Monday, April 30, 2001
April 2001
3 Apr 2001
It's Back
OK, well, my diary-x problem seems to be resolved. I don't know how, and I don't know what was going on, but I can access it again (apparently, I was the only person having problems).
I'll update this a little later. Be sure to check back!!
3 Apr 2001
MomQuest Continues
WHEW!!! After 2 days, I am finally able to log in to Diary-X again. I don't know what the problem was, but whatever it was, it was localized. As in, "only I seemed to be having problems." Though late today I heard from Miss Yum Yum that she was unable to access the site without crashing her computer. I hope she's back up.
So anyway, Mom has been visiting, but I haven't seen much of her. She got here Saturday and we went to see the National Symphony at the Kennedy Center. We heard Mahler's Symphony Number 1 in D Major, a rollicking little piece I like to call "Dueling Tympani." During my 12 years as a percussionist in junior high, high school, college and beyond, I never got to play a piece on the tympani that was as cool as the Mahler symphony. Those guys were definitely having fun. Of course, THEY didn't get to run around the football stadium at the University of Virginia wearing an Arab headdress on national TV like I did, occasionally playing with such luminaries as Bob Hope and Skyler the Frisbee Catching Dog. I guess we all have our moments.
Funny thing...you can dress them in tuxedoes, you can put them in the Kennedy Center, you can call them the National Symphony Orchestra, but they're still just the geeks from high school all grown up. And since they're the best players, why, they must have been the biggest geeks.
Of course, I was never a "band geek." Yes, I was in the band, but I was a drummer, a group despised by the director, envied by the rest of the band, and loved by the student body at large. Oh yes. We rocked. All night. And partied ev-er-y day.
Mom went to visit my "little" (3 years younger, 3 inches taller, 50 pounds of muscle heavier, already has his PhD) brother and his wife on Sunday and Monday. She got back today and we went to dinner with Andy. This is the first time she's met one of my friends here, and it was my idea, not hers. But I wanted her to start meeting the people important to me. The tricky part is that she knows Andy's gay, so I'm sitting here waiting for her to start asking me questions about myself. But she hasn't yet. So we still may coast through this. I was actually a little nervous about having them meet, not so much because of the gay issue, but because of the lingering "my parents embarrass me" feelings from my teenage years. We all had a good time, though, and we even stopped by the coffee shop and met Kenneth, who was way too polite and made me look bad in comparison.
Wednesday she's headed home, via the outlet mall. Now I know where I get it from.
4 Apr 2001
Something cool is happening
I've been noticing this over the last couple of weeks. Adrian and I are growing closer. I've definitely been feeling it and, wonder of wonders, it seems mutual.
(gee, I hope I'm not jinxing things by writing about it!)
I've just been noticing how much more I've been looking forward to seeing him, how much being around him makes me happier. When he showed up Sunday night a couple hours earlier than expected I felt a tingle. When I bought him flowers after dropping him off at work, I felt so good. He's been calling me more around lunch time to see if I want to come meet him (which I do, though it'll be tougher over the next couple weeks as the semester winds up). And we've gotten to where we talk every day, usually more than once (and we seem to be each other's "last call" of the day).
The nice thing is, this didn't happen right away. Too often, I think people mistake the excitement of meeting someone new for feelings for that particular person. In our case, we've just been getting to know each other, a little more, one day at a time. There's been no talk about the future, no heartfelt professions of feelings, just a comfortable "growing together" without any kind of plan or timeline.
I'm not saying I'm falling head over heels for someone I met just a little over two months ago. I simply feel like I'm drifting into something very nice.
And I like it.
And yes, MomQuest '01 is over. She headed home today. And no, we didn't have "the talk." Not this time.
5 Apr 2001
A recurring theme
I'll bet if I look back at my entries for Thursday nights, most will say "damn, I'm tired." Wednesdays and Thursdays are just not good days for me. Thursdays in particular are too long. And I've had a headache for the last 12 hours that just won't go away. So this will be a short entry.
But I should mention that I officially have a chairman for my dissertation committee! This is an important step towards finishing my comprehensive exams this summer and getting going on my dissertation. I've taken two courses from this professor and she's very cool. The trick now is to nail down the other members of my committee; I had been planning on one professor in particular, but after meeting with her the last couple weeks to discuss a paper for her class, I'm not sure she's someone I can work with really well. We'll see. I've got a few weeks left to get this together.
And with that, it's time for sleepin'.
6 Apr 2001
A good Friday
Not Good Friday, which is next week, but a good Friday nonetheless.
Adrian took off from school early for lunch and called to suggest coming by. He did, we had lunch, and then...well, anyone who was tuned into the webcam around lunch time might have seen a bit more kissing than they expected, but we moved out of camera range soon enough. =)
I went by the coffee house to see Kenneth, and took along my laptop to work on my paper that's due next week. I got a few pages typed out, but most importantly, i got to congratulate Kenneth, who just found out he got accepted at my school. Woo hoo, he's transferring there this fall. Too cool.
Tonight the Sunday Night Crew went for dinner at a Chinese place. The waiter was a guy I recognized from school. I used to wonder if he was gay, but now I don't think he is. I mean, c'mon, there were 7 reasonably good looking guys at his table and he didn't flirt once!
I could type more, but I'm going to go play with my new DVD player, which arrived today. Yay!!!
8 Apr 2001
Not much to report
Slow weekend. Saturday I met Adrian for lunch (woo hoo, sushi time) then came back and worked on my paper. Tried to, anyway. The weather was making me sleepy (it had to be the rainy weather, right? I mean, it couldn't be that I'm lazy, could it?) but I got some done anyway. Did some more today. I should have a good draft done by midday Monday, then can clean it up well before it's due on Thursday.
But who cares. That's just work.
Picked up Adrian after work Saturday and just went to dinner then came back and we downloaded from Napster until way too late. Got him to work on time this morning, fighting Cherry Blossom-related tourists along the way (I mean, c'mon, they're just trees!!!). Grabbed Tracy and made him go to breakfast with me (which was better than our original plan to go shopping, which I didn't have time for, and frankly, neither did he). Why is it that families with 6 small screaming children need to pack themselves into a small restaurant in the gay part of town? That's why they invented Denny's. Yes, as Andy says there shouldn't be discrimination, we shouldn't stake out "gay" restaurants. But actually, I think it holds true for ANY place, gay-friendly or otherwise: if you can't control your kids, don't take them out to meals and subject everyone else to them.
Or if you do, take them to McDonalds. 'Cuz I don't go there.
The Sunday night crew was mostly here, though Michael was out with other friends today and their plans ended up extending into the night. Alas. His loss, X-Files was good (I didn't realize how much I'd missed David Duchovny!). I finally gave Andy his birthday present; I'd waited to get him something I knew he wanted. So I wrapped up a DVD he'd loaned me and gave it back to him. Hey, he hadn't watched it yet, so it was kind of like a gift. Then I gave him his real birthday present, a t-shirt from the Java Shack that he had just said he had been thinking about buying. I'm glad he hadn't, 'cuz frankly, I wasn't sure what else to get him.
Oh, the guys from Car Talk on NPR posted their lost of the Top 5 Chick Cars and Guy Cars. The #1 Chick Car was...the New Beetle. That's too bad, I was hoping there was at least one car gayer than mine. Oh well.
Adrian and his brother came over tonight but didn't get here until after Queer As Folk. After working 11 hours today, Adrian still came over to give me the haircut he'd promised me. That is SO sweet.
And it looks good. I almost look like I'm in the military.
Almost.
9 Apr 2001
Yawn
Unfortunately, I have a very boring life this week. I mean, I guess it's fortunate for me, but unfortunate for the 23.7 people who seem to be reading this on a fairly regular basis, according to diary-x stats.
I've been getting e-mails from friends today regarding relationship concerns. I hope that's not becoming a trend. I think part of it may be that the e-mails I've been getting are from friends who are students. And it's Final Exam time. And anyone who's read more than one of my entries knows how much Final Exam time sucks. With a capital SUCKS.
I won't talk about my schoolwork here, because frankly it bores even me. On the plus side, Adrian may be coming over later tonight (it's about 10pm now) to hang out a bit. That would be nice, and it might get me out from in front of this computer for a while.
Unless he wants to download Napster. Then I'm gonna go work on my laptop.
Oh, and it was a beautiful day here today, and now it's pouring rain. This means something.
10 Apr 2001
I am so boring
A day of work. And little else. Adrian came by around 3 to hang out while waiting for his brother to get off work. He watched TV and napped on the couch while I worked. There's a certain comfort level associated with that which I like.
Almost wrapped up Thursday's paper. Made my fixes, now I just need to type them in. But that comes Wednesday morning. Then two friends (one of whom doesn't know about it yet) are going to be e-mailed copies of the paper and asked for their remarks. The feedback should help. Or maybe it'll just hurt my feelings.
I'm getting to bed at a decent time tonight. But unlike last night, there's nobody (or "no body") lying next to me.
Kenneth gave me a Cadbury Chocolate Cream Egg tonight. I love Cadbury Eggs, and Chocolate Cream, well, let's just say I was wet. In the good way. I'm not Christian, but I can appreciate Easter for the candy if nothing else.
11 Apr 2001
Drip drip drip SPLASH
I awoke this morning to the sound of rain on the roof. I really like that sound. You know, a hard rain, pounding onto the roof, sluicing through the gutters and splashing down onto the ground below. A hint of sunlight peeks through the window as it struggles to make its way through the clouds. The only thing that would've been better would've been if someone had been there to snuggle up with.
Then I realized something: I live on the ground floor of a 10-story building.
Chances are, I shouldn't be hearing much rain on the roof.
I will, however, hear water that is pouring through the vent in the ceiling of my bathroom. Soapy water that is coming from a leaking washing machine in the apartment above me. An apartment that is apparently so cavernous that it takes the lady who lives there five minutes to make her way to her door in response to my urgent knocking. "Oh, yeah," she says, "that washer's given me nothing but trouble." Hmmm, yeah, pity you never told the Maintenance guys, 'cuz now it's giving ME trouble too. And if it's not asking too much, WOULD YOU MIND TURNING THE DAMN THING OFF??????????????
Andy makes fun of me because I won't leave the washer or dryer running, or the dishwasher for that matter, when I leave home. Well, who has the last laugh now, Andy?
Hmmm...actually, Andy has the last laugh, and all I have is a wet rug in the bathroom.
But Andy is allowed to laugh, since he and River reviewed my Org Theory paper for me today. I need to make a couple quick fixes and I'm done. Then it's on to my peacekeeping paper.
Hey...how come the manager at Cafe Asia was saying they really need some more servers there, but she didn't ask ME if I was looking for a job?
12 Apr 2001
650, baby
Tracy and I were comparing SAT scores on the phone tonight. He noticed that some of my syntax in an earlier entry suggested I'd probably gotten a higher Verbal SAT score than him. 650 Verbal, 650 Math, were my scores. I think they score them differently now. You'd think that by age 35 your SATs wouldn't be a topic of conversation any more. Yeah, you'd think that.
Speaking of Tracy, he and I have some book discussions we still need to have. He bought me Armistead Maupin's The Night Listener last month, and now that we've both read it we need to compare our thoughts on it. Also, I bought Andy Like People In History and Boy Culture back at Christmas, and we should discuss those someday. The whole idea behind giving people books that I've enjoyed is so we can share the experience. Still waiting, though.
I've met some very cool people on the Web lately. I'm not going to mention any names ('cuz I'll leave someone out and feel bad) but you guys know who you are. A couple are local, here in the DC area, two are in Australia, one's in Florida. There are also some other cool folks in Ohio, Colorado, Florida, and other states. Thanks for writing -- I'm enjoying getting to know you!!!
And 2 folks I met on Spring Break in London have written. One's back in Malaysia, teaching at a university, and the other is on an adventure around Spain. Fun!!!
There's a chance I might get to meet another Net friend soon. More on that as it develops.
Tonight felt great. I stepped outside on a break from class and the temperature was just right, there was no humidity, no wind...it just felt GOOD. I wish it could feel like that every night. Springtime is nice.
Got my paper turned in, too.
Friday is Thomas Jefferson's birthday. Everybody look at a nickel and think about how cool he was (he founded the University of Virgina...oh, and wrote the Declaration of Independence too...and was President...and slept with someone he wasn't supposed to...which apparently goes along with being President)
13 Apr 2001
Happy (insert holiday name) Day
HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY!
(for all you religious folk)
HAPPY PASSOVER
(for all my Jewish readers)
HAPPY THOMAS JEFFERSON'S BIRTHDAY
(for all the UVA grads)
HAPPY LAO NEW YEAR
(for...well, you can probably figure that one out)
Today was a work day, followed by a gym day, followed by a Java Shack-while-working-on-my-paper day, followed by Sushi Happy Hour at Cafe Asia. Somehow i ended up spending even more on cheap sushi than I do whe it's regular price. I think it's becase I kept telling mysef "hey, get some more, it's only a buck a piece." Well, those bucks add up.
Adrian is on his way over with some DVDs. Tonight is either going to be a gay-themed movie night (which I guess means we should watch them nude) or South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut (which means we should swear a lot). Either way it'll be nice. We haven't been able to hang out, just the two of us, very much lately. And once he starts his new job, it'll be even tougher. But I'll get cheap sushi. Which actually means it'll cost me a lot of money. Ah, the vicious cycle of life. Or sushi.
15 Apr 2001
The Easter Bunny Missed My House
No candy or eggs for me. Drat!
I guess I just have to realize that I won't get as much work done on the weekends as I do on the weekdays. It's just too easy to go play with friends who have the weekend off. Though I wish I could've hung out downtown Saturday. The weather in DC was beautiful. But instead I was wrapping up my taxes (finally) and doing some writing.
Adrian and I got to spend some quality time together this weekend. He came over late after work on Friday and we watched Breakfast At Tiffany's, which I had never seen. Well, actually, I watched most of it while Adrian fell asleep on my chest.
Then Saturday we got up, ate, and drove casually into town so he could go to work. Like I said, it was a beautiful day, so I went and spent some time with Tracy before coming home. I worked here and then went in to pick up Adrian. Dinner at an Italian place, then back home for more snuggling and movies (we were both in a "stay at home" mood this weekend). Up this morning and, since he didn't have to work (the shop was closed for Easter) we got to go to brunch at my favorite brunch place, the Carlysle Grand. Good mimosas, good coffee, good food, great company. =) We came back, hung out for a bit, then his brother came to pick him up and I worked (though I didn't feel too good this afternoon -- somebody ate too much this morning!).
Kenneth had called and offered to come fix dinner for the Sunday night crew (he was also off due to Easter -- did I miss something? When did this become a big holiday where people go across country to visit family, stores close, and the federal government gets out of work 2 hours early on Friday? I just don't remember Easter being that big when I was a kid.). Unfortunately, despite a really good game of phone tag, we couldn't get in touch with each other, so there was no Vietnamese food tonight. Just bad pizza, good friends, Fox reruns, and a pretty good episode of Queer As Folk (did anyone else catch the JFK assassination reference?)
Why am I writing about all this seemingly mundane stuff? 'Cuz it isn't mundane to me. In the future, sometime when I'm down, I want to pull up this entry and remember a very nice, very mellow weekend where I just felt good.
Isn't that the purpose of a journal?
16 Apr 2001
Herr Fritz
I had dinner tonight with Fritz, who was without a doubt my best friend at my old job in Alabama. Though we didn't do much stuff together outside of work (he is married with kids, while I...well, I am not) we were inseperable at the office. We had the misfortune of being the junior guys at our agency, despite the fact that our education and experience left us better prepared for our jobs than almost anybody else there. We just didn't have enough gray hair, I guess.
I started to write a bunch of stuff about Fritz, then realized I'd already written it after his visit here January 8th.
Tonight's dinner was really good. I always try to find someplace that Fritz will really enjoy, preferably something that he can't find in Alabama. So far I have a perfect score when it comes to finding good food, and I wanted to keep the streak alive, so I asked a few friends over the weekend if they could recommend a place. Michael (with the kitty) recommended a French place in Adams Morgan (a somewhat funky neighborhood in DC) and Adrian seconded the recommendation. Good job, guys, the streak still stands! We had excellent food; great appetizers followed by a wonderful duck dish for me and ostrich for Fritz. Yes, that's right, ostrich. Then wonderful desserts and great conversation until I had to get Fritz back to his hotel (he'd been up for about 20 hours, having flown here today and having had meetings this afternoon).
I wanted this to be a good time, because this'll probably be the last time I see Fritz for quite a while. He's taking a new job this summer and will be moving to Hawaii. Since I don't make that trip very often, and since I doubt he'll be traveling to DC much in his new job, this was probably it for a while. And that's too bad.
Because Fritz is cool.
For a straight guy. =)
17 Apr 2001
Major changes? No problem!
Yeah, I decided to make a major change to a paper today. No big deal, except I'm giving a presentation on it, oh, tomorrow evening. I would've made an even bigger change to it, but I already submitted an abstract of the paper to some folks at the UN in preparation for a meeting there next month, and it would be rude to suddenly say, "Oh, my paper says THIS now."
But it's all good. I'm flexible. And versatile.
And I'm not going any farther with that train of thought.
This is a short boring entry because I have to get back to work and finish up this presentation. Apparently, those times this semester that I said "Oh, I can do that later" are adding up all at once. And that kinda sucks.
But on the plus side, Adrian is on his way over to fix dinner for me. =)
19 Apr 2001
Hmmmm...grapple grapple grapple
I think I need to talk to a couple people about something they've done that bothers me.
But I realize that Finals is a bad time of the semester to address anything, because I am already on edge. Little things become big things, minor tensions become major stresses. So it would probably be best to just keep my mouth shut and deal with these issues after the semester wraps up (or at least after I get the bulk of my work turned in).
As I told a friend recently, "any decision you make during Finals is bound to be the wrong one."
I just hope I don't get so tense that I snap at someone. 'Cuz that would be unfair to them.
It would probably be best to talk to someone not involved, just so I can let off some steam without pissing someone off.
Man, I can't wait for this next week to be over!
20 Apr 2001
A phone call from the governor
I got a little reprieve last night. It felt like sitting in the gas chamber and hearing the phone ring. One of my professors told us that, while we’re presenting our papers in class next week, the actual written paper won’t be due until the last class, the FOLLOWING week. HURRAH!!!! I’ll still try to get everything done by this Thursday, but it’s nice to know I have some breathing room in case I don’t. A couple things have come up this week that are cutting into my work time and were making me a little edgy, but this sets my mind at ease.
I had planned to get my friend Steve a pair of tickets to an event next week I knew he’d enjoy, seeing as it’s his birthday next Monday. Alas, he has a final exam that night. Damn school.
Andy saw Billy Elliot without me. Bad Andy. (c’mon, you know the rest…)
This weekend is Cherry, an annual circuit party in DC. I can safely say that I won’t be going to any of the events. They want WAY too much money for the privilege of bumping up against a bunch of gym bunnies in a drug-induced haze. Adrian and I are going to see a friend’s play instead. I’ve been to circuit events in New Orleans and Pensacola before and never understood why the locals don’t come out for them. Now I know. Actually, the enjoyment for me always came from traveling to a different place and hooking up with friends. Come to think of it, I never actually went to any of the big club events during those weekends. Though I had some very meaningful relationships that lasted for about 10 minutes at Parade in New Orleans. =) Truthfully, looking back on the five times I’ve headed off to circuit events, the best time of all was my last trip to Southern Decadence, and the reason it was fun was because I met a new friend, Peter from LA. Oh, and the fact that I slept about 5 hours between Friday morning and Monday afternoon might’ve had something to do with my fun quotient, too.
My DSL service seems to be back up. Finally! I called Verizon this morning to report the problem and the Customer Lack-Of-Support Tech told me they were having problems with a router in my area starting, gee, about 10 minutes before I called. Funny, by all of MY indications, DSL had been down since at least 3am. But whatever. He reminded me that, as long as DSL was down, I could always dial-in with my modem. Of course, if I wanted to dial-in with my modem, I wouldn't be paying for DSL. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
Okay, back to work…
22 Apr 2001
The crowd arrives soon...I better tidy up
Sunday evening, and I'm riding a wave of emotions this weekend. It's been an interesting couple of days. An incredible high, especially Saturday morning. And some anger and other things. I don't know if it's really a combination of different things that happened this weekend, or if it's some strange cycle of my emotions. Part of it, I think, is a realization that one of my friends has really annoyed me. And also, I know that confronting this friend would lead to dissension with one or two others. So I'll let it go for now. It's not that big a deal.
I better not write anything more tonight. I'm too edgy, too tense. Better to write things later when I've let myself relax and can think about things objectively. I'm sure I'd be making a big deal out of a little thing if I pushed it (at least, I'm sure I'd get lectured that that's what I'm doing).
Oh well, at least it was a beautiful day. =)
23 Apr 2001
Phone calls are a good thing
Once again I realize I have some of the best friends in the world. Dave called from Colorado this morning to check up on me. Andy called about an hour later. Then Tracy called this afternoon just to see what’s going on. They are so cool.
It’s been an interesting few days here, but all is relatively well. Various folks have been pissing me off, not by doing anything majorly bad (or even intentional, I think) but just by doing a bunch of little things that all seemed to build up over a short period. It’s easy to dwell on these things later and wonder why they happened, asking if maybe they suggest something about how these folks feel about you. Yes, there’s such a thing as overanalyzing and reading too much into something, but there’s also the idea that “actions speak louder than words,” so people might want to consider how their actions might be perceived by others.
And yes, I realize I’m under some stress this week and could potentially blow things out of proportion. Which is why I haven’t said much about this to the folks involved. Though I did let a couple of them know that they kinda set me off. As for the others, I won’t hold it against them, but the next time they do it I’ll talk to them about it calmly.
I should say that some folks have been pretty respectful of my time during the day the last couple weeks. People that I usually talk to a lot during the day have said, after a relatively short conversation, "okay, let me let you get back to work, I know you're busy, call me when you can." So thanks Adrian, River, Andy, and Tracy, for that.
Here are some observations, based on things I’ve seen or heard during the last week:
If a friend tells you he’s got a bad week at work coming up, don’t tell him that he’s making too big a deal out of it. Instead, be happy that he’s giving you fair warning rather than just expecting you to pick up on it.
When someone says, “well, I guess I can have one drink,” don’t offer them a second one 15 minutes later. Sure, they don’t have to take it, but it implies that you paid no attention to what they said the first time.
If you have two friends who are dating, don’t try to interpose yourself between them, say, if you’re at a club or something like that. No, a couple doesn’t need to be permanently attached at the hip, but you should give them a chance to spend some time together. Don’t try to monopolize someone else’s date.
Don’t dismiss other people’s feelings and priorities as if they are unimportant.
If you’re loud and annoying when you drink, consider not drinking so much.
When you can see that a friend is angry about something, consider providing a sympathetic ear rather than a lecture on how they don’t have any reason to be angry. (especially when you don’t know all the background)
LISTEN to your friends! And if they’re having a rough time, consider how you might do something nice for them rather than just ignoring them until they get over it.
And in the interest of full disclosure, I should not end this entry on a negative note. I definitely hit both extremes the last few days. Saturday morning, for instance, I experienced something with Adrian that was an amazing. Not any particular thing, just an incredible feeling that I want to remember forever and ever. Sometimes, something happens and you want to just capture the look on the face, the feeling in the eyes, the placement of the body, and hang onto it always.
So there.
25 Apr 2001
Yawn
It's very cool to be asleep with someone and feel him roll over, put his arm around you from behind, and pull himself close to you.
27 Apr 2001
Blink of an eye
It's amazing how quickly 2 years can go by.
Well, not 2 years exactly. More like 4 semesters and a summer. And in that time, I've completed all the coursework for my PhD.
Yep. As of Thursday night, I am done going to classes.
Well, I still have 2 papers due, a presentation in NYC for a class, and a dinner/class at a professor's house next Thursday. I won't be completely done with the semester until May 8th. But as far as going out to campus for classes, that's all she wrote.
A number of the people who started with me aren't in the program any more. Others are still in classes, not yet done like me, and some of them won't get this far. Still others will drop out during the dissertation phase. There is an extremely high washout rate for doctoral programs. That's why every milestone seems so important.
I've learned a lot about myself in the last couple of years. Some of it is very good. I've learned that I can operate without a whole lot of structure, without a boss looking over my shoulder, and still turn out some very good work. I've learned that I can judge myself based on my own standards, not on what my peers around me are doing. I've recognized when high-stress periods are approaching and can generally isolate myself from others so they aren't affected by it. I've been able to maintain a pretty good balance between work and fun, ensuring I produce high-quality work while still taking advantage of the flexibility I currently have (and which I won't have again for a long time!). Perhaps most importantly, I've learned that I have some friends I can really count on when things aren't going too well.
At the same time, I have learned (or re-learned) some things I don't like. I've found I'm a pushover for other people, and I let myself get cornered into situations where I'm doing things I don't think I should have to do (a certain Statistics group project comes to mind!). I've learned that a lot of people don't really understand what a doctoral program involves (and let's face it, I didn't either, until I got into one) and I spend way too much time trying to justify to others the time I put into my work. I've learned that, while I can make up a great plan for getting things done, I sometimes have a lot of trouble sticking with it.
And I've learned that, no matter how much I want to, I can't seem to update my journal every day. =)
For the next 15 months I'll be working on my dissertation (as of Thursday, I have 3 of my 4 dissertation committee members lined up -- yay!). This summer I'll put together a bibliography for my field of study and read about 30 or 40 books. At the end I'll write up the "field statement" explaining what work has already done in my field, and this will be the basis for a "field exam" at the end of the summer. After that, I'll try to add to the work that's been done already by proposing my dissertation in the fall, then working full-time on writing that until next summer, when I defend the dissertation to my committee and start looking to publish it.
It's going to be a very busy time indeed. I'm trying to do in three years what takes, on average, five years to complete.
So everyone better get out of my way!
28 Apr 2001
Social butterfly
Despite all the stuff that was due this last week, I still managed to be social a couple of times. Tuesday night Adrian and I met up with his college roommates, Chris and Rachel, for dinner at Cafe Asia. We'd planned it a couple weeks before, and I was really looking forward to it. After all, hardly a day goes by that I don't hear about the great times they had during their last two years at UVA. They were wonderful! Very fun, and very much in love. We made plans to meet up again in a couple weeks for Chris' birthday. I was so glad to finally meet them, but no matter how much dirt I tried to get on Adrian, there didn't seem to be much to get!
Wednesday night we had River and his roommate Peter over for a big dinner. As I found when I met him last month, Peter is SO much fun to be around. He must be very fun to have as a roommate. Except for some minor problems with the cocktails (it's amazing how gravity can put a mandarin martini all over your shirt) everyone had fun. The appetizer I fixed didn't turn out too well; the plan was good, but there were some problems with putting it together. But we had a very good time. Adrian enjoys them as much as I do. I swear, I make the coolest friends. Hopefully we can do it again this summer.
I kinda wish I'd been firmer about not doing it this week, though, because I had two projects due on Thursday. I was exhausted, and had spent most of Wednesday getting ready for the dinner rather than finishing my work, so I was rushing around Thursday and my presentation in class that evening didn't go as well as it could've. No big deal, I guess, so long as the final paper I turn in is a good one. But it bugs me that I lost my focus.
This weekend has NOT been social at all, unless you count going to the grocery store with Andy today (the only time I left my apartment) and having Adrian stop by for about half an hour after work for a buffalo burger. I was up 'til midnight Friday and Saturday working on a paper I want to finish before the New York trip on Monday. I'm halfway tempted to ask Andy if he can host the Sunday night crew if it looks like I haven't finished enough of my work. Next weekend won't be much better, as I still have one more paper to finish up. It sucks, but sometimes you have to spend your weekend nights doing homework, and I guess I'm just paying for last Tuesday and Wednesday.
Next week will be fun though. Adrian and I leave for NYC on Monday, and we're hoping to meet up with Mikey, a 'Net friend of mine, that night. Tuesday I have my presentation at the UN while Adrian plays tourist, then that night we have incredible seats for Cabaret starring Geena Gershon. We get back Wednesday afternoon, and it's back to work for both of us right away.
Hmmm...I guess a cool Broadway show is fair compensation for a couple of crappy weekends. =)
30 Apr 2001
Off to NYC
The title says it all...
Adrian and I are headed out the door to New York. I have a meeting Tuesday (yes, Andy, at the UN) and Tuesday night we are catching a show on Broadway. Then we're meeting up with a 'Net friend of mine for drinks.
And Wednesday we'll be back, and both of us will go right to work.
How cool is this?
It's Back
OK, well, my diary-x problem seems to be resolved. I don't know how, and I don't know what was going on, but I can access it again (apparently, I was the only person having problems).
I'll update this a little later. Be sure to check back!!
3 Apr 2001
MomQuest Continues
WHEW!!! After 2 days, I am finally able to log in to Diary-X again. I don't know what the problem was, but whatever it was, it was localized. As in, "only I seemed to be having problems." Though late today I heard from Miss Yum Yum that she was unable to access the site without crashing her computer. I hope she's back up.
So anyway, Mom has been visiting, but I haven't seen much of her. She got here Saturday and we went to see the National Symphony at the Kennedy Center. We heard Mahler's Symphony Number 1 in D Major, a rollicking little piece I like to call "Dueling Tympani." During my 12 years as a percussionist in junior high, high school, college and beyond, I never got to play a piece on the tympani that was as cool as the Mahler symphony. Those guys were definitely having fun. Of course, THEY didn't get to run around the football stadium at the University of Virginia wearing an Arab headdress on national TV like I did, occasionally playing with such luminaries as Bob Hope and Skyler the Frisbee Catching Dog. I guess we all have our moments.
Funny thing...you can dress them in tuxedoes, you can put them in the Kennedy Center, you can call them the National Symphony Orchestra, but they're still just the geeks from high school all grown up. And since they're the best players, why, they must have been the biggest geeks.
Of course, I was never a "band geek." Yes, I was in the band, but I was a drummer, a group despised by the director, envied by the rest of the band, and loved by the student body at large. Oh yes. We rocked. All night. And partied ev-er-y day.
Mom went to visit my "little" (3 years younger, 3 inches taller, 50 pounds of muscle heavier, already has his PhD) brother and his wife on Sunday and Monday. She got back today and we went to dinner with Andy. This is the first time she's met one of my friends here, and it was my idea, not hers. But I wanted her to start meeting the people important to me. The tricky part is that she knows Andy's gay, so I'm sitting here waiting for her to start asking me questions about myself. But she hasn't yet. So we still may coast through this. I was actually a little nervous about having them meet, not so much because of the gay issue, but because of the lingering "my parents embarrass me" feelings from my teenage years. We all had a good time, though, and we even stopped by the coffee shop and met Kenneth, who was way too polite and made me look bad in comparison.
Wednesday she's headed home, via the outlet mall. Now I know where I get it from.
4 Apr 2001
Something cool is happening
I've been noticing this over the last couple of weeks. Adrian and I are growing closer. I've definitely been feeling it and, wonder of wonders, it seems mutual.
(gee, I hope I'm not jinxing things by writing about it!)
I've just been noticing how much more I've been looking forward to seeing him, how much being around him makes me happier. When he showed up Sunday night a couple hours earlier than expected I felt a tingle. When I bought him flowers after dropping him off at work, I felt so good. He's been calling me more around lunch time to see if I want to come meet him (which I do, though it'll be tougher over the next couple weeks as the semester winds up). And we've gotten to where we talk every day, usually more than once (and we seem to be each other's "last call" of the day).
The nice thing is, this didn't happen right away. Too often, I think people mistake the excitement of meeting someone new for feelings for that particular person. In our case, we've just been getting to know each other, a little more, one day at a time. There's been no talk about the future, no heartfelt professions of feelings, just a comfortable "growing together" without any kind of plan or timeline.
I'm not saying I'm falling head over heels for someone I met just a little over two months ago. I simply feel like I'm drifting into something very nice.
And I like it.
And yes, MomQuest '01 is over. She headed home today. And no, we didn't have "the talk." Not this time.
5 Apr 2001
A recurring theme
I'll bet if I look back at my entries for Thursday nights, most will say "damn, I'm tired." Wednesdays and Thursdays are just not good days for me. Thursdays in particular are too long. And I've had a headache for the last 12 hours that just won't go away. So this will be a short entry.
But I should mention that I officially have a chairman for my dissertation committee! This is an important step towards finishing my comprehensive exams this summer and getting going on my dissertation. I've taken two courses from this professor and she's very cool. The trick now is to nail down the other members of my committee; I had been planning on one professor in particular, but after meeting with her the last couple weeks to discuss a paper for her class, I'm not sure she's someone I can work with really well. We'll see. I've got a few weeks left to get this together.
And with that, it's time for sleepin'.
6 Apr 2001
A good Friday
Not Good Friday, which is next week, but a good Friday nonetheless.
Adrian took off from school early for lunch and called to suggest coming by. He did, we had lunch, and then...well, anyone who was tuned into the webcam around lunch time might have seen a bit more kissing than they expected, but we moved out of camera range soon enough. =)
I went by the coffee house to see Kenneth, and took along my laptop to work on my paper that's due next week. I got a few pages typed out, but most importantly, i got to congratulate Kenneth, who just found out he got accepted at my school. Woo hoo, he's transferring there this fall. Too cool.
Tonight the Sunday Night Crew went for dinner at a Chinese place. The waiter was a guy I recognized from school. I used to wonder if he was gay, but now I don't think he is. I mean, c'mon, there were 7 reasonably good looking guys at his table and he didn't flirt once!
I could type more, but I'm going to go play with my new DVD player, which arrived today. Yay!!!
8 Apr 2001
Not much to report
Slow weekend. Saturday I met Adrian for lunch (woo hoo, sushi time) then came back and worked on my paper. Tried to, anyway. The weather was making me sleepy (it had to be the rainy weather, right? I mean, it couldn't be that I'm lazy, could it?) but I got some done anyway. Did some more today. I should have a good draft done by midday Monday, then can clean it up well before it's due on Thursday.
But who cares. That's just work.
Picked up Adrian after work Saturday and just went to dinner then came back and we downloaded from Napster until way too late. Got him to work on time this morning, fighting Cherry Blossom-related tourists along the way (I mean, c'mon, they're just trees!!!). Grabbed Tracy and made him go to breakfast with me (which was better than our original plan to go shopping, which I didn't have time for, and frankly, neither did he). Why is it that families with 6 small screaming children need to pack themselves into a small restaurant in the gay part of town? That's why they invented Denny's. Yes, as Andy says there shouldn't be discrimination, we shouldn't stake out "gay" restaurants. But actually, I think it holds true for ANY place, gay-friendly or otherwise: if you can't control your kids, don't take them out to meals and subject everyone else to them.
Or if you do, take them to McDonalds. 'Cuz I don't go there.
The Sunday night crew was mostly here, though Michael was out with other friends today and their plans ended up extending into the night. Alas. His loss, X-Files was good (I didn't realize how much I'd missed David Duchovny!). I finally gave Andy his birthday present; I'd waited to get him something I knew he wanted. So I wrapped up a DVD he'd loaned me and gave it back to him. Hey, he hadn't watched it yet, so it was kind of like a gift. Then I gave him his real birthday present, a t-shirt from the Java Shack that he had just said he had been thinking about buying. I'm glad he hadn't, 'cuz frankly, I wasn't sure what else to get him.
Oh, the guys from Car Talk on NPR posted their lost of the Top 5 Chick Cars and Guy Cars. The #1 Chick Car was...the New Beetle. That's too bad, I was hoping there was at least one car gayer than mine. Oh well.
Adrian and his brother came over tonight but didn't get here until after Queer As Folk. After working 11 hours today, Adrian still came over to give me the haircut he'd promised me. That is SO sweet.
And it looks good. I almost look like I'm in the military.
Almost.
9 Apr 2001
Yawn
Unfortunately, I have a very boring life this week. I mean, I guess it's fortunate for me, but unfortunate for the 23.7 people who seem to be reading this on a fairly regular basis, according to diary-x stats.
I've been getting e-mails from friends today regarding relationship concerns. I hope that's not becoming a trend. I think part of it may be that the e-mails I've been getting are from friends who are students. And it's Final Exam time. And anyone who's read more than one of my entries knows how much Final Exam time sucks. With a capital SUCKS.
I won't talk about my schoolwork here, because frankly it bores even me. On the plus side, Adrian may be coming over later tonight (it's about 10pm now) to hang out a bit. That would be nice, and it might get me out from in front of this computer for a while.
Unless he wants to download Napster. Then I'm gonna go work on my laptop.
Oh, and it was a beautiful day here today, and now it's pouring rain. This means something.
10 Apr 2001
I am so boring
A day of work. And little else. Adrian came by around 3 to hang out while waiting for his brother to get off work. He watched TV and napped on the couch while I worked. There's a certain comfort level associated with that which I like.
Almost wrapped up Thursday's paper. Made my fixes, now I just need to type them in. But that comes Wednesday morning. Then two friends (one of whom doesn't know about it yet) are going to be e-mailed copies of the paper and asked for their remarks. The feedback should help. Or maybe it'll just hurt my feelings.
I'm getting to bed at a decent time tonight. But unlike last night, there's nobody (or "no body") lying next to me.
Kenneth gave me a Cadbury Chocolate Cream Egg tonight. I love Cadbury Eggs, and Chocolate Cream, well, let's just say I was wet. In the good way. I'm not Christian, but I can appreciate Easter for the candy if nothing else.
11 Apr 2001
Drip drip drip SPLASH
I awoke this morning to the sound of rain on the roof. I really like that sound. You know, a hard rain, pounding onto the roof, sluicing through the gutters and splashing down onto the ground below. A hint of sunlight peeks through the window as it struggles to make its way through the clouds. The only thing that would've been better would've been if someone had been there to snuggle up with.
Then I realized something: I live on the ground floor of a 10-story building.
Chances are, I shouldn't be hearing much rain on the roof.
I will, however, hear water that is pouring through the vent in the ceiling of my bathroom. Soapy water that is coming from a leaking washing machine in the apartment above me. An apartment that is apparently so cavernous that it takes the lady who lives there five minutes to make her way to her door in response to my urgent knocking. "Oh, yeah," she says, "that washer's given me nothing but trouble." Hmmm, yeah, pity you never told the Maintenance guys, 'cuz now it's giving ME trouble too. And if it's not asking too much, WOULD YOU MIND TURNING THE DAMN THING OFF??????????????
Andy makes fun of me because I won't leave the washer or dryer running, or the dishwasher for that matter, when I leave home. Well, who has the last laugh now, Andy?
Hmmm...actually, Andy has the last laugh, and all I have is a wet rug in the bathroom.
But Andy is allowed to laugh, since he and River reviewed my Org Theory paper for me today. I need to make a couple quick fixes and I'm done. Then it's on to my peacekeeping paper.
Hey...how come the manager at Cafe Asia was saying they really need some more servers there, but she didn't ask ME if I was looking for a job?
12 Apr 2001
650, baby
Tracy and I were comparing SAT scores on the phone tonight. He noticed that some of my syntax in an earlier entry suggested I'd probably gotten a higher Verbal SAT score than him. 650 Verbal, 650 Math, were my scores. I think they score them differently now. You'd think that by age 35 your SATs wouldn't be a topic of conversation any more. Yeah, you'd think that.
Speaking of Tracy, he and I have some book discussions we still need to have. He bought me Armistead Maupin's The Night Listener last month, and now that we've both read it we need to compare our thoughts on it. Also, I bought Andy Like People In History and Boy Culture back at Christmas, and we should discuss those someday. The whole idea behind giving people books that I've enjoyed is so we can share the experience. Still waiting, though.
I've met some very cool people on the Web lately. I'm not going to mention any names ('cuz I'll leave someone out and feel bad) but you guys know who you are. A couple are local, here in the DC area, two are in Australia, one's in Florida. There are also some other cool folks in Ohio, Colorado, Florida, and other states. Thanks for writing -- I'm enjoying getting to know you!!!
And 2 folks I met on Spring Break in London have written. One's back in Malaysia, teaching at a university, and the other is on an adventure around Spain. Fun!!!
There's a chance I might get to meet another Net friend soon. More on that as it develops.
Tonight felt great. I stepped outside on a break from class and the temperature was just right, there was no humidity, no wind...it just felt GOOD. I wish it could feel like that every night. Springtime is nice.
Got my paper turned in, too.
Friday is Thomas Jefferson's birthday. Everybody look at a nickel and think about how cool he was (he founded the University of Virgina...oh, and wrote the Declaration of Independence too...and was President...and slept with someone he wasn't supposed to...which apparently goes along with being President)
13 Apr 2001
Happy (insert holiday name) Day
HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY!
(for all you religious folk)
HAPPY PASSOVER
(for all my Jewish readers)
HAPPY THOMAS JEFFERSON'S BIRTHDAY
(for all the UVA grads)
HAPPY LAO NEW YEAR
(for...well, you can probably figure that one out)
Today was a work day, followed by a gym day, followed by a Java Shack-while-working-on-my-paper day, followed by Sushi Happy Hour at Cafe Asia. Somehow i ended up spending even more on cheap sushi than I do whe it's regular price. I think it's becase I kept telling mysef "hey, get some more, it's only a buck a piece." Well, those bucks add up.
Adrian is on his way over with some DVDs. Tonight is either going to be a gay-themed movie night (which I guess means we should watch them nude) or South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut (which means we should swear a lot). Either way it'll be nice. We haven't been able to hang out, just the two of us, very much lately. And once he starts his new job, it'll be even tougher. But I'll get cheap sushi. Which actually means it'll cost me a lot of money. Ah, the vicious cycle of life. Or sushi.
15 Apr 2001
The Easter Bunny Missed My House
No candy or eggs for me. Drat!
I guess I just have to realize that I won't get as much work done on the weekends as I do on the weekdays. It's just too easy to go play with friends who have the weekend off. Though I wish I could've hung out downtown Saturday. The weather in DC was beautiful. But instead I was wrapping up my taxes (finally) and doing some writing.
Adrian and I got to spend some quality time together this weekend. He came over late after work on Friday and we watched Breakfast At Tiffany's, which I had never seen. Well, actually, I watched most of it while Adrian fell asleep on my chest.
Then Saturday we got up, ate, and drove casually into town so he could go to work. Like I said, it was a beautiful day, so I went and spent some time with Tracy before coming home. I worked here and then went in to pick up Adrian. Dinner at an Italian place, then back home for more snuggling and movies (we were both in a "stay at home" mood this weekend). Up this morning and, since he didn't have to work (the shop was closed for Easter) we got to go to brunch at my favorite brunch place, the Carlysle Grand. Good mimosas, good coffee, good food, great company. =) We came back, hung out for a bit, then his brother came to pick him up and I worked (though I didn't feel too good this afternoon -- somebody ate too much this morning!).
Kenneth had called and offered to come fix dinner for the Sunday night crew (he was also off due to Easter -- did I miss something? When did this become a big holiday where people go across country to visit family, stores close, and the federal government gets out of work 2 hours early on Friday? I just don't remember Easter being that big when I was a kid.). Unfortunately, despite a really good game of phone tag, we couldn't get in touch with each other, so there was no Vietnamese food tonight. Just bad pizza, good friends, Fox reruns, and a pretty good episode of Queer As Folk (did anyone else catch the JFK assassination reference?)
Why am I writing about all this seemingly mundane stuff? 'Cuz it isn't mundane to me. In the future, sometime when I'm down, I want to pull up this entry and remember a very nice, very mellow weekend where I just felt good.
Isn't that the purpose of a journal?
16 Apr 2001
Herr Fritz
I had dinner tonight with Fritz, who was without a doubt my best friend at my old job in Alabama. Though we didn't do much stuff together outside of work (he is married with kids, while I...well, I am not) we were inseperable at the office. We had the misfortune of being the junior guys at our agency, despite the fact that our education and experience left us better prepared for our jobs than almost anybody else there. We just didn't have enough gray hair, I guess.
I started to write a bunch of stuff about Fritz, then realized I'd already written it after his visit here January 8th.
Tonight's dinner was really good. I always try to find someplace that Fritz will really enjoy, preferably something that he can't find in Alabama. So far I have a perfect score when it comes to finding good food, and I wanted to keep the streak alive, so I asked a few friends over the weekend if they could recommend a place. Michael (with the kitty) recommended a French place in Adams Morgan (a somewhat funky neighborhood in DC) and Adrian seconded the recommendation. Good job, guys, the streak still stands! We had excellent food; great appetizers followed by a wonderful duck dish for me and ostrich for Fritz. Yes, that's right, ostrich. Then wonderful desserts and great conversation until I had to get Fritz back to his hotel (he'd been up for about 20 hours, having flown here today and having had meetings this afternoon).
I wanted this to be a good time, because this'll probably be the last time I see Fritz for quite a while. He's taking a new job this summer and will be moving to Hawaii. Since I don't make that trip very often, and since I doubt he'll be traveling to DC much in his new job, this was probably it for a while. And that's too bad.
Because Fritz is cool.
For a straight guy. =)
17 Apr 2001
Major changes? No problem!
Yeah, I decided to make a major change to a paper today. No big deal, except I'm giving a presentation on it, oh, tomorrow evening. I would've made an even bigger change to it, but I already submitted an abstract of the paper to some folks at the UN in preparation for a meeting there next month, and it would be rude to suddenly say, "Oh, my paper says THIS now."
But it's all good. I'm flexible. And versatile.
And I'm not going any farther with that train of thought.
This is a short boring entry because I have to get back to work and finish up this presentation. Apparently, those times this semester that I said "Oh, I can do that later" are adding up all at once. And that kinda sucks.
But on the plus side, Adrian is on his way over to fix dinner for me. =)
19 Apr 2001
Hmmmm...grapple grapple grapple
I think I need to talk to a couple people about something they've done that bothers me.
But I realize that Finals is a bad time of the semester to address anything, because I am already on edge. Little things become big things, minor tensions become major stresses. So it would probably be best to just keep my mouth shut and deal with these issues after the semester wraps up (or at least after I get the bulk of my work turned in).
As I told a friend recently, "any decision you make during Finals is bound to be the wrong one."
I just hope I don't get so tense that I snap at someone. 'Cuz that would be unfair to them.
It would probably be best to talk to someone not involved, just so I can let off some steam without pissing someone off.
Man, I can't wait for this next week to be over!
20 Apr 2001
A phone call from the governor
I got a little reprieve last night. It felt like sitting in the gas chamber and hearing the phone ring. One of my professors told us that, while we’re presenting our papers in class next week, the actual written paper won’t be due until the last class, the FOLLOWING week. HURRAH!!!! I’ll still try to get everything done by this Thursday, but it’s nice to know I have some breathing room in case I don’t. A couple things have come up this week that are cutting into my work time and were making me a little edgy, but this sets my mind at ease.
I had planned to get my friend Steve a pair of tickets to an event next week I knew he’d enjoy, seeing as it’s his birthday next Monday. Alas, he has a final exam that night. Damn school.
Andy saw Billy Elliot without me. Bad Andy. (c’mon, you know the rest…)
This weekend is Cherry, an annual circuit party in DC. I can safely say that I won’t be going to any of the events. They want WAY too much money for the privilege of bumping up against a bunch of gym bunnies in a drug-induced haze. Adrian and I are going to see a friend’s play instead. I’ve been to circuit events in New Orleans and Pensacola before and never understood why the locals don’t come out for them. Now I know. Actually, the enjoyment for me always came from traveling to a different place and hooking up with friends. Come to think of it, I never actually went to any of the big club events during those weekends. Though I had some very meaningful relationships that lasted for about 10 minutes at Parade in New Orleans. =) Truthfully, looking back on the five times I’ve headed off to circuit events, the best time of all was my last trip to Southern Decadence, and the reason it was fun was because I met a new friend, Peter from LA. Oh, and the fact that I slept about 5 hours between Friday morning and Monday afternoon might’ve had something to do with my fun quotient, too.
My DSL service seems to be back up. Finally! I called Verizon this morning to report the problem and the Customer Lack-Of-Support Tech told me they were having problems with a router in my area starting, gee, about 10 minutes before I called. Funny, by all of MY indications, DSL had been down since at least 3am. But whatever. He reminded me that, as long as DSL was down, I could always dial-in with my modem. Of course, if I wanted to dial-in with my modem, I wouldn't be paying for DSL. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
Okay, back to work…
22 Apr 2001
The crowd arrives soon...I better tidy up
Sunday evening, and I'm riding a wave of emotions this weekend. It's been an interesting couple of days. An incredible high, especially Saturday morning. And some anger and other things. I don't know if it's really a combination of different things that happened this weekend, or if it's some strange cycle of my emotions. Part of it, I think, is a realization that one of my friends has really annoyed me. And also, I know that confronting this friend would lead to dissension with one or two others. So I'll let it go for now. It's not that big a deal.
I better not write anything more tonight. I'm too edgy, too tense. Better to write things later when I've let myself relax and can think about things objectively. I'm sure I'd be making a big deal out of a little thing if I pushed it (at least, I'm sure I'd get lectured that that's what I'm doing).
Oh well, at least it was a beautiful day. =)
23 Apr 2001
Phone calls are a good thing
Once again I realize I have some of the best friends in the world. Dave called from Colorado this morning to check up on me. Andy called about an hour later. Then Tracy called this afternoon just to see what’s going on. They are so cool.
It’s been an interesting few days here, but all is relatively well. Various folks have been pissing me off, not by doing anything majorly bad (or even intentional, I think) but just by doing a bunch of little things that all seemed to build up over a short period. It’s easy to dwell on these things later and wonder why they happened, asking if maybe they suggest something about how these folks feel about you. Yes, there’s such a thing as overanalyzing and reading too much into something, but there’s also the idea that “actions speak louder than words,” so people might want to consider how their actions might be perceived by others.
And yes, I realize I’m under some stress this week and could potentially blow things out of proportion. Which is why I haven’t said much about this to the folks involved. Though I did let a couple of them know that they kinda set me off. As for the others, I won’t hold it against them, but the next time they do it I’ll talk to them about it calmly.
I should say that some folks have been pretty respectful of my time during the day the last couple weeks. People that I usually talk to a lot during the day have said, after a relatively short conversation, "okay, let me let you get back to work, I know you're busy, call me when you can." So thanks Adrian, River, Andy, and Tracy, for that.
Here are some observations, based on things I’ve seen or heard during the last week:
If a friend tells you he’s got a bad week at work coming up, don’t tell him that he’s making too big a deal out of it. Instead, be happy that he’s giving you fair warning rather than just expecting you to pick up on it.
When someone says, “well, I guess I can have one drink,” don’t offer them a second one 15 minutes later. Sure, they don’t have to take it, but it implies that you paid no attention to what they said the first time.
If you have two friends who are dating, don’t try to interpose yourself between them, say, if you’re at a club or something like that. No, a couple doesn’t need to be permanently attached at the hip, but you should give them a chance to spend some time together. Don’t try to monopolize someone else’s date.
Don’t dismiss other people’s feelings and priorities as if they are unimportant.
If you’re loud and annoying when you drink, consider not drinking so much.
When you can see that a friend is angry about something, consider providing a sympathetic ear rather than a lecture on how they don’t have any reason to be angry. (especially when you don’t know all the background)
LISTEN to your friends! And if they’re having a rough time, consider how you might do something nice for them rather than just ignoring them until they get over it.
And in the interest of full disclosure, I should not end this entry on a negative note. I definitely hit both extremes the last few days. Saturday morning, for instance, I experienced something with Adrian that was an amazing. Not any particular thing, just an incredible feeling that I want to remember forever and ever. Sometimes, something happens and you want to just capture the look on the face, the feeling in the eyes, the placement of the body, and hang onto it always.
So there.
25 Apr 2001
Yawn
It's very cool to be asleep with someone and feel him roll over, put his arm around you from behind, and pull himself close to you.
27 Apr 2001
Blink of an eye
It's amazing how quickly 2 years can go by.
Well, not 2 years exactly. More like 4 semesters and a summer. And in that time, I've completed all the coursework for my PhD.
Yep. As of Thursday night, I am done going to classes.
Well, I still have 2 papers due, a presentation in NYC for a class, and a dinner/class at a professor's house next Thursday. I won't be completely done with the semester until May 8th. But as far as going out to campus for classes, that's all she wrote.
A number of the people who started with me aren't in the program any more. Others are still in classes, not yet done like me, and some of them won't get this far. Still others will drop out during the dissertation phase. There is an extremely high washout rate for doctoral programs. That's why every milestone seems so important.
I've learned a lot about myself in the last couple of years. Some of it is very good. I've learned that I can operate without a whole lot of structure, without a boss looking over my shoulder, and still turn out some very good work. I've learned that I can judge myself based on my own standards, not on what my peers around me are doing. I've recognized when high-stress periods are approaching and can generally isolate myself from others so they aren't affected by it. I've been able to maintain a pretty good balance between work and fun, ensuring I produce high-quality work while still taking advantage of the flexibility I currently have (and which I won't have again for a long time!). Perhaps most importantly, I've learned that I have some friends I can really count on when things aren't going too well.
At the same time, I have learned (or re-learned) some things I don't like. I've found I'm a pushover for other people, and I let myself get cornered into situations where I'm doing things I don't think I should have to do (a certain Statistics group project comes to mind!). I've learned that a lot of people don't really understand what a doctoral program involves (and let's face it, I didn't either, until I got into one) and I spend way too much time trying to justify to others the time I put into my work. I've learned that, while I can make up a great plan for getting things done, I sometimes have a lot of trouble sticking with it.
And I've learned that, no matter how much I want to, I can't seem to update my journal every day. =)
For the next 15 months I'll be working on my dissertation (as of Thursday, I have 3 of my 4 dissertation committee members lined up -- yay!). This summer I'll put together a bibliography for my field of study and read about 30 or 40 books. At the end I'll write up the "field statement" explaining what work has already done in my field, and this will be the basis for a "field exam" at the end of the summer. After that, I'll try to add to the work that's been done already by proposing my dissertation in the fall, then working full-time on writing that until next summer, when I defend the dissertation to my committee and start looking to publish it.
It's going to be a very busy time indeed. I'm trying to do in three years what takes, on average, five years to complete.
So everyone better get out of my way!
28 Apr 2001
Social butterfly
Despite all the stuff that was due this last week, I still managed to be social a couple of times. Tuesday night Adrian and I met up with his college roommates, Chris and Rachel, for dinner at Cafe Asia. We'd planned it a couple weeks before, and I was really looking forward to it. After all, hardly a day goes by that I don't hear about the great times they had during their last two years at UVA. They were wonderful! Very fun, and very much in love. We made plans to meet up again in a couple weeks for Chris' birthday. I was so glad to finally meet them, but no matter how much dirt I tried to get on Adrian, there didn't seem to be much to get!
Wednesday night we had River and his roommate Peter over for a big dinner. As I found when I met him last month, Peter is SO much fun to be around. He must be very fun to have as a roommate. Except for some minor problems with the cocktails (it's amazing how gravity can put a mandarin martini all over your shirt) everyone had fun. The appetizer I fixed didn't turn out too well; the plan was good, but there were some problems with putting it together. But we had a very good time. Adrian enjoys them as much as I do. I swear, I make the coolest friends. Hopefully we can do it again this summer.
I kinda wish I'd been firmer about not doing it this week, though, because I had two projects due on Thursday. I was exhausted, and had spent most of Wednesday getting ready for the dinner rather than finishing my work, so I was rushing around Thursday and my presentation in class that evening didn't go as well as it could've. No big deal, I guess, so long as the final paper I turn in is a good one. But it bugs me that I lost my focus.
This weekend has NOT been social at all, unless you count going to the grocery store with Andy today (the only time I left my apartment) and having Adrian stop by for about half an hour after work for a buffalo burger. I was up 'til midnight Friday and Saturday working on a paper I want to finish before the New York trip on Monday. I'm halfway tempted to ask Andy if he can host the Sunday night crew if it looks like I haven't finished enough of my work. Next weekend won't be much better, as I still have one more paper to finish up. It sucks, but sometimes you have to spend your weekend nights doing homework, and I guess I'm just paying for last Tuesday and Wednesday.
Next week will be fun though. Adrian and I leave for NYC on Monday, and we're hoping to meet up with Mikey, a 'Net friend of mine, that night. Tuesday I have my presentation at the UN while Adrian plays tourist, then that night we have incredible seats for Cabaret starring Geena Gershon. We get back Wednesday afternoon, and it's back to work for both of us right away.
Hmmm...I guess a cool Broadway show is fair compensation for a couple of crappy weekends. =)
30 Apr 2001
Off to NYC
The title says it all...
Adrian and I are headed out the door to New York. I have a meeting Tuesday (yes, Andy, at the UN) and Tuesday night we are catching a show on Broadway. Then we're meeting up with a 'Net friend of mine for drinks.
And Wednesday we'll be back, and both of us will go right to work.
How cool is this?
