never be sure exactly what is on his mind. I'm not sure what I can do to fix this and what it is that he needs to do, but I hope we can figure all that out. And yes, we're going to get some help with that.
In addition to not writing about any of this here, I really haven't talked to many people here in DC. There is one friend that I turned to immediately, who had some good advice and was a good sounding board, but for the most part I have kept it from our local friends, as I haven't really understood it myself so it's hard to explain. I've started telling people that I'm close to in the last couple days, and maybe as I talk about it I'll understand it better.
My one outlet has been Fridae.com, a networking site I've been a member of for 3 years. The folks I know on there have been very supportive - they have watched Adrian and me for the last few years and in some cases this is a painful situation for them as well. Later this week I am going to visit some of these folks...I am taking a trip to Bangkok and Singapore, spending a few days in each, and I'm looking forward to it. I need to get out of here for a while and clear my head, and the trips for work don't really do it...you know, this is the first vacation I've taken in 2 1/2 years that wasn't somehow tied into work. Maybe this time away will help me regain my perspective and give me a better idea what I can do next. It's also helpful to talk to people who don't know Adrian, so I've got folks who don't have to feel caught in the middle, like they're being forced to choose sides. I'm going to have fun, no doubt, but I'll also be spending some time in a temple somewhere, reflecting and hoping for some insight.
Things are bad. They could get a lot worse, but with any luck, they will get a lot better.
The question is, am I going to hit the "Publish Post" button, or just delete this???
********************************************
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I'm sorry. Really, I am.
If we are playing the "Wow, this is not what I need in my life" game...uh...my apartment got broken into, my computer blew a short, my favorite coat is missing, and I got a 48/100 on a midterm exam in a class I thought I was doing well....Also, I went through a week without sunshine. I think you still win.
Feel better okay? I still have to meet you when I move to Alexandria in the end of May.
If we are playing the "Wow, this is not what I need in my life" game...uh...my apartment got broken into, my computer blew a short, my favorite coat is missing, and I got a 48/100 on a midterm exam in a class I thought I was doing well....Also, I went through a week without sunshine. I think you still win.
Feel better okay? I still have to meet you when I move to Alexandria in the end of May.
If you need one more person to talk to, I will be here. I will listen and won't judge ;-)
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: 10:37 AM
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