Friday, June 01, 2001
May 2001
4 May 2001
I know, I know, I know
Yes, I know, I haven't posted an entry yet telling about the FABULOUS TIME Adrian and I had in New York this week.
What can I say? I've been busy.
We got back Wednesday afternoon, and I've been scrambling since then to finish a paper due Thursday night. It's turned in now, which means I only have one paper left (due Tuesday) and then I will be DONE for the semester.
Which means I start working on my summer projects on Wednesday.
But anyway, I will post an update about New York, probably on Friday. I need a little sleep first (I'm still kinda tired from New York). Tonight is the first night I've slept alone since Saturday. I wonder if I'm actually getting used to sleeping with someone.
But now I'm rambling, a sure sign that I need to go to bed.
4 May 2001
Not exactly "Tales of the City," but...
OK, so, Adrian and I visited New York for a couple days, and we had an AMAZING time. From the moment we left for the train station until we got home and went back to work, it was fun, fun, fun, with plenty of great little adventures. This is a long entry, but I wanted to capture all of this in my journal. So here goes…
THE REASON WE WENT
Believe it or not, this really was a work-related trip. A group of us from school were invited to present our research to the folks in the peacekeeping department at the United Nations. My presentation lasted about 20 minutes and it went GREAT! I got some insightful questions from the audience, which I think I handled very well, and I’ve already gotten a couple e-mails requesting copies of my paper (now I just need to finish writing it!!!). I may have the chance to contribute some future research to them which, any way you look at it, is pretty cool.
Oh, and I stopped in the UN gift shop and bought a key chain with the Laotian flag on it, in honor of Adrian. =)
FOOD AND WINE
I’m glad we walked so much in the city, because I ate and drank WAY too much. But it was all so good! Monday, after getting to town earlier than planned (we had great train karma all day) we were able to check into the hotel and made a beeline for Christopher Street. Lunch was at a wonderful place called The Riviera, where we had a great meal with wine for only $10 each. Dinner that night was at an Italian place called Cafe Torrino, which River and I went to in December. We walked around for 20 minutes looking for it (I couldn’t remember the name or the street it was on, I just remembered what the neighborhood looked like) and it was almost 11 when we found it, but the food was good (mine was, anyway, though Adrian’s wasn’t the greatest) and the waiter was very friendly. Dessert was at Caffe Rafaella on 7th Avenue, which River and I had also been to, and it was amazingly good. Tuesday night’s pre-theater dinner was at Sardi’s, a Broadway institution, which I had been to 5 years ago and which I wanted Adrian to experience. After the play we ventured out to Don’t Tell Mama, a wonderful piano bar on West 46th Street which was SO much fun!! (many thanks to Mikey for recommending it, and if it weren’t for his finals, he would’ve met us there…next time, Mikey, next time!!!!)
It’s funny, but for the first time, I can see myself having my “hangouts” in New York. Sure, Sardi’s was one of those “special” experiences, but The Riviera and Don’t Tell Mama could easily be regular stops for me there. I’m finally realizing that, when I leave DC next year, I won’t live merely 3 hours from New York, so I really need to take advantage of the fact that I’m here. Adrian and I were talking about it, and we definitely foresee some return trips. I’m really growing to like that city.
THE PLAY’S THE THING
We had gotten tickets to see Cabaret and were excited for a number of reasons. First, the seats were great (front row of the mezzanine, always the best seats as far as I’m concerned). Second, the theater was Studio 54…yes, THAT Studio 54, which is no longer a sleazy disco but which now is hosting a sleazy play. =) Third, this is one of Adrian’s favorite musicals, and it’s one I haven’t seen since a college production 15 years ago (and I was curious to see how the grown-ups do it!). And finally, it stars Gina Gershon, and Adrian is a huge Gina Gershon fan. So off we went.
Apparently, though, we’d used up our good karma on the trains: Gina Gershon was off promoting her new film, so the understudy was playing her part that night. I think Adrian was bummed at first, but Amanda Watkins was great in the role, and we both really enjoyed her performance (I got the impression later that it was the first time she’d done it). The guy who really caught my eye was Matt McGrath, who played the Emcee. (Matt was in Boys Don’t Cry and Broken Hearts Club, among many other films) There was a LOT of sexuality in the play, much more so than I saw in college, and it wasn’t exactly all straight, either. Plenty of boy-boy kissing, and you know that never bothers me! Their use of makeup and lighting created a really desperate, kinda disgusting, sensuality that was strangely alluring. Speaking of strangely alluring, there’s a point where the Emcee comes up on a catwalk right by the mezzanine, and while there’s a scene going on down on the stage, Matt is being very flirtatious with certain members of the audience. I happened to catch his eye, and he began staring at me, touching his chest, undoing his robe…all the while I’m putting on my best “innocent boy next door” face. Yeah, he wasn’t fooled. =)
So, Adrian and I agreed the play was great, and I said “why don’t we go hang out by the stage door and let them know we loved it.” We did, and found that everybody else who was there had friends in the cast. We sort of hung back, and when Matt and Amanda came out they were talking with friends. Matt then saw us and came over, saying “you guys were up on the mezzanine, weren’t you?” Now, that is class, in my book. I thought it was very sweet that he remembered us, considering it was dark in the theater, we weren’t sitting right next to where he was, and he had other things on his mind like, you know, acting. But we chatted about the play, about his movies, about what we do in DC, about what he’s doing next (a film called The Anniversary Party…watch for it!). We also talked to Amanda, who had assumed we were Matt’s friends, and we let her know how much we enjoyed her performance. She was very sweet and we talked for a couple minutes. I have to say, Matt and Amanda really made our trip extra-special. They were just so nice!!
STAR STRUCK
Hanging out by the stage door and meeting Matt and Amanda was fun, but there’s also something cool about walking down the street and bumping into celebrities. The flash of recognition, the double take that follows…they’re like catching an inside joke on The Simpsons and wondering if the people around you got it. To wit:
Monday afternoon, in Greenwich Village, a man and woman passed by us talking. I jokingly said to Adrian, “hey was that Margaret Cho?” Upon getting home Wednesday I read DJ Paris’ journal, only to learn that the hilarious Ms Cho was in NYC this week promoting her new book. So yeah, that probably was her.
Tuesday night after dinner, as we passed by the St James Theater where The Producers is playing, I’m pretty sure I passed Gene Hackman, who is one of my all-time favorite actors. He’s letting his hair grow, apparently.
And as we left the theater Tuesday night and were headed to Don't Tell Mama, we were passed by Judd Hirsch, walking and chatting with a friend. “Hey,” I said to Adrian, “that was Judd Hirsch!” He replied, “Who?” (for those who don’t know, Judd Hirsch starred in the show Taxi for many years, and was most recently seen as the incredibly Jewish father of the I-believe-in-science-not-religion Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day.)
THAT’S ALL
Sure, there are other details, but those are for Adrian and I to know, and for you not to find out. =) I have to say, I’m really glad he and I went together. As much as I’ve enjoyed traveling by myself in the past, it’s nice to take a quick little trip like that with someone who’s up for an adventure or two. He was so laid back the whole time, he helped keep me from getting nervous about my presentation, and I didn’t feel like I had to worry about whether he was having a good time. ‘Cuz he was. And so was I.
There’s 8 million stories in the big city, and for a couple days, we were one of them.
5 May 2001
Things I like about Adrian
Cuddling in bed and doing crossword puzzles together.
Having him say "oh, I don’t really get into meeting celebrities," then watching his eyes light up when we do.
Feeling him throw his leg over mine in bed because it’s too hot to really cuddle, but he wants to be touching me while he sleeps.
Hearing him singing in the shower when he doesn’t know I’m listening.
Trading plates halfway through lunch because we want the other one to enjoy this really great meal we ordered.
Snuggling on the couch while watching home-repair shows on TV.
The flirty little wink he gives me.
Riding the train. (and if you missed yesterday’s entry about New York, be sure to read it!)
Yeah…I kinda like this guy.
(But I won't post a photo here until I ask him if it's OK)
7 May 2001
Meanwhile...
OK, I'm going to have to make this a quick update. I'm finishing up my last paper, which is due on Tuesday. I've got a couple sections that still haven't quite come together, which wouldn't be so bad, except that one of them is the key point in the theory I'm laying out, and if I can't express it a little better, then I'm a nerd. Well, actually, if I can express it, that probably means I'm a nerd anyway. So it's kind of a lose-lose proposition.
Sigh. I'm rambling. And it's only been one paragraph.
I worked all day Saturday, then Adrian came over Saturday night after working all day too, and he hung out and did crossword puzzles while I worked on my paper 'til about 11, then we ran up to Andy's apartment and swiped his copy of Broken Hearts Club, which Adrian had never seen. Matt McGrath, whom we met in New York, starred in it, and he was very good and quite the little "Meanwhile...". (and if you don't know what that means, that's a clue you should go rent/buy the movie!)
Anywayz, his brother came and picked him up and they went home. Adrian was working all day Sunday, and I worked here. We went out with Chris and Rachel, his college roommates, as it was Chris' birthday. We took them to that French place in Adams Morgan that I visited for the first time last month. Excellent food, of course, and fun service, and good company, and we followed it up with a couple drinks at a nearby club before calling it a night. We were TIRED!!! (but not TOO tired )
Today has been another "work all day" kinda day. I know it seems like I'm waiting until the last minute to work on this stuff, but I actually had a draft going about 3 weeks ago. It's changed a lot since then, though, because I've given two presentations on this paper and have made lots of changes based on that. And frankly, I've been working on the theory and hypothesis evaluation all semester -- putting it all down on paper is, believe it or not, the easy part.
I'm glad I'm getting my PhD but I will never understand people who go back and get a second one. Those are probably the same folks with the S&M bumper stickers on their cars.
8 May 2001
WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm done, I'm done, I'm done!!!
At 4:33pm this afternoon I hit the "Send" button on my e-mail and transported my last paper to my professor. 24 pages of wholesome goodness having something to do with national security policy -- I don't even remember anymore.
OK, that's not true, I do remember, 'cuz one thing about a doctoral program that's different from undergrad is that you can't afford to "brain dump" after a semester.
I think I'm gonna take a shower. And then have a glass of wine and think about upcoming trips (LA with River in 2 weeks, yay!!!). And then do some stuff with Adrian tonight. And then think about redesigning my website.
'Cuz I'm done, baby!! DONE!!!!!!!!!
Until tomorrow, that is, when I have to meet with my advisor and get going on my dissertation.
9 May 2001
And the chair goes over there, and...
Okay, I had something to write about tonight, but I'll save it, cuz I just got some really good news...
Adrian and his brother got an apartment.
And it's only a couple blocks away from me.
So...how cool is that?
Excuse me a sec...
YAY!!!!!!!!
They move in around the middle of June. Guess I better think of a housewarming gift.
Okay, that's it for tonight. Oh, except that I started on some dissertation field research today. But I think I've written enough about school for a while.
10 May 2001
Thanks for the updates
Yes, thanks to all those friends who have let me know about the cheating scandal at UVA. I actually knew about it last week from a message board, but it wasn't until the story hit the Washington Post yesterday (and subsequently made it onto NPR's All Things Considered, the New York Times, and CNN) that everyone else knew about it.
For those friends who have chosen not to say anything to me about it, I commend you on your wisdom. =)
For the three people in the US who haven't heard about it, the story goes something like this:
- Student tells professor that some of the 500 students in his physics-for-non-science-majors course cheated on the final paper last fall.
- Professor writes a program to examine all the papers from that semester and the previous ones (they were submitted via e-mail, so he still has them). The program looks for identical strings of words.
- Results of the program indicate 122 students either provided a paper to someone or copied from someone else (in other words, 61 students helped 61 other students, more or less).
- Professor turns the results over to the student-run Honor Committee, who initiates the biggest investigation in the 159-year history of the Honor System.
- The slight rumble you felt today was Thomas Jefferson spinning in his grave.
I am horrendously embarassed to have this happen. Since we instituted the Honor System in 1842, following a tragic set of events in which a professor was killed, we have been very proud of the community of trust that exists there. Ask an alum what they are proudest of about the school, and they will usually say "the Honor System." Nobody will say that no one cheats at UVA, but we will say that we generally trust each other, and we don't think anyone is really getting ahead of us by cheating. More than anything else, the Honor System prepares students to be responsible members of, and worthwhile contributors to, the "real world."
Though some will say this incident means the Honor System doesn't work, I would disagree.
- It was a student, not a professor, who refused to accept the violation of community standards, and who initiated the whole thing.
- The entire process is being overseen by students. Faculty and staff play no role in the administration of the Honor System.
- Students who are found to have cheated, even those who are supposed to graduate in a week, will face one penalty: expulsion.
- Graduates who are found to have contributed to the cheating while still students will have their degrees revoked. It has happened before, it may happen here.
- If this had happened at almost any other school in the country, it wouldn't have been considered "news."
Of course, the next time I visit UVA, I'm not leaving the car unlocked.
12 May 2001
Comedy of Errors
Actually, that might be an overstatement. Comedy implies humor. And it really wasn't that funny.
Friday night I was going to pick Adrian up when he got off work. I had to run to the grocery store to get a few things, so I figured I'd go there, then drive down to the restaurant and wait for him. I get down there, and there's a HUGE private party in the bar, so I call and leave a mesage on his cell phone's voice mail, then sit back and wait, parked in my car across the street. And, as a backup, I'd left an outgoing message on my answering machine telling him to call my cell phone, since he was supposed to call when he got off work.
15 minutes...nothing.
30 minutes...nothing.
I call home and check my answering machine. No messages.
45 minutes...the phone rings.
"Where you at?" asks Adrian.
"I'm across the street," I reply, somewhat giddy cuz I know how happy he's going to be since he doesn't have to wait for me.
"Oh...well, I'm at your place."
??????????????
It seems his brother had come by the restaurant and picked him up, then dropped him in front of my building. The first he knew I wasn't at home was when he punched the buzzer for my apartment and got the answering machine instead of me.
Oops.
Well, I was there 10 minutes later. And we had sushi. And he had an omelette.
And then...well, I don't normally write much about this in my journal, but let's just say I realized once agan how wonderful it is to be versatile.
Oh, and while we were talking during dinner, he referred to me as his "boyfriend." That's the first time I've heard him use that word. Of course, we've known each other for four months, and that's how everyone else talks about us, so I guess we can use that word, too.
Cool.
I went to happy hour with Arlington Michael tonight, and we talked of many things. He seems happy. I hope he is. Every now and then I realize how lucky I was to meet him. Plus, Adrian arranged an employee discount for us. Yay!
14 May 2001
This and that
Considering that graduation was on Saturday, you'd think all of my grades would have been turned in. But oh no, that would make too much sense. So far I have 2 "A"'s, and am waiting on one more class to see if I finally got a 4.0 for a semester.
Speaking of school, I met with some folks today regarding my summer research. It looks like it'll go a little more smoothly than I thought. One thing I've realized, though, is that, just like during the semester, I need to set a schedule for myself if I'm going to get stuff done. It's so easy to let the day slip by without accomplishing anything, and since I don't have any deadlines staring me in the face, I need to make sure I get my work done.
One especially cool thing happened this weekend: I got tickets to Toronto! I had told myself that if I could get a cheap airfare to Toronto this summer, I would head up there for a weekend. I have a couple Internet friends from there who go to school in different cities but who are both home for the summer, so, following my prediliction for visiting foreign countries to visit 'Net friends, I'm going to go meet Ricky and Scott. I visited Toronto in March '97 for a conference, but it was pouring down snow, and I was working, so I didn't get to see much. Scott and his boyfriend Cam have said they will show me around, so I'm VERY excited, and I am also looking forward to meeting Ricky and finally putting a face with the name. I'll be there the weekend after I get back from LA with River.
Saturday night Adrian came over after work. His brother came with him and we fixed pasta and grilled chicken Caeser salad, and basically ate too much and had much fun. His brother's pretty cool, and I am really looking forward to the two of them living so close by.
Also, on Sunday, I fixed a big breakfast for Adrian and I (that was AFTER I followed Scott's example) then took him to the salon. He did some work on my hair before they opened for the day, and I stopped by again later with a "thanks for being so sweet" card as I wandered downtown. It was a beautiful day, and I'm glad I got to spend the afternoon outside. DC has some cool places to hang out and look at cute boys.
And Sunday night I fixed dinner for da boyz. It was fun, I haven't thrown together dinner like that in a while. Of course, I'm still cleaning up this afternoon.
And Tracy returned from San Francisco last night. YAY!!!!!!
15 May 2001
Time to snooze
My last grade was posted today. It took two years of coursework, but I FINALLY pulled a 4.0 in my classes. Grades aren't quite as important here as they were as an undergrad; after all, once I have my PhD, is anyone really going to care if I got an A or a B+? Um, no. But it's nice to know that my skills have improved over the last couple of years. I mean, that's kinda the point of school. Right?
Today was a shopping day, not for me really but for Adrian and his brother. Actually, I think they wanted to let me know what kind of stuff would make a good housewarming gift. =) Anyway, we went to IKEA, and ya gotta love IKEA.
I'm going to bed now. I'm feelin' poopy. Head ache, neck ache, stomach ache...no fun. No fun at all.
18 May 2001
Time for an update
Yes, I know, I've been "off the air" since Tuesday. Loyal readers have been wondering if I was just tired that night, or if I in fact was suffering a cerebral hemmorage. Good news: it was the latter. I mean, the former. Whichever. "Tired" is what I mean.
The last couple of days have been quite busy, mostly socially, but with enough work thrown in to keep me honest. =) I have been making up for the month of minimal socializing that was imposed upon me by the demands of school (and if you look back at the 4 weeks in April and May and say "THAT was minimal????"...yes, it was. I'm very social by nature.).
So, Wednesday afternoon I met up with Teguh, a new friend of mine who lives just ouside the District in Maryland. We came across each other in the ether of the online world quite a while ago, but between our schedules there was no way to actually meet in person. We made up for that this week, first on Wednesday, when we met down at Dupont Circle and spent the afternoon hanging out. We had lunch, went to meet Adrian at work, went for a walk, got some coffee. He's a nice guy, and fun to get to know. Then Thursday night he, I, Adrian, Adrian's brother, and a friend of their's all went to Badlands for College Night. Mucho, mucho fun.
Oh, and at Badlands I ran into Dancin' Michael, who is back from college for the summer. I took him a birthday card at work today. I think he was a little surprised that I remembered. It's good to have him back, and I must say, he looks a LOT different from when I first met him last year. The kandy raver stuff is all gone, and he is looking totally GAP-i-fied.
Thursday I ventured back to IKEA and the outlet mall with Tracy. After 2 trips to IKEA this week I have purchased a bunch of candles, a vase for my kitchen utensils, and a ladle. Wow, what a haul.
Thursday night, before dancing, was dinner with my brother, whom I hadn't seen in about 4 months. It looks like he's going to take a visiting professorship next spring. Very cool, though I can still say I was a professor before him. No sibling rivalry there. =)
I had a good chat on Thursday with Dave, my college roomie, who lives in Colorado. He reminded me that he had predicted I'd get a 4.0 this semester. Obviously, then, all credit for my grades goes to him. =)
And in all of this, I've managed to get a bit of work done. I spent a few hours in the library today and came away with about 1000 pages of stuff I need to read. And soon.
And I made it to the gym today. Yay me!
And tonight? Comedy club!!!!!
19 May 2001
Honesty is the best policy (maybe)
When someone close to you is making plans and decsions, and you think they're making a big mistake, should you tell them? Maybe. It depends on what they want from you. If they are using you merely as a sounding board off of which to bounce new ideas, just so they can see how they sound when explained, then they probably don't want your advice. If they want to make sure they're considering all the viewpoints, though, then they probably want you to be honest with them. Since you may end up offering advice in areas that are really none of your business, it's usually best to find out what they want from you before telling them what you think they should do.
And if someone is upsetting you, it's usually best to talk to them about it. Let them know how you're feeling and why you feel that way, and try to find out why they're doing what they're doing. It could just be that they don't express themselves very well. Or perhaps they think they're sending you one message while you're receiving another. Or they could just be a prick. Whatever the reason, it's better to address an issue and resolve it (for good or for bad) than it is to let it lie, because it's only going to make you feel worse, and when the resolution finally comes (and it will) it'll be nasty.
When you approach them, though, try not to make it confrontational. If you make it a "me against you" issue, they'll automatically get defensive. It's human nature. Phrasing it in a positive light can better enable a discussion to take place without feelings of hostility and defensiveness.
These are just a few lessons I've learned before, and am trying to make sure I apply now.
And now, I'm going to go watch Saturday Night Live with Andy. Christopher Walken is hosting. Ever since Kevin and I saw him in a film 10 years ago, Christopher Walken has terrified me. Even when portrayed in cartoon form. Weird, huh?
20 May 2001
Hair today, gone tomorrow
I got up this morning and met Adrian at the salon so he could cut my hair before they opened. Actually, I got up 18 minutes before I was supposed to be there, and it's at least a fifteen minute trip even with no traffic. Oops. But I was outta here in less than ten minutes and raced to the salon, so I wasn't TOO late. And it gave him a chance to fix his own hair, which was big and rock hard by the time he was done with it. Mmmmmmmm, big and rock hard...
So he cut my hair, and it looked GREAT as always, and he had a half hour before they opened so we decided to go to breakfast (and we saw a few folks still in their club clothes from last night, heh heh heh). We were joined by Marc, another stylist, who also happens to be the CoverBoy in the current Metro Weekly, a little gay social magazine here in the District. We sat down and our waiter immediately said "aren't you in this week's MW?" Wow, breakfast with a celebrity.
Naturally, today was really humid, and naturally, Marc had to tell us "I don't wear underwear, so my balls are sticking to my jeans." Yeah, I'm sure you really didn't need to know that, but if I've got to hear it, then my readers do, too.
Today was a work day for me, as I've got about 60 articles to skim over before leaving for LA. I'm through 10 so far. This is going to take a while. I also did some work on my website today, doing a little redesigning on my Queer Youth Page.
Speaking of websites, my friend Douglas in Colorado started posting a journal today. Everyone should check it out, because I said so.
AND, since I mentioned one friend, I should mention another: Andy, who is a veteran, and who deserves a big thank you from everyone (well, everyone in the US, at least) because Sunday was Armed Forces Day.
I talked briefly with Teghu this evening. I think he had fun Thursday; I know the rest of us did, so a return trip is in order. I found out that he has a rabbit and a macaw. Apparently, he's trained the macaw to talk. I'm curious as to whether it speaks English or Indonesian.
Tonight was season finale night on Fox, so the boys were here (with the exception of Michael, who's in Texas this week, but he called to say he missed us). The very last scene in the X-Files was a bit of a surprise. I won't spoil it here for anyone who hasn't seen it; my only question is, was that a tongue I saw?
21 May 2001
Hey Mister DJ, put a record on...
...I wanna dance with my baby!!
Guess who got Madonna tickets today!!!!!! The August concert sold out in about 45 minutes, and I managed to get 2 tickets. They are not the best seats in the house, by far; however, they ARE in the house. The MCI Arena is not really huge, so even where we're sitting, we'll be able to see her (well, with binoculars, anyway) and we'll definitely be a part of the experience that is Madonna.
This is great. I've never seen her. I guess that makes me kinda like a virgin.
I also had lunch today with Eric, one of the Aristocrats (a group of my college roommates). Eric is at the State Department and has a very interesting job dealing with embassies in sub-Saharan Africa. It's good to know that if I ever get arrested in a foreign country I have someone to turn to! I hope to spend more time with Eric (and Greg, another local Aristocrat) now that I'm done with classes. They both have little kids, so they may be looking for an excuse to do something fun.
Adrian and I made Thai soup and a grilled chicken Caesar salad tonight. And now we're going to watch a lesbian film. I swear, living in DC is SO much fun!
23 May 2001
Go West
The Village People told us to Go West. So did the Pet Shop Boys. Who am I to argue with these guys?
So west I shall go. To Los Angeles. In about 3 hours.
River and I are headed to LA today. He's from there, and a few months ago invited me to come with him when he goes to visit family and friends. I'm VERY excited. I haven't been to LA in 10 years, and I was a very different (i.e., trying desperately to be straight, and not really succeeding) person then.
There's a lot we're planning to do, including a day at a spa, visits to some of his old haunts, a little clubbing, and I'm spending a day with my friend Peter, also. This should be a great time. And let's face it, the weather there has GOT to be better than what we've had here! I don't know if I'll be updating from there or not, so stay tuned and see!!!
I must say, my Guestbook (link below, hint hint) is becoming active. After a long dry spell, I got 6 entries in about a 36 hour period. Cool. Keep writing, folks, I don't know you're out there unless you do!
Yesterday was full of boring errands made much more exciting by the fact that Adrian was with me. It was a rainy, crappy day, so he hung out here while I worked, then we ran errands at the mall nearby and went for coffee. We had Chinese food and hamburgers, and did crossword puzzles, and we visited the apartment building where he's moving in a couple weeks (only 3 blocks from here). If my apartment building continues to jerk me around, I may find myself moving over there this summer as well. Lots more space than what I have, and much better pool and workout facilities. We'll see.
Adrian and I had a talk last night about stuff that's been on my mind. I was starting to get concerned that he wasn't having much fun with me, wasn't really enjoying himself when we go out. We talked about that, and all the stuff on his mind right now, and about how he may be thinking one thing, but something totally different comes through. I think he realizes now that he was giving me the impression that he wasn't as interested in me as he had been, and he managed to correct that. Knowing him as I have come to, I have realized that if there is a problem, he may not jump up and say something to fix it, so it may fall to me to say something. I'm glad we talked; if I had ignored it, I'd still be worrying about it.
But with that out of the way, now I can enjoy LA. Woo hoo, California!!!!!!
Do you think there are any cute bois there?
26 May 2001
Quick update from LA
Just a short entry, I'll try to post a longer one later if I can get online again. We're having a great time here; the weather has been pretty good, the boys have been fun to look at, and the whole atmosphere is VERY different from the East Coast. We've done some touristy stuff (River was forced to take me to Universal Studios!) and we went to a great little spa yesterday for mud baths, etc. =) Fun times are being had, but I gotta go!!!
30 May 2001
More Michaels than you can shake a stick at
Every guy in LA that hit on me (well, okay, both of them) was named Michael.
I'm back. More to follow...
30 May 2001
Let's play it by ear
River and I had a very good time in LA. We did some of the "tourist" stuff, like going to Universal Studios, visiting a hot springs spa in the desert, and checking out some of the piers and taking a drive along the Pacific Coast Highway. The weather was pretty good, I met some very nice friends and family of River's, and saw a friend of my own (Peter) who lives out there. I got to see some of the places River used to spend time, like a coffeehouse called The Library in Long Beach, and some of the clubs and restaurants in West Hollywood (which looked NOTHING like I expected).
Probably one of the most interesting aspects of the trip was seeing the Angelino culture up close and personal. I've heard comedians joke about the differences between, say, LA and New York, but I really saw what they were talking about on this trip. River and I talked about it a lot, and I asked Peter about it as well, and I think I have a better understanding of the typical LA mindset (I found this to be different from what I encountered in San Francisco last year). Though River and Peter differed somewhat in the degree they think the mindset is in effect, both agreed it existed.
What did I find? In many ways, a very shallow, noncommittal lifestyle. Many conversations seem to simply involve two or more people making noise at each other, not really listening or exchanging thoughts or information. It's tough to have a deep, meaningful conversation if you don't think the other person is listening. It was also common for people not to make hard and fast plans to do something, but instead to "play it by ear" and see if they actually got together. I think River missed the chance to spend quality time with some old friends because there seemed to be a hesitance to actually make definite plans, and when the time came to try to do something, people weren't available. River also told me that it's not uncommon for people to make tentative plans and then not show up. No offense is taken, it's simply accepted as normal behavior.
This is an environment in which I might not be very happy. I don't deal with shallowness well, and I tend to ignore it when I find it (as I have here in DC). If it were all around me, though, it would be tough to ignore. Folks there seemed to spend a LOT of time on their cell phones, making tentative plans that took on more and more substance as the estimated time of getting together approached. I think I will buy stock in California-based wireless providers. I also like being able to have conversations with people that go beyond the surface level, and while that definitely happens there, I'd want it to be more than an occasional occurrence.
None of this is to say that people don't form important relationships. River has a family that obviously loves each other very much, and I saw that both he and Peter had friends they are very close to. In fact, Peter felt that the shallowness was not as widespread as I'd noticed, which, considering he's been there 10 years and I was there 7 days, is something on which I'll defer to his judgment.
Far from being negative, I think observing the differences in the culture there is great, because it helps me understand River a lot better. When we met last year he told me he was kind of shy, but I think he was just trying to adapt to a culture very different from that he'd left behind. Here in DC, I've found it's difficult to get to know people of substance without developing a relationship based on substance. I think he has been adjusting to this place, and doing a great job of it. I also understand better why we related to each other the way we did when we were dating last year. I'm so glad I got to see him surrounded by his family and friends in the environment where he grew up, as I think it will make us much better friends.
River in his natural environment
I'm not sure why shallowness has taken hold out there. River suggested that the entertainment industry has a huge influence; half the people you meet are "just waiting to be discovered." The fact that some of them have been waiting 20 years hasn't deterred them a bit. So a condescending, "if you can't do anything for me, why am I talking to you?" attitude has arisen in which people don't want to make firm plans because something better and more career-enhancing, like brunch with an assistant casting director, might come along. I think there has to be more than that, though. In the first place, a majority of the people there aren't in "the industry," and secondly, other cities have their own "focus" (like finance in NYC or government power in DC) that haven't resulted in the same perspective. It's weird, and I'm going to have to think about it more before I can hope to explain it.
Maybe we can get together sometime and talk about it. Let's play it by ear.
31 May 2001
Peter-Eater
Since I had such a good time in L.A. with River, I should mention the other person who helped me have so much fun: Peter. Peter is a fashion designer for a firm in Hollywood, and he always dresses with a unique style that makes him easy to spot in a crowd.
I met Peter in New Orleans last Labor Day when I was there for Southern Decadence. I had just arrived and was looking for my friends (good luck finding them on Bourbon Street!!!) when I felt someone grab my butt. To this day he says it wasn't him, but there was Peter with a black t-shirt that read "Peter-Eater," standing with his friend Vicki. Since I will usually engage in conversation with guys who grab my butt and have a cute, yet shy, smile, we started talking. We ended up hanging out the whole night, and the next morning we moved through the French Quarter trying to find the hotel where his friend Vicki ended up, a hotel the name of which we didn't know but the room keys of which were very distinctive (and so we went into hotels and asked to see what their room keys looked like). I will never forget that walk through the Quarter! Anyway, for some reason, we didn't exchange info to see each other again in New Orleans (I'm still trying to figure that one out) but we did exchange e-mail addresses. After returning to DC I sent him a note and, wonder of wonders, a few days later he replied.
We have been in touch ever since, by phone and e-mail, and even though we had only met that one time, I felt like we had really made a connection, and we began developing a good friendship. I feel so lucky to find someone I clicked with that fast, and over time he has become a very special friend.
Woo-hoo, naked ankles!!!
I had told him that I knew someone from LA and threatened to come back one time on a family visit and see Peter, and that is exactly what happened. We made plans to spend Sunday together, and once I realized the distance between his home in Hollywood and our hotel in Torrance, I suggested I crash at his place after clubbing in West Hollywood Saturday night. That was OK with him, but he was going to an afterhours party with friends that started at 3am, and he wasn't sure if I'd want to go. But hey, I was on vacation, so of course I wanted to go!!! We had a great time, getting home about 7am, then hanging out for a while, then finally sleeping for 5 hours before going to lunch with his friends. Then he took me around Hollywood, showing it to me through his eyes (which, I should add, are very perceptive). We ended our evening with dinner at a great little Italian place, followed by a mad dash to show his sister how to get to the airport so she could catch her flight to Hong Kong (but that's another story).
Peter added something very special to my LA experience. We really had a great time together, and I must say, with his flair and his style of living, I think Adrian would really like him, too. I'm lucky to know him.
Oh, and speaking of Adrian...he found a bug in the bathroom this morning and came to get me so I could kill it for him. I felt like Ricky Ricardo. "Loooocy, whatchu mean chu can't kill dat poor little bug, huh?"
I know, I know, I know
Yes, I know, I haven't posted an entry yet telling about the FABULOUS TIME Adrian and I had in New York this week.
What can I say? I've been busy.
We got back Wednesday afternoon, and I've been scrambling since then to finish a paper due Thursday night. It's turned in now, which means I only have one paper left (due Tuesday) and then I will be DONE for the semester.
Which means I start working on my summer projects on Wednesday.
But anyway, I will post an update about New York, probably on Friday. I need a little sleep first (I'm still kinda tired from New York). Tonight is the first night I've slept alone since Saturday. I wonder if I'm actually getting used to sleeping with someone.
But now I'm rambling, a sure sign that I need to go to bed.
4 May 2001
Not exactly "Tales of the City," but...
OK, so, Adrian and I visited New York for a couple days, and we had an AMAZING time. From the moment we left for the train station until we got home and went back to work, it was fun, fun, fun, with plenty of great little adventures. This is a long entry, but I wanted to capture all of this in my journal. So here goes…
THE REASON WE WENT
Believe it or not, this really was a work-related trip. A group of us from school were invited to present our research to the folks in the peacekeeping department at the United Nations. My presentation lasted about 20 minutes and it went GREAT! I got some insightful questions from the audience, which I think I handled very well, and I’ve already gotten a couple e-mails requesting copies of my paper (now I just need to finish writing it!!!). I may have the chance to contribute some future research to them which, any way you look at it, is pretty cool.
Oh, and I stopped in the UN gift shop and bought a key chain with the Laotian flag on it, in honor of Adrian. =)
FOOD AND WINE
I’m glad we walked so much in the city, because I ate and drank WAY too much. But it was all so good! Monday, after getting to town earlier than planned (we had great train karma all day) we were able to check into the hotel and made a beeline for Christopher Street. Lunch was at a wonderful place called The Riviera, where we had a great meal with wine for only $10 each. Dinner that night was at an Italian place called Cafe Torrino, which River and I went to in December. We walked around for 20 minutes looking for it (I couldn’t remember the name or the street it was on, I just remembered what the neighborhood looked like) and it was almost 11 when we found it, but the food was good (mine was, anyway, though Adrian’s wasn’t the greatest) and the waiter was very friendly. Dessert was at Caffe Rafaella on 7th Avenue, which River and I had also been to, and it was amazingly good. Tuesday night’s pre-theater dinner was at Sardi’s, a Broadway institution, which I had been to 5 years ago and which I wanted Adrian to experience. After the play we ventured out to Don’t Tell Mama, a wonderful piano bar on West 46th Street which was SO much fun!! (many thanks to Mikey for recommending it, and if it weren’t for his finals, he would’ve met us there…next time, Mikey, next time!!!!)
It’s funny, but for the first time, I can see myself having my “hangouts” in New York. Sure, Sardi’s was one of those “special” experiences, but The Riviera and Don’t Tell Mama could easily be regular stops for me there. I’m finally realizing that, when I leave DC next year, I won’t live merely 3 hours from New York, so I really need to take advantage of the fact that I’m here. Adrian and I were talking about it, and we definitely foresee some return trips. I’m really growing to like that city.
THE PLAY’S THE THING
We had gotten tickets to see Cabaret and were excited for a number of reasons. First, the seats were great (front row of the mezzanine, always the best seats as far as I’m concerned). Second, the theater was Studio 54…yes, THAT Studio 54, which is no longer a sleazy disco but which now is hosting a sleazy play. =) Third, this is one of Adrian’s favorite musicals, and it’s one I haven’t seen since a college production 15 years ago (and I was curious to see how the grown-ups do it!). And finally, it stars Gina Gershon, and Adrian is a huge Gina Gershon fan. So off we went.
Apparently, though, we’d used up our good karma on the trains: Gina Gershon was off promoting her new film, so the understudy was playing her part that night. I think Adrian was bummed at first, but Amanda Watkins was great in the role, and we both really enjoyed her performance (I got the impression later that it was the first time she’d done it). The guy who really caught my eye was Matt McGrath, who played the Emcee. (Matt was in Boys Don’t Cry and Broken Hearts Club, among many other films) There was a LOT of sexuality in the play, much more so than I saw in college, and it wasn’t exactly all straight, either. Plenty of boy-boy kissing, and you know that never bothers me! Their use of makeup and lighting created a really desperate, kinda disgusting, sensuality that was strangely alluring. Speaking of strangely alluring, there’s a point where the Emcee comes up on a catwalk right by the mezzanine, and while there’s a scene going on down on the stage, Matt is being very flirtatious with certain members of the audience. I happened to catch his eye, and he began staring at me, touching his chest, undoing his robe…all the while I’m putting on my best “innocent boy next door” face. Yeah, he wasn’t fooled. =)
So, Adrian and I agreed the play was great, and I said “why don’t we go hang out by the stage door and let them know we loved it.” We did, and found that everybody else who was there had friends in the cast. We sort of hung back, and when Matt and Amanda came out they were talking with friends. Matt then saw us and came over, saying “you guys were up on the mezzanine, weren’t you?” Now, that is class, in my book. I thought it was very sweet that he remembered us, considering it was dark in the theater, we weren’t sitting right next to where he was, and he had other things on his mind like, you know, acting. But we chatted about the play, about his movies, about what we do in DC, about what he’s doing next (a film called The Anniversary Party…watch for it!). We also talked to Amanda, who had assumed we were Matt’s friends, and we let her know how much we enjoyed her performance. She was very sweet and we talked for a couple minutes. I have to say, Matt and Amanda really made our trip extra-special. They were just so nice!!
STAR STRUCK
Hanging out by the stage door and meeting Matt and Amanda was fun, but there’s also something cool about walking down the street and bumping into celebrities. The flash of recognition, the double take that follows…they’re like catching an inside joke on The Simpsons and wondering if the people around you got it. To wit:
Monday afternoon, in Greenwich Village, a man and woman passed by us talking. I jokingly said to Adrian, “hey was that Margaret Cho?” Upon getting home Wednesday I read DJ Paris’ journal, only to learn that the hilarious Ms Cho was in NYC this week promoting her new book. So yeah, that probably was her.
Tuesday night after dinner, as we passed by the St James Theater where The Producers is playing, I’m pretty sure I passed Gene Hackman, who is one of my all-time favorite actors. He’s letting his hair grow, apparently.
And as we left the theater Tuesday night and were headed to Don't Tell Mama, we were passed by Judd Hirsch, walking and chatting with a friend. “Hey,” I said to Adrian, “that was Judd Hirsch!” He replied, “Who?” (for those who don’t know, Judd Hirsch starred in the show Taxi for many years, and was most recently seen as the incredibly Jewish father of the I-believe-in-science-not-religion Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day.)
THAT’S ALL
Sure, there are other details, but those are for Adrian and I to know, and for you not to find out. =) I have to say, I’m really glad he and I went together. As much as I’ve enjoyed traveling by myself in the past, it’s nice to take a quick little trip like that with someone who’s up for an adventure or two. He was so laid back the whole time, he helped keep me from getting nervous about my presentation, and I didn’t feel like I had to worry about whether he was having a good time. ‘Cuz he was. And so was I.
There’s 8 million stories in the big city, and for a couple days, we were one of them.
5 May 2001
Things I like about Adrian
Cuddling in bed and doing crossword puzzles together.
Having him say "oh, I don’t really get into meeting celebrities," then watching his eyes light up when we do.
Feeling him throw his leg over mine in bed because it’s too hot to really cuddle, but he wants to be touching me while he sleeps.
Hearing him singing in the shower when he doesn’t know I’m listening.
Trading plates halfway through lunch because we want the other one to enjoy this really great meal we ordered.
Snuggling on the couch while watching home-repair shows on TV.
The flirty little wink he gives me.
Riding the train. (and if you missed yesterday’s entry about New York, be sure to read it!)
Yeah…I kinda like this guy.
(But I won't post a photo here until I ask him if it's OK)
7 May 2001
Meanwhile...
OK, I'm going to have to make this a quick update. I'm finishing up my last paper, which is due on Tuesday. I've got a couple sections that still haven't quite come together, which wouldn't be so bad, except that one of them is the key point in the theory I'm laying out, and if I can't express it a little better, then I'm a nerd. Well, actually, if I can express it, that probably means I'm a nerd anyway. So it's kind of a lose-lose proposition.
Sigh. I'm rambling. And it's only been one paragraph.
I worked all day Saturday, then Adrian came over Saturday night after working all day too, and he hung out and did crossword puzzles while I worked on my paper 'til about 11, then we ran up to Andy's apartment and swiped his copy of Broken Hearts Club, which Adrian had never seen. Matt McGrath, whom we met in New York, starred in it, and he was very good and quite the little "Meanwhile...". (and if you don't know what that means, that's a clue you should go rent/buy the movie!)
Anywayz, his brother came and picked him up and they went home. Adrian was working all day Sunday, and I worked here. We went out with Chris and Rachel, his college roommates, as it was Chris' birthday. We took them to that French place in Adams Morgan that I visited for the first time last month. Excellent food, of course, and fun service, and good company, and we followed it up with a couple drinks at a nearby club before calling it a night. We were TIRED!!! (but not TOO tired )
Today has been another "work all day" kinda day. I know it seems like I'm waiting until the last minute to work on this stuff, but I actually had a draft going about 3 weeks ago. It's changed a lot since then, though, because I've given two presentations on this paper and have made lots of changes based on that. And frankly, I've been working on the theory and hypothesis evaluation all semester -- putting it all down on paper is, believe it or not, the easy part.
I'm glad I'm getting my PhD but I will never understand people who go back and get a second one. Those are probably the same folks with the S&M bumper stickers on their cars.
8 May 2001
WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm done, I'm done, I'm done!!!
At 4:33pm this afternoon I hit the "Send" button on my e-mail and transported my last paper to my professor. 24 pages of wholesome goodness having something to do with national security policy -- I don't even remember anymore.
OK, that's not true, I do remember, 'cuz one thing about a doctoral program that's different from undergrad is that you can't afford to "brain dump" after a semester.
I think I'm gonna take a shower. And then have a glass of wine and think about upcoming trips (LA with River in 2 weeks, yay!!!). And then do some stuff with Adrian tonight. And then think about redesigning my website.
'Cuz I'm done, baby!! DONE!!!!!!!!!
Until tomorrow, that is, when I have to meet with my advisor and get going on my dissertation.
9 May 2001
And the chair goes over there, and...
Okay, I had something to write about tonight, but I'll save it, cuz I just got some really good news...
Adrian and his brother got an apartment.
And it's only a couple blocks away from me.
So...how cool is that?
Excuse me a sec...
YAY!!!!!!!!
They move in around the middle of June. Guess I better think of a housewarming gift.
Okay, that's it for tonight. Oh, except that I started on some dissertation field research today. But I think I've written enough about school for a while.
10 May 2001
Thanks for the updates
Yes, thanks to all those friends who have let me know about the cheating scandal at UVA. I actually knew about it last week from a message board, but it wasn't until the story hit the Washington Post yesterday (and subsequently made it onto NPR's All Things Considered, the New York Times, and CNN) that everyone else knew about it.
For those friends who have chosen not to say anything to me about it, I commend you on your wisdom. =)
For the three people in the US who haven't heard about it, the story goes something like this:
- Student tells professor that some of the 500 students in his physics-for-non-science-majors course cheated on the final paper last fall.
- Professor writes a program to examine all the papers from that semester and the previous ones (they were submitted via e-mail, so he still has them). The program looks for identical strings of words.
- Results of the program indicate 122 students either provided a paper to someone or copied from someone else (in other words, 61 students helped 61 other students, more or less).
- Professor turns the results over to the student-run Honor Committee, who initiates the biggest investigation in the 159-year history of the Honor System.
- The slight rumble you felt today was Thomas Jefferson spinning in his grave.
I am horrendously embarassed to have this happen. Since we instituted the Honor System in 1842, following a tragic set of events in which a professor was killed, we have been very proud of the community of trust that exists there. Ask an alum what they are proudest of about the school, and they will usually say "the Honor System." Nobody will say that no one cheats at UVA, but we will say that we generally trust each other, and we don't think anyone is really getting ahead of us by cheating. More than anything else, the Honor System prepares students to be responsible members of, and worthwhile contributors to, the "real world."
Though some will say this incident means the Honor System doesn't work, I would disagree.
- It was a student, not a professor, who refused to accept the violation of community standards, and who initiated the whole thing.
- The entire process is being overseen by students. Faculty and staff play no role in the administration of the Honor System.
- Students who are found to have cheated, even those who are supposed to graduate in a week, will face one penalty: expulsion.
- Graduates who are found to have contributed to the cheating while still students will have their degrees revoked. It has happened before, it may happen here.
- If this had happened at almost any other school in the country, it wouldn't have been considered "news."
Of course, the next time I visit UVA, I'm not leaving the car unlocked.
12 May 2001
Comedy of Errors
Actually, that might be an overstatement. Comedy implies humor. And it really wasn't that funny.
Friday night I was going to pick Adrian up when he got off work. I had to run to the grocery store to get a few things, so I figured I'd go there, then drive down to the restaurant and wait for him. I get down there, and there's a HUGE private party in the bar, so I call and leave a mesage on his cell phone's voice mail, then sit back and wait, parked in my car across the street. And, as a backup, I'd left an outgoing message on my answering machine telling him to call my cell phone, since he was supposed to call when he got off work.
15 minutes...nothing.
30 minutes...nothing.
I call home and check my answering machine. No messages.
45 minutes...the phone rings.
"Where you at?" asks Adrian.
"I'm across the street," I reply, somewhat giddy cuz I know how happy he's going to be since he doesn't have to wait for me.
"Oh...well, I'm at your place."
??????????????
It seems his brother had come by the restaurant and picked him up, then dropped him in front of my building. The first he knew I wasn't at home was when he punched the buzzer for my apartment and got the answering machine instead of me.
Oops.
Well, I was there 10 minutes later. And we had sushi. And he had an omelette.
And then...well, I don't normally write much about this in my journal, but let's just say I realized once agan how wonderful it is to be versatile.
Oh, and while we were talking during dinner, he referred to me as his "boyfriend." That's the first time I've heard him use that word. Of course, we've known each other for four months, and that's how everyone else talks about us, so I guess we can use that word, too.
Cool.
I went to happy hour with Arlington Michael tonight, and we talked of many things. He seems happy. I hope he is. Every now and then I realize how lucky I was to meet him. Plus, Adrian arranged an employee discount for us. Yay!
14 May 2001
This and that
Considering that graduation was on Saturday, you'd think all of my grades would have been turned in. But oh no, that would make too much sense. So far I have 2 "A"'s, and am waiting on one more class to see if I finally got a 4.0 for a semester.
Speaking of school, I met with some folks today regarding my summer research. It looks like it'll go a little more smoothly than I thought. One thing I've realized, though, is that, just like during the semester, I need to set a schedule for myself if I'm going to get stuff done. It's so easy to let the day slip by without accomplishing anything, and since I don't have any deadlines staring me in the face, I need to make sure I get my work done.
One especially cool thing happened this weekend: I got tickets to Toronto! I had told myself that if I could get a cheap airfare to Toronto this summer, I would head up there for a weekend. I have a couple Internet friends from there who go to school in different cities but who are both home for the summer, so, following my prediliction for visiting foreign countries to visit 'Net friends, I'm going to go meet Ricky and Scott. I visited Toronto in March '97 for a conference, but it was pouring down snow, and I was working, so I didn't get to see much. Scott and his boyfriend Cam have said they will show me around, so I'm VERY excited, and I am also looking forward to meeting Ricky and finally putting a face with the name. I'll be there the weekend after I get back from LA with River.
Saturday night Adrian came over after work. His brother came with him and we fixed pasta and grilled chicken Caeser salad, and basically ate too much and had much fun. His brother's pretty cool, and I am really looking forward to the two of them living so close by.
Also, on Sunday, I fixed a big breakfast for Adrian and I (that was AFTER I followed Scott's example) then took him to the salon. He did some work on my hair before they opened for the day, and I stopped by again later with a "thanks for being so sweet" card as I wandered downtown. It was a beautiful day, and I'm glad I got to spend the afternoon outside. DC has some cool places to hang out and look at cute boys.
And Sunday night I fixed dinner for da boyz. It was fun, I haven't thrown together dinner like that in a while. Of course, I'm still cleaning up this afternoon.
And Tracy returned from San Francisco last night. YAY!!!!!!
15 May 2001
Time to snooze
My last grade was posted today. It took two years of coursework, but I FINALLY pulled a 4.0 in my classes. Grades aren't quite as important here as they were as an undergrad; after all, once I have my PhD, is anyone really going to care if I got an A or a B+? Um, no. But it's nice to know that my skills have improved over the last couple of years. I mean, that's kinda the point of school. Right?
Today was a shopping day, not for me really but for Adrian and his brother. Actually, I think they wanted to let me know what kind of stuff would make a good housewarming gift. =) Anyway, we went to IKEA, and ya gotta love IKEA.
I'm going to bed now. I'm feelin' poopy. Head ache, neck ache, stomach ache...no fun. No fun at all.
18 May 2001
Time for an update
Yes, I know, I've been "off the air" since Tuesday. Loyal readers have been wondering if I was just tired that night, or if I in fact was suffering a cerebral hemmorage. Good news: it was the latter. I mean, the former. Whichever. "Tired" is what I mean.
The last couple of days have been quite busy, mostly socially, but with enough work thrown in to keep me honest. =) I have been making up for the month of minimal socializing that was imposed upon me by the demands of school (and if you look back at the 4 weeks in April and May and say "THAT was minimal????"...yes, it was. I'm very social by nature.).
So, Wednesday afternoon I met up with Teguh, a new friend of mine who lives just ouside the District in Maryland. We came across each other in the ether of the online world quite a while ago, but between our schedules there was no way to actually meet in person. We made up for that this week, first on Wednesday, when we met down at Dupont Circle and spent the afternoon hanging out. We had lunch, went to meet Adrian at work, went for a walk, got some coffee. He's a nice guy, and fun to get to know. Then Thursday night he, I, Adrian, Adrian's brother, and a friend of their's all went to Badlands for College Night. Mucho, mucho fun.
Oh, and at Badlands I ran into Dancin' Michael, who is back from college for the summer. I took him a birthday card at work today. I think he was a little surprised that I remembered. It's good to have him back, and I must say, he looks a LOT different from when I first met him last year. The kandy raver stuff is all gone, and he is looking totally GAP-i-fied.
Thursday I ventured back to IKEA and the outlet mall with Tracy. After 2 trips to IKEA this week I have purchased a bunch of candles, a vase for my kitchen utensils, and a ladle. Wow, what a haul.
Thursday night, before dancing, was dinner with my brother, whom I hadn't seen in about 4 months. It looks like he's going to take a visiting professorship next spring. Very cool, though I can still say I was a professor before him. No sibling rivalry there. =)
I had a good chat on Thursday with Dave, my college roomie, who lives in Colorado. He reminded me that he had predicted I'd get a 4.0 this semester. Obviously, then, all credit for my grades goes to him. =)
And in all of this, I've managed to get a bit of work done. I spent a few hours in the library today and came away with about 1000 pages of stuff I need to read. And soon.
And I made it to the gym today. Yay me!
And tonight? Comedy club!!!!!
19 May 2001
Honesty is the best policy (maybe)
When someone close to you is making plans and decsions, and you think they're making a big mistake, should you tell them? Maybe. It depends on what they want from you. If they are using you merely as a sounding board off of which to bounce new ideas, just so they can see how they sound when explained, then they probably don't want your advice. If they want to make sure they're considering all the viewpoints, though, then they probably want you to be honest with them. Since you may end up offering advice in areas that are really none of your business, it's usually best to find out what they want from you before telling them what you think they should do.
And if someone is upsetting you, it's usually best to talk to them about it. Let them know how you're feeling and why you feel that way, and try to find out why they're doing what they're doing. It could just be that they don't express themselves very well. Or perhaps they think they're sending you one message while you're receiving another. Or they could just be a prick. Whatever the reason, it's better to address an issue and resolve it (for good or for bad) than it is to let it lie, because it's only going to make you feel worse, and when the resolution finally comes (and it will) it'll be nasty.
When you approach them, though, try not to make it confrontational. If you make it a "me against you" issue, they'll automatically get defensive. It's human nature. Phrasing it in a positive light can better enable a discussion to take place without feelings of hostility and defensiveness.
These are just a few lessons I've learned before, and am trying to make sure I apply now.
And now, I'm going to go watch Saturday Night Live with Andy. Christopher Walken is hosting. Ever since Kevin and I saw him in a film 10 years ago, Christopher Walken has terrified me. Even when portrayed in cartoon form. Weird, huh?
20 May 2001
Hair today, gone tomorrow
I got up this morning and met Adrian at the salon so he could cut my hair before they opened. Actually, I got up 18 minutes before I was supposed to be there, and it's at least a fifteen minute trip even with no traffic. Oops. But I was outta here in less than ten minutes and raced to the salon, so I wasn't TOO late. And it gave him a chance to fix his own hair, which was big and rock hard by the time he was done with it. Mmmmmmmm, big and rock hard...
So he cut my hair, and it looked GREAT as always, and he had a half hour before they opened so we decided to go to breakfast (and we saw a few folks still in their club clothes from last night, heh heh heh). We were joined by Marc, another stylist, who also happens to be the CoverBoy in the current Metro Weekly, a little gay social magazine here in the District. We sat down and our waiter immediately said "aren't you in this week's MW?" Wow, breakfast with a celebrity.
Naturally, today was really humid, and naturally, Marc had to tell us "I don't wear underwear, so my balls are sticking to my jeans." Yeah, I'm sure you really didn't need to know that, but if I've got to hear it, then my readers do, too.
Today was a work day for me, as I've got about 60 articles to skim over before leaving for LA. I'm through 10 so far. This is going to take a while. I also did some work on my website today, doing a little redesigning on my Queer Youth Page.
Speaking of websites, my friend Douglas in Colorado started posting a journal today. Everyone should check it out, because I said so.
AND, since I mentioned one friend, I should mention another: Andy, who is a veteran, and who deserves a big thank you from everyone (well, everyone in the US, at least) because Sunday was Armed Forces Day.
I talked briefly with Teghu this evening. I think he had fun Thursday; I know the rest of us did, so a return trip is in order. I found out that he has a rabbit and a macaw. Apparently, he's trained the macaw to talk. I'm curious as to whether it speaks English or Indonesian.
Tonight was season finale night on Fox, so the boys were here (with the exception of Michael, who's in Texas this week, but he called to say he missed us). The very last scene in the X-Files was a bit of a surprise. I won't spoil it here for anyone who hasn't seen it; my only question is, was that a tongue I saw?
21 May 2001
Hey Mister DJ, put a record on...
...I wanna dance with my baby!!
Guess who got Madonna tickets today!!!!!! The August concert sold out in about 45 minutes, and I managed to get 2 tickets. They are not the best seats in the house, by far; however, they ARE in the house. The MCI Arena is not really huge, so even where we're sitting, we'll be able to see her (well, with binoculars, anyway) and we'll definitely be a part of the experience that is Madonna.
This is great. I've never seen her. I guess that makes me kinda like a virgin.
I also had lunch today with Eric, one of the Aristocrats (a group of my college roommates). Eric is at the State Department and has a very interesting job dealing with embassies in sub-Saharan Africa. It's good to know that if I ever get arrested in a foreign country I have someone to turn to! I hope to spend more time with Eric (and Greg, another local Aristocrat) now that I'm done with classes. They both have little kids, so they may be looking for an excuse to do something fun.
Adrian and I made Thai soup and a grilled chicken Caesar salad tonight. And now we're going to watch a lesbian film. I swear, living in DC is SO much fun!
23 May 2001
Go West
The Village People told us to Go West. So did the Pet Shop Boys. Who am I to argue with these guys?
So west I shall go. To Los Angeles. In about 3 hours.
River and I are headed to LA today. He's from there, and a few months ago invited me to come with him when he goes to visit family and friends. I'm VERY excited. I haven't been to LA in 10 years, and I was a very different (i.e., trying desperately to be straight, and not really succeeding) person then.
There's a lot we're planning to do, including a day at a spa, visits to some of his old haunts, a little clubbing, and I'm spending a day with my friend Peter, also. This should be a great time. And let's face it, the weather there has GOT to be better than what we've had here! I don't know if I'll be updating from there or not, so stay tuned and see!!!
I must say, my Guestbook (link below, hint hint) is becoming active. After a long dry spell, I got 6 entries in about a 36 hour period. Cool. Keep writing, folks, I don't know you're out there unless you do!
Yesterday was full of boring errands made much more exciting by the fact that Adrian was with me. It was a rainy, crappy day, so he hung out here while I worked, then we ran errands at the mall nearby and went for coffee. We had Chinese food and hamburgers, and did crossword puzzles, and we visited the apartment building where he's moving in a couple weeks (only 3 blocks from here). If my apartment building continues to jerk me around, I may find myself moving over there this summer as well. Lots more space than what I have, and much better pool and workout facilities. We'll see.
Adrian and I had a talk last night about stuff that's been on my mind. I was starting to get concerned that he wasn't having much fun with me, wasn't really enjoying himself when we go out. We talked about that, and all the stuff on his mind right now, and about how he may be thinking one thing, but something totally different comes through. I think he realizes now that he was giving me the impression that he wasn't as interested in me as he had been, and he managed to correct that. Knowing him as I have come to, I have realized that if there is a problem, he may not jump up and say something to fix it, so it may fall to me to say something. I'm glad we talked; if I had ignored it, I'd still be worrying about it.
But with that out of the way, now I can enjoy LA. Woo hoo, California!!!!!!
Do you think there are any cute bois there?
26 May 2001
Quick update from LA
Just a short entry, I'll try to post a longer one later if I can get online again. We're having a great time here; the weather has been pretty good, the boys have been fun to look at, and the whole atmosphere is VERY different from the East Coast. We've done some touristy stuff (River was forced to take me to Universal Studios!) and we went to a great little spa yesterday for mud baths, etc. =) Fun times are being had, but I gotta go!!!
30 May 2001
More Michaels than you can shake a stick at
Every guy in LA that hit on me (well, okay, both of them) was named Michael.
I'm back. More to follow...
30 May 2001
Let's play it by ear
River and I had a very good time in LA. We did some of the "tourist" stuff, like going to Universal Studios, visiting a hot springs spa in the desert, and checking out some of the piers and taking a drive along the Pacific Coast Highway. The weather was pretty good, I met some very nice friends and family of River's, and saw a friend of my own (Peter) who lives out there. I got to see some of the places River used to spend time, like a coffeehouse called The Library in Long Beach, and some of the clubs and restaurants in West Hollywood (which looked NOTHING like I expected).
Probably one of the most interesting aspects of the trip was seeing the Angelino culture up close and personal. I've heard comedians joke about the differences between, say, LA and New York, but I really saw what they were talking about on this trip. River and I talked about it a lot, and I asked Peter about it as well, and I think I have a better understanding of the typical LA mindset (I found this to be different from what I encountered in San Francisco last year). Though River and Peter differed somewhat in the degree they think the mindset is in effect, both agreed it existed.
What did I find? In many ways, a very shallow, noncommittal lifestyle. Many conversations seem to simply involve two or more people making noise at each other, not really listening or exchanging thoughts or information. It's tough to have a deep, meaningful conversation if you don't think the other person is listening. It was also common for people not to make hard and fast plans to do something, but instead to "play it by ear" and see if they actually got together. I think River missed the chance to spend quality time with some old friends because there seemed to be a hesitance to actually make definite plans, and when the time came to try to do something, people weren't available. River also told me that it's not uncommon for people to make tentative plans and then not show up. No offense is taken, it's simply accepted as normal behavior.
This is an environment in which I might not be very happy. I don't deal with shallowness well, and I tend to ignore it when I find it (as I have here in DC). If it were all around me, though, it would be tough to ignore. Folks there seemed to spend a LOT of time on their cell phones, making tentative plans that took on more and more substance as the estimated time of getting together approached. I think I will buy stock in California-based wireless providers. I also like being able to have conversations with people that go beyond the surface level, and while that definitely happens there, I'd want it to be more than an occasional occurrence.
None of this is to say that people don't form important relationships. River has a family that obviously loves each other very much, and I saw that both he and Peter had friends they are very close to. In fact, Peter felt that the shallowness was not as widespread as I'd noticed, which, considering he's been there 10 years and I was there 7 days, is something on which I'll defer to his judgment.
Far from being negative, I think observing the differences in the culture there is great, because it helps me understand River a lot better. When we met last year he told me he was kind of shy, but I think he was just trying to adapt to a culture very different from that he'd left behind. Here in DC, I've found it's difficult to get to know people of substance without developing a relationship based on substance. I think he has been adjusting to this place, and doing a great job of it. I also understand better why we related to each other the way we did when we were dating last year. I'm so glad I got to see him surrounded by his family and friends in the environment where he grew up, as I think it will make us much better friends.
I'm not sure why shallowness has taken hold out there. River suggested that the entertainment industry has a huge influence; half the people you meet are "just waiting to be discovered." The fact that some of them have been waiting 20 years hasn't deterred them a bit. So a condescending, "if you can't do anything for me, why am I talking to you?" attitude has arisen in which people don't want to make firm plans because something better and more career-enhancing, like brunch with an assistant casting director, might come along. I think there has to be more than that, though. In the first place, a majority of the people there aren't in "the industry," and secondly, other cities have their own "focus" (like finance in NYC or government power in DC) that haven't resulted in the same perspective. It's weird, and I'm going to have to think about it more before I can hope to explain it.
Maybe we can get together sometime and talk about it. Let's play it by ear.
31 May 2001
Peter-Eater
Since I had such a good time in L.A. with River, I should mention the other person who helped me have so much fun: Peter. Peter is a fashion designer for a firm in Hollywood, and he always dresses with a unique style that makes him easy to spot in a crowd.
I met Peter in New Orleans last Labor Day when I was there for Southern Decadence. I had just arrived and was looking for my friends (good luck finding them on Bourbon Street!!!) when I felt someone grab my butt. To this day he says it wasn't him, but there was Peter with a black t-shirt that read "Peter-Eater," standing with his friend Vicki. Since I will usually engage in conversation with guys who grab my butt and have a cute, yet shy, smile, we started talking. We ended up hanging out the whole night, and the next morning we moved through the French Quarter trying to find the hotel where his friend Vicki ended up, a hotel the name of which we didn't know but the room keys of which were very distinctive (and so we went into hotels and asked to see what their room keys looked like). I will never forget that walk through the Quarter! Anyway, for some reason, we didn't exchange info to see each other again in New Orleans (I'm still trying to figure that one out) but we did exchange e-mail addresses. After returning to DC I sent him a note and, wonder of wonders, a few days later he replied.
We have been in touch ever since, by phone and e-mail, and even though we had only met that one time, I felt like we had really made a connection, and we began developing a good friendship. I feel so lucky to find someone I clicked with that fast, and over time he has become a very special friend.
Woo-hoo, naked ankles!!!
I had told him that I knew someone from LA and threatened to come back one time on a family visit and see Peter, and that is exactly what happened. We made plans to spend Sunday together, and once I realized the distance between his home in Hollywood and our hotel in Torrance, I suggested I crash at his place after clubbing in West Hollywood Saturday night. That was OK with him, but he was going to an afterhours party with friends that started at 3am, and he wasn't sure if I'd want to go. But hey, I was on vacation, so of course I wanted to go!!! We had a great time, getting home about 7am, then hanging out for a while, then finally sleeping for 5 hours before going to lunch with his friends. Then he took me around Hollywood, showing it to me through his eyes (which, I should add, are very perceptive). We ended our evening with dinner at a great little Italian place, followed by a mad dash to show his sister how to get to the airport so she could catch her flight to Hong Kong (but that's another story).
Peter added something very special to my LA experience. We really had a great time together, and I must say, with his flair and his style of living, I think Adrian would really like him, too. I'm lucky to know him.
Oh, and speaking of Adrian...he found a bug in the bathroom this morning and came to get me so I could kill it for him. I felt like Ricky Ricardo. "Loooocy, whatchu mean chu can't kill dat poor little bug, huh?"
