Friday, December 01, 2000
December 2000
1 Dec 2000
slo day
Clouds
Homework
Wall Street Journal
Drunken sociology e-mail from Canada
A web site at Iowa State
Studying for Tuesday's exam
E-mail from Kevin
Good coffee
The cable guy hooks up Showtime
An A drive that doesn't want to work right
Phone call from Tracy who's in San Francisco today
Getting a reply from DJ in New York
Michael getting the fixings for Chex Mix
Wearing a new shirt for the first time
Heading to a movie with River, and won't be home tonight =)
Yep, that's all she wrote
2 Dec 2000
TTTHHHPPPTTTT
So there.
A friend was wondering why I get stressed over final exams. Good question. I'm not sure. So let's see if I can figure it out.
School is very important to me right now In fact, let me go one further: because my employer is sending me back to school, it is, for the moment, my job. If I screw this up, I haven't just messed up an optional, part-time education; I've screwed up my profession. Because of a commitment made to my employer when I started school, I can't just quit if I fail in school, they would just reassign me to another job. And chances are, it would suck. A lot. While I doubt I'll fail, this still hangs over my head.
There's no guarantee I'm going to do well A lot of friends tell me I'm really smart. Maybe so. Maybe not. Even if I am, that doesn't mean I always perform well in school. I graduated from my master's program with a 3.97 GPA. I finished my undergraduate career with a 2.89. Which way is it going to be here? I'm taking no bets either way.
I set very high standards for myself Probably too high. On the one hand, perhaps I should back off a bit, but on the other, well, if I aim low I'll probably perform low. And I don't want to do that.
This semester, in particular, is important Starting in the spring, I'll begin the initial stages of my dissertation. I have to form a dissertation committee of 3 professors. The professor whom I want to chair my panel is currently teaching 2 of my classes. I want to perform well in his classes since I want to work with him for the next year and a half. This is my opportunity to make a strong first impression. I don't get another chance.
I have gotten almost no feedback this semester This is probably the biggest reason for my stress. As an undergrad you had assignments, midterms, and such throughout the semester. It's a little different in grad school. In one of my classes I've written 2 short papers, and done well, so I have a pretty good idea what's expected of me when I turn in this paper in 2 weeks. One of my seminars requires a short paper at the end of the semester; it's the only assignment, but it's just a pass/fail course. In my other two classes I have no grades so far. None. Zip. Zilch. So how do I know if I'm really understanding this material? How do I know how well I'm doing? Answer: I don't. So when I turn in these papers in 2 weeks, and take my two finals (each of which is based on 200-300 pages of reading per week), those will be the only things that determine my grade. Scary.
None of my friends are doing this As an undergrad, when finals rolled around, they affected everyone around me. Now, I don't hang out with people from school, I hang out with my "real world" friends. And THEY are going about their normal lives, plus doing Christmas shopping, planning parties, what have you. So I really don't have anyone that I feel like I can blow off steam to, 'cuz this just doesn't affect them.
Hmmm, that's quite a list. I'm more screwed up than I thought! (grin) Oh, well, it'll be over soon enough. Then, just one more semester of classes, followed by a year of working on my dissertation. And who knows what THAT will be like.
I'm starting to understand why fewer than half the people who start PhD programs actually finish.
And Tracy called to let me know he was in the Castro. Damn him.
3 Dec 2000
Queer as Who?
OK, so, Queer As Folk started tonight. YAY to ComCast for getting my Showtime account hooked up in time!
I never saw the British version, but I can say that I enjoy the US version pretty well so far. I already know which character I identify with (and I'm not telling!!!). It seems to show a pretty good portrayal of some aspects of gay life that, incidentally, are also aspects of many straight people's lives, too.
Does anyone else think this show seems a lot like Broken Hearts' Club? Was BHC written with QAF in mind?
They're expanding this well beyond the British version; it's scheduled to last for more episodes, and the producers would like to keep it going after that. We'll see. I kind of hope that gay teens don't look at this and get scared of gay life, or think that they have to act the way a certain character does because that's what gay people do. With luck, this series will spark a lot of good discussion.
And if nothing else, we get to see Justin's body. What a cutie!!!
River and I talked for a little bit after the show. We had some problems this weekend, and I was kind of hoping we could talk through them and get them behind us so neither of us would stress over them and I could keep my mind on studying (in which I'm very behind right now). Nothing too serious, just part of getting to know each other and learn about each other. We've known each other for 4 months now, and I wish we understood each other better. I want to know what's going on inside his head, and I want him to know what's happening in mine. He shies away from anything that seems too serious, though, which is a shame, because I want both of us to feel like we're getting what we need in our relationship. I don't know when we'll get to talk again, this week is NOT going to be a good one for me.
Does it seem to anyone else that The Simpsons aren't having one of their better seasons? Just wondering.
4 Dec 2000
Brain hurts
I am a mess.
I know I'm not going to make it to the gym this week. And I'm eating leftover Chinese for lunch, pizza for dinner, and River's gingerbread bears and sugar cookies for snacks. This is going to lead to a poochy belly which I don't need.
Hmm, maybe I'll get an Ab Roller for Christmas. =)
I've spent most of the day studying for Tuesday's exam, as well as working on all 3 of my big papers (the little one will have to wait until later in the week). They're going okay. I was getting nervous about finishing everything, but I sat down and looked over the next 10 days and realized it'll all get done. Just like it does every semester.
Chill out, Bill.
I have been freezing all day. The heat is working, I don't know why I'm so cold. Maybe I could make a fire by rubbing two Boy Scouts together.
The only time I left my building today was to step outside to get my paper. So why have I been wearing shoes all day? For that matter, why have I been wearing pants?
Oh yeah, right...the webcam.
I would love to write more but frankly, nothing much happened today. And my brain is numb. So I am going to bed early.
Nobody sends you a care package during Finals when you're a 34-year old grad student.
5 Dec 2000
One down
OK, I took my first exam tonight. And I think I did great. Not great as in "wow, I studied way too much," but "wow, I studied just enough." That's useful to know, since I have another exam in a course taught by the same professor. Which means I should prepare just like I did for this one. But I have 8 days until that one.
I got an e-mail from Dave, my UVA roommate, today. He's on a business trip but was reading my journal over the last few days and thought I sounded a bit tense. He wrote:
Now, get your ass to the gym and work off some of the stress and then get back to do whatever studying you need to do.
Dammit....don't think about it....just do it.
Then he called tonight to make sure I went. Which I did. I like long-distance support. It's almost as good as a hug.
The cute boys were out in full force at Giant tonight. I just popped in to get a few groceries, but I ended up walking down a few more aisles than I really needed to just to get a glance or two. hee hee
This boy needs to go dancing. Maybe Retro Night at Badlands, the week after exams. Kenneth will go with me, I'll bet. I went to Java Shack for the first time in a couple weeks and saw him tonight. Kenneth is in a play that opens in a month. I can't wait to see it! My favorite Vietnamese gayboy doing Shakespeare...sort of.
Talking with River today I realized I could e-mail my folks a "wishlist" from a couple stores rather than subtly suggesting a gift certificate. Who would've thought my mom would ever be ordering stuff online? Speaking of stores, River is working part time at one of the malls. He wasn't planning to, but they begged him to come back temporarily. Hmmm, a clothing store short on help at Christmas? Who would've guessed?!
6 Dec 2000
Blah blah blah
I wish I could say I did something exciting today.
I mean, I could say that.
But I didn't.
Do anything exciting, that is.
So I could say I did.
And you'd believe me.
But I'd know better.
And that would be bad.
Ummmmmm...
...what was the question again?
wicky wicky wick
7 Dec 2000
The beat goes on
Okay, school report:
Today I turned in one of my papers (just a short one, not one of the biggies that I've got on my plate) and gave a presentation in my American Government class that was FABULOUS, thank you very much.
I also got a lot of information for my Canadian paper, which is good, cuz I have been most nervous about that one. But I'm fine now.
Friday is going to be a balls-to-the-wall work day, and I think I can pretty much wrap up one paper and have a pretty decent draft of each of the other two by the end of the day. Then I can spend the bulk of the weekend focusing on my exam next Wednesday and my class presentation next Tuesday.
As if anyone but me cares. =)
I should mention Tracy here because he'll smile when he sees it. And thanks to him for the great e-card! (hee hee hee, forking is almost as much fun as spooning)
I've found myself tuning in to this other guy's webcam a lot. I'm jealous; he has 3 cameras (living room, home office, work) and I only have 1. Something just ain't right about that.
Apparently, my ISP e-mail system hasn't been working well lately, which includes my "Billswebsite.com" address. Makes me wonder how many messages I've missed. I sent some test messages and only about half got through. Not a good sign. Anyone trying to e-mail me should probably send mail to UVAgrad@hotmail.com for now.
One of my former students from Colorado wrote me tonight. Apparently he was checking out my Friends Pages on my website and thought one of my friends was pretty hot (to the point that I think he's going to have some good dreams tonight!). That's actually kind of surreal, having one of my students talking to me about one of my Virginia friends. Though not nearly as strange as the year I was at Southern Decadence in New Orleans, stepped out of a bar called Lafites, and ran into one of my students. Hi there!!
And with that, it's back to work for a bit, then off to bed.
8 Dec 2000
My eyes are falling out
hubba hubba hubba
Other than a break for the gym, and fixing a couple of meals, I've pretty much been in front of this computer for the past 14 hours. And I think I've had enough for one day.
But I definitely got a lot done today. It's amazing how smoothly these big projects go when you don't have to worry about your weekly assignments for class anymore.
And I've put all non-school projects on hold for the next week. That helps, too. No writing books. No preparing articles for publication. No cleaning the bathroom. (well, maybe cleaning the bathroom)
My website e-mail is still down. That does not make me a happy boy. I've put links to a new e-mail address on my website and on this page (not that they get used much lately, except by a few people, thanks Krissy! hint hint, everyone else). Tech support is not being all that helpful. Anybody know a more reliable DSL provider in the DC area besides Verizon?
Tracy is a mite upset because he has to go back to San Francisco for a couple days next week for work. I understand why he's upset, because it's last-minute AND he was just there. But I wouldn't mind a trip to SanFran right about now.
I suppose I should do some Christmas shopping soon. Or else it's going to be school sweatshirts for everyone.
Since nothing really happened today, and all my deep thoughts are used up, I think I'll just close now with this quote:
Well, in the Wild Wild West
Me and Artemis Clyde Frog
Gonna save Selma Hayek
From the big bad spider
Uh, wicky wicky wick
- E. Cartman
9 Dec 2000
Wasted day, fun (I hope!) night
"Wasted" in the sense that I spent the whole day in front of the computer, except for a little early morning trip to Starbucks, "The McDonald's of Coffee." I would call them the "The White Castle of Coffee," but White Castle has more style.
But when I need a 10-minute stroll in the chill air to help me awaken, Starbucks is convenient. And the service there is better this year. An XandO moved in across the street this fall, but the staff there is rude and clueless, to a degree previously seen only in Verizon Online Tech Support personnel. Some of the Starbucks coffees aren't too bad, but I usually prefer to just buy the beans and brew it here myself.
But like I say, sometimes I just need to get out in the morning. 'Cuz lately it seems that might be the only time I get out all day.
River's coming over in about 45 minutes, then we're off to see "Best in Show," which everyone in the free world but us has already seen. The plan is for him to stay over tonight, and I hope he does. Since I have to get up early to study tomorrow, at least I can wake up with another warm body there (instead of the cold dead one that was there this morning...but I digress).
I just remembered, I did make it out one other time today. I ran over to CVS pick up some photos I'd dropped off. The pix weren't there, and the lady asked, "when did you drop them off?" I drew a blank. A total blank. I couldn't even remember being in the store. It turns out I was there...yesterday. 24 hours earlier. So,
1) the pix aren't going to be ready yet, which I should have realized, and,
2) Alzheimer's is setting in a mite early for Billy Boy.
Andy asked me to run upstairs for a quick fashion check before he headed out to three, count 'em ,three Christmas parties tonight. One straight, one mixed, one gay. Would you believe one outfit can cover all those? Well, apparently it can. =)
It was a year ago tonight that I met my friend Steve on the dance floor at Velvet Nation. I was the first guy he ever kissed. Wonder if he remembers that?
I just learned yesterday that Richmond Michael moved into a new apartment on his own, no roommate or anything. I knew he was looking into a place, didn't realize he'd taken it. I then learned today that he apparently went shopping at Ikea without me. Bad Michael. No biscuit.
Time for a shower before River gets here. No fair getting a mental picture of that. (grin)
10 Dec 2000
Thank you!
I would very much like to say "thank you" to the guy who sent me the following e-mail tonight:
I have to say thank you. your site made so much sense to me, especially the queer youth pages. well I'm an 18 year old from California, who is having a hard time excepting what I am.
It really means a lot to me to know that at least one person has found something useful on my web site. I won't embarrass him by giving out any other details about him, but it made me very happy that he wrote me. And I have to say that I'm very impressed by all the 18 year olds, and the people still in their early teens, who are realizing who they are and are working through all the stress of coming out. I was 26 before I was strong enough to quit denying what I'd always known. I think it's very cool indeed that so many people are sparing themselves the years of frustration and uncertainty that I put up with. I hope that any young people who are questioning their sexuality will take the time, relax, and think it through before doing anything rash (for a definition of "rash," see Justin on Showtime's Queer As Folk heh heh heh). Whether or not your parents are supportive, whether or not your friends stick by you, you are who you are, and you should love yourself for who you are even when you're afraid others might not. And if you feel like you're having serious problems, reach out and don't be afraid to ask for help. There are lots and lots and LOTS of people who have gone through what you're going through, and you are NOT alone!
I was going to write all about the very nice weekend River and I had, or how glad I am that my final papers are coming along so nicely, but you know, I think I'm just going to take the nice warm glow I got from that e-mail and take it with me to bed now.
11 Dec 2000
All-nighter? Hahaha NO!
I've decided to stay up and finish a draft of my big Culture paper. I don't have to have it in until the end of the week, but I want to have it finished as on as I can. I'm supopsed to present my research findings in class Tuesday night, so I better have a pretty good idea what the paper says. And that means it needs to be written. More or less.
I can't wait 'til New York.
River and I kicked around a bit this weekend, though I had to work a lot so we didn't get that much time together. But we DID get to see "Best In Show," which has been out for quite a while but still gets a packed theater when it shows (and it's even on 2 screens at the theater we went to). VERY funny movie, I laughed so hard I was almost crying, even the rednecks sitting next to us enjoyed it (probably because they could identify with at least one of the characters). I recommend it highly. 'Nuff said.
Then we went out for dinner and I had sushi. Yummmmmmmm.
What is it with everybody coming out this month? In the last couple of days I've talked with guys in England, Austrailia, and California who are just coming out. Is it the holidays? El Nino? Whatever it is, they seem to be dealing with things a bit better than I did.
Hugs to Fabian, a smashingly wonderful student in England, who explained the British Voting System to me today. I have a feeling I'm going to be asked about parlimentary systems on my comparative policy exam Wednesday. Now I'm sure to ace it! (well, that question, anyway -- I need to finish working on papers and get back to studying for that little test). Cheers, Fabian!
I saw on the 2002 Olympics Website that they've announced the route the Olympic Torch is going to travel through the US on its way to Salt Lake City. It'll come through DC next December. In February they'll announce the selection criteria for torchbearers. I am determined to carry it. That would be just about the coolest thing that has ever happened to me.
And with that, I better get back to work.
13 Dec 2000
Getting there
Well, it seems like everybody's making some progress.
For instance, the Supreme Court issued a ruling tonight that will probably mark the end of the presidential election in favor of Bush. While I'm not happy with the outcome, I take comfort in the probability that he will be a one-term president (I think either one of them would have been, even without the election problems). Time now to start looking for a Democratic contender in 2004. Anyone know if Bob Kerry's busy?
And I am making progress too, albeit not as dramatically as Bush and Gore (I don't intend to have the Supreme Court rule on any of my grades). I turned in another paper today. YAY. And I gave a presentation tonight that KICKED ASS. yay again.
I felt a little bad for a couple of the other guys who presented tonight. The professor asked each of them, "what does this paper have to do with this course?" Ooooh, that's gotta hurt! When I, on the other hand, was discussing MY paper, he kept nodding and smiling and commenting on how appropriate all my research was. YAY ME. Hmmmm, maybe the fact that he liked my stuff and thought these other guys were way off base means I'm actually getting this. Now, normally I'm not one to take comfort in other peoples problems. But I'll make an exception in this case.
I also got my final exam back for that class. Got an A!!!!!! Who knows, I could actually pull an A in that class, which would be a very good thing indeed.
So, here's the current score:
Papers turned in: 2
Papers still to be turned in: 2 (due Thursday and Friday)
Finals taken: 1
Finals still to take: 1 (Wednesday)
Presentations given: 2
Presentations still to give: ZERO, BABY!!!!!!!!!!
Martinis I've had in the past 10 days: 0
Martinis I'm going to have after finishing up: quite a few
My e-mail is up, then down, then up, now down again. It seems my ISP got "spam attacked" last week and they're still cleaning up. I need to set up my e-mail differently so I'm not relying on the fine folks at Verizon Online.
Sad day Monday: George Welsh, football coach at Virginia, retired after 19 years. I got to UVA during George's third season, when he was just starting to turn the program around, and the year he took us to our very first Bowl game (1984 Peach Bowl, where I fell in love with Atlanta). We were even ranked #1 for a few weeks in '94, and in '95 we became the only ACC team to beat Florida State (a heart attack of a game). It's kinda sad because George Welsh is one of the things about the University that was still the same from my time, so that's one more tradition gone, one more sign that I'm getting older and the world is moving on.
Hmmm. Guess it's time to dye my hair a weird color and feel better.
13 Dec 2000
My hand hurts
My right hand totally cramped up tonight, and no, not from doing that. I had a 2 hour and 40 minute exam tonight, and I took about 2 hours and 35 minutes of that.
And I nailed it. Absolutely NAILED it!!!
It's always a good feeling to get a test, look at the questions, and think, "wow, I guess I studied the right things after all." Of course, it helps when you focus on the books written by the professors.
The nice thing was, I got the feeling that I really know this stuff, not just memorizing and spitting it back out onto the page, but really and truly understand it. And that's a pretty good feeling. I remember that when I was teaching I tried to make each exam a learning tool as much as an evaluation. Apparently these guys have the same philosophy, because tonight's exam really brought some things into focus.
All that's left are two papers. One is done, I just want to review it again in the morning, then turn it in. The other needs to be finished, and I will do that tomorrow and hopefully turn it in tomorrow afternoon. Then I can go to a concert with Tracy with a happy heart. And leave my mind free to check out cute boys. :P
I got a call this morning from my friend Fritz in Alabama. He got a call this morning asking him to fly up and give a presentation at the Pentagon. Like, right away. So Fritz was leaving in 2 hours and wanted to meet up for dinner tonight. Dammit dammit dammit. There was no way I could get together. That totally bites, because I haven't seen Fritz since this summer. We've been good friends for 3 years, he knows all there is to know about me (well, not EVERYTHING, but he knows I'm gay), he's very smart, funny as hell, and I'm really sorry I couldn't see him. But I have learned that when deadlines are hitting, I can't go messing around. Strange that it took me 34 years to learn that. But there you have it.
My hand still hurts. So I'm going to stop typing now.
14 Dec 2000
I'm done...sort of
Finals are pretty much over. Yay.
I mean, YAY!!!!!
This morning I finished up a paper that was due today and got in turned in. Only one left to go at that point, and I had 4 hours to finish it if I wanted to go to a Christmas party on campus.
hahahahahahahahha...no
I worked on it until about 6 tonight, and in the process I think I made it a lot better. I've printed it out, and am going to review it one more time Friday morning before turning it in. I get this sick "point of no return" feeling when I drop off something like that, but it's soon replaced by a "holy shit it's done!" kinda feeling.
So no martinis until Friday. Though I did have a hamburger tonight.
Tracy had gotten tickets to see Jim Brickman at Constitution Hall tonight. What a wonderful piano player!!! I wasn't familiar with him before, but I definitely need to have some of his VERY romantic music around the house. I am so happy that Tracy introduced me to this music. And one of the singers traveling with him is Donny Osmond. And he was actually really good, without that insincerely sugary-sweet sister Marie of his. It was wild, at one point he started singing "Puppy Love" to these two women, and I had a sudden flashback to 1974. Very strange.
Most people reading this have no idea who I'm talking about. Of course, they've never heard of Shaun Cassidy or Bobby Sherman, either.
Ah, the 70s.
I am exhausted tonight, post-exams letdown is setting in, so I'm going to sleep so I can be awake tomorrow night in NEW YORK CITY!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
15 Dec 2000
I'm...done
Exams are over.
Not with a bang, but a whimper.
That was me whimpering.
Got my last paper in today, made a couple changes and I think it's really, really good.
So, yay, I'm done for another semester.
Now we're getting ready to head to new York for the weekend. Back Sunday night.
Better call Amtrak and tell them to load up the bar car.
Laterz.
17 Dec 2000
Mobsters and Monster and Judy On Tap
We're back from New Yaaahk. And a good time was had by all (well, by me and River anyway).
The trip started Friday with the 3 1/2 hour train ride from DC, where we were sitting next to three women who sounded like an episode of Sex And The City (and a bad episode at that). But we got to New York, got a cab, and got to our hotel with no problem.
Except they didn't have a room for us. Problem.
But, "no problem," said the lady at the desk, "we'll just have you go to one of our other hotels a block down the street. We just ran out of rooms."
See, now, that was my mistake. I assumed that, because I'd reserved a room, there was a room waiting for us. Of course not! A reservation is just their way of saying, "we realize you might come here, and if you do, THEN we'll figure it out."
But in reality, the hotel we went to was nicer (The Ameritania...I recommend it). It was right around the corner from the theater where they film David Letterman, and unlike every other room I've ever stayed in when in New York, this one was actually MUCH bigger than a closet.
Out to dinner Friday night for Chinese at Ollie's, on 44th Street. Then we headed to a piano bar, thanks to Mikey who suggested where to go. We tried to get into Don't Tell Mama on 46th Street, but it was too packed. We ended up across the street at Danny's which was fun. I had a drunken Mafia guy slapping me on the back, and at one point we were entertained by the startling tap dancing of one Judy Gallagher ("Judy On Tap") who had earlier demonstrated that she couldn't sing, either.
Up Saturday, kicked around town, but it was raining, boo. Visited Rockefeller Center, which looked very Christmas-y. Ended up down in the Village, then back to Midtown to change for dinner. We were meeting a friend of River's for some good Italian food a couple blocks from Stonewall, then we went to see Naked Boys Singing! a very fun little musical revue at the Actors' Playhouse. Lots of fun numbers, and yes, the 8 boys in the cast are all naked, but really after a few minutes you don't even notice anymore (yeah, right!). The guys were really good, and some of them really stood out. Eric Potter had a very expressive face and beautiful eyes (the guy's naked and I focus on his eyes) and Luis Villabon had a very friendly demeanor that was very engaging. Small World Department: I was chatting with Luis afterwards, and it turns out I saw him in the national touring company of A Chorus Line with my friend Allen in Denver in the spring of 1997. Whaddya know? Then we met up with River's friends, headed to Cafe Rafael for dessert, then over to Monster for a few hours of drinking, dancing, and general guy-watching. I'll admit, Monster wasn't exactly my kind of club, but we had a very good time.
Sunday we got up and fortunately had taken showers before the hotel's water went out. Oops. It was raining on and off, so we got breakfast, did some souvenier shopping, then headed to the Museum of Modern Art, which I had wanted to see, and which I figured River (having a BFA as he does) might want to visit. OK, so, it wasn't exactly his kind of art, but I found it interesting (and some of it pretty disturbing, too).
And then the train ride home. Standing room only, but we were lucky on got on early enough to get seats (Thank you, babe, for grabbing them!)
And now home. And so tired. So very very tired. And I have to get up and study for finals.
Oh, wait a sec. No I don't. I'm DONE with finals. WOO HOO!!!!
19 Dec 2000
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
Well, let it snow a little, anyway.
Monday I was a vegetable. There were things I should have done, Christmas shopping, mailing packages and cards, and so forth. But I guess I needed a day to just chill and come down off of my post-final-exam-and-New-York-trip high. I kicked around the house most of the day, then went down to Java Shack for coffee, then came home and worked on my website (I wanted to make my Friends Page easier to navigate) then waited for my friend Nick. He was stopping by after a rehearsal, and since he's going home for Christmas on Wednesday, I wanted to hang out with him a bit before he left. He got here at 10:30, we ordered pizza, and as seems to be the norm, we never got around to throwing a movie into the VCR. We just talked. For 6 hours. If you're doing the math, that means "until 4:30am." Mucho fun. And Bill was mucho tired this morning.
Incidentally, Nick was intrigued by my webcam. So much so that he mooned it. So anyone tuning in at about 1:46am Eastern time saw Nick's naked ass. But forget it, guys, he's straight. Women, on the other hand, should send applications. =)
As he was looking at my website he said, "wow, that friend of yours looks like a flight attendant I had on a trip last spring." The friend he was pointing to is Tim who, not surprisingly, is a flight attendant. The way Nick described him (he does a really good impression) convinced me it was indeed Tim he had met.
But I got up a little late Tuesday, then headed into town for lunch with Tracy (who has gotten all kinds of new furniture since the last time I was there -- what a great looking place!). We had a good time, then I was off to the Air and Space Museum and Natural History Museum for a little Christmas shopping.
Is there anything cooler than Christmas shopping at the Smithsonian Institution? Well, probably, but I don't know what.
It started snowing today, and it was COLD. Like, "stay inside and build a fire even though I don't have a fireplace" cold. And the snow was wet. And icky.
I drove out to see River at work tonight. He's doing some part-time hours at Eddie Bauer, and they were open until 11 tonight. I needed a sweater for my dad, so River helped me pick it out. Dad would be so happy to know my boyfriend helped me pick out his Christmas gift. note: subtle sarcasm
And now, my tired ass is going to bed.
Nighty Night
20 Dec 2000
Is the thrill gone?
I was noticing something in New York this weekend. The city has lost some of its glamour that it had when I was a kid.
When I was growing up, New York was this magical place that you always heard about, but didn't actually know anyone who had visited. It was the city you saw in the movies, on TV, and every Thanksgiving morning during the Macy's parade. It was a city of fancy stores, Broadway shows, and lots of rich people. I never even visited the city until I was 30, and when I did, I was thrilled to be there.
But the magic has worn off. I felt it when River and I were walking down 5th Avenue, or taking a cab to the Village.
Is it me? Is it the fact that I've traveled around the US and realized that big cities like LA, SF, and NYC have their differences, but in the end are just big conglomerations of people with the same food, same shows, same museums? Does it come from living in DC, where so much of the important stuff in the world happens that I've become nonplussed about the proximity to power? Maybe the fact that I've experienced cities like London and Rome that have so much more history behind them?
Or did NYC change? There are a Macy's and a Saks only 10 minutes away from me. We had them in Atlanta, too, and in Denver. Same with FAO Schwartz. These things that you used to only find on 5th Avenue are now in every major city in the US. You don't have to go there to shop, to see big musicals, to run into celebrities. These things are everywhere; is there nothing unique about New York anymore?
As we were going around town I pointed out some things to River, who'd never been there. Things that had always been part of the mythology of New York, like Sardi's restaurant and SoHo. And he hadn't heard of them. Is the legend of New York really dead?
And do I really feel an urge to visit again? Why leave DC in order to do the same kind of stuff in New York?
Except for watching a Robert DeNiro sound-alike telling a waiter "You got a fuckin' attitude, I'll put you right t'rough da fuckin' wall." That part was cool. And uniquely New York.
21 Dec 2000
A Festivus For The Rest Of Us
Tonight was the third annual Festivus Dinner, arranged as always by Scott. 10 of us met up at a little Italian place near here, and from all the camera flashes going off, the other customers must have thought someone famous was eating there. It was lots of fun, a good group, and the highlight was probably when Marc set himself on fire. Yes, a very good group. Scott gave me some fun underwear for my Festivus gift (the gift that many people can enjoy!). Scott has an online underwear shop called AttivoUSA that everyone should visit. (shameless product placement alert) And I also got to talk to ANOTHER Scott, whom I'd met before but hadn't gotten to talk to. he's just as fun as I'd expected him to be, and I'm sorry his partner couldn't come tonight, because he's very nice as well.
For those who are unaware, Festivus is a holiday that was featured on "Seinfeld." George's dad was fed up with the commercialization of Christmas, so when George was a little boy his dad created a new holiday. Each year at the Festivus dinner there's the "Airing of the Grievances," followed by the "Feats of Strength." We elected to forego those portions of the tradition tonight.
I went by Chantilly Michael's Gap store today to take him a Christmas card, and he told me some really great news: he's been accepted to Pointe Park College in Pittsburgh with a dance scholarship! He's gonna do it, he 's gonna be a dancer!!! He was planning to start next fall, but they want him to start in January so he can be in their spring show. Fantastic!!!
Andy and I exchanged gifts tonight. I also had lunch with Steven today, and we exchanged gifts. There has been a theme to my gift-giving so far this year: sharing things I'd like to talk about with my friends. There are different books, films, and music which mean something to me and which make me think of certain friends as I read, watch, or listen to them. In order to talk about these things with my friends, they have to have experienced them too, so this year has been about giving things to friends that I want to be able to share with them later. Kind of like my present for River, the tickets to the gymnastics exhibition earlier this month. I want these gifts to lead to more interaction in the future.
One gift that I hit upon today is for my grandmother. She doesn't really need any more "things" around her house, and I wanted to get her something cool. So, here's the thing: you see, we lost my grandfather this summer, and everyone misses him. Well, in Salt Lake City they're building a plaza for the 2002 Olympics (for which I have tickets YAY!) and for a donation they will engrave a message onto one of the bricks for you and place it in the plaza. So, I'm getting an Olympic Brick in honor of my grandfather. And the cool thing is, when I go to the Games, they'll have a locator system so you can find your brick, and I can take a photo of it for my grandmother. The plaza will be around forever, so I think that'll be kind of a neat little memorial for him.
River had to work tonight. I don't think I'd want to work retail during Christmas. He's a tough guy, I'll say that. The mall is open until 11 all week, and he generally has to stay until 12 or later. No thanks!
It's supposed to snow again tonight. But it won't stick. So no snow angels for me tomorrow.
23 Dec 2000
Have a great holiday!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!!!!
I'm off to visit my folks over the weekend, so I probably won't be updating this until Tuesday or so. Have a wonderful holiday!!!!!
27 Dec 2000
We now return to our regular broadcast
Christmas is over and it's bitch-ass cold. That about sums it up.
And now, the long version...
It was a very enjoyable holiday weekend. River and I celebrated Friday night. He took me out to a very nice Italian place down in Dupont Circle. The food was excellent, it was a very nice atmosphere (23% oxygen, 75% nitrogen, 2% other) and it was only about 50 yards from the Metro station, which was very important.
Then it was back here to open presents. At the end of November I had taken him to see the US Gymnastics Team tour and gotten him a program autographed by Paul Hamm (and had to fight some very intense 14-year old girls to get that). So that was Present #1. I also got him a CIA coffee mug (as he has told me he finds those folks very interesting -- little does he know the coffee mug has a listening device built in!) and a video of the gymnastics highlights from the Sydney Olympics (which, naturally, is on backorder and didn't make it in time, so I printed out a picture of the cover of the tape and gave him that for now). He gave me some very cool clothes, including a long-sleeve black button down stretch shirt from Banana Republic, as well as another great Banana shirt that is going to look fabulous with my leather pants! He also gave me a shirt from Eddie Bauer that he also has, with this cute little zip-up pocket in the sleeve that can hold all sorts of naughty things in foil wrappers. (grin)
We had a fun time, but he wasn't feeling well, so he went home around 10:30. I went to bed fairly soon thereafter as I was getting up Saturday to drive to my folks' place, about 4 hours from here. It was their 39th anniversary, so we went out to dinner at a very cool place that they only go to for special occasions. Sunday I visited a bunch of relatives, then on Monday we had Christmas (as did the rest of the world, I guess). My mom gave my dad a telescope, a big model with all the bells and whistles, such as computer for tracking individual stars. It's also good for spying on the neighbors, and when you live in the country as they do, you need a powerful telescope if you're going to peer into windows that may be a mile away. Some more relatives came over, and I also called River and Tom. Mom made a huge dinner and I ate WAYYYYYYYY too much this weekend (she makes the greatest cookies) and now I feel fat.
I gave cool presents because I am a great son. Yep, that's me!!
It's a little weird being at my parents' place, because I'm not out to them. You'd think they'd figure it out, and honestly, I think they have, but it's not something we'll ever be able to talk about. They are just too set in their ways, and I am too concerned about keeping everyone around me happy (one of my good traits which is also one of my faults) that I won't force them to deal with it. We'll just keep up the charade, so long as I don't visit for more than three days at a time!
On the way home Tuesday I went through Charlottesville to visit The University. Even without the students there is something magical about the place, which I felt as I walked along the Lawn. Then I bought a sweatshirt, which was magical too.
Got home Tuesday evening, planned to go surprise River at the store, but it was COLD and I didn't feel good and so I went upstairs and hung out with Andy for a bit (he left today for a week in Key West, where it's approximately 50 degrees warmer than it is here).
Today I'm off to get a haircut, since I look ugly at the moment, then I'm headed to the gym and maybe grocery shopping. Ah, the exciting life of a grad student on break.
My website is a year old. I update it pretty regularly, so check it out and let me know what you think!!!
28 Dec 2000
Never again
Well, I finally did something today that I've been meaning to do ever since moving here: I went to the US Holocaust Memorial Museum. Everyone has told me how good it is, how emotional it is, and I've been wanting to see it for myself. I think it's important to try to understand how something like that could have happened so we can prevent it from happening again. (and if you don't think it can happen again, I invite you to examine Rwanda in 1996. 'Nuff said.)
I found it very interesting...they've collected a LOT of materials from the concentration camps and from Germany and the other European countries, especially photographs, clothing, and first-person accounts. I learned a lot about the bureaucratic process that led to the harassment, the arrests, the pograms, the deportations to the ghettos, and finally, to the "Final Solution." It's amazing and sickening to see how a government can take actions like that.
At the same time, I found that I wasn't all that emotionally affected by the experience. I was shocked by some of the photos, and I was appalled by some of the things the US government did (or didn't do), but it's not like I felt depressed by the end, as so many folks have told me they have. Now, that's odd, because I'm usually a very emotional person. I also tend to over-analyze things, so naturally, I am trying to figure out why it didn't really hit me.
Part of it, I think, is because the Holocaust is nothing new to me. I'm not Jewish, but it's not as if this is the first time I've been exposed to the Holocaust. I studied it some in college, I saw "Schindler's List" and "Lodz Ghetto" and "Life is Beautiful," I've been to Remembrance events, and except for the American responses to the situation, I didn't see much today that I hadn't seen before. Maybe someone from SmallTown USA who's never learned much about the Holocaust would be more affected. Perhaps I've just seen so much of it that I've already felt all the emotion I'm going to feel.
I think too that I was looking for more discussion of the impact on other groups, especially gays. Though the Jews certainly bore the brunt of the Nazis' extermination plans, others were murdered on a large scale as well, such as the gypsies. I only saw the gay victims mentioned twice: once in an exhibit of the different badges that prisoners wore (Jews had the yellow Star of David while gays had a pink triangle, just in case you didn't know where that came from) and once in a discussion about the camps that were liberated by the Allies at the end of the war (where I learned that many gays were left in prisons by the Allies). There were a few places where it would have been appropriate to discuss how gays were also singled out, yet it seemed to be downplayed.
And finally, maybe I wasn't hit too hard by this place because I've seen some of this kind of stuff first hand. I was in Bosnia in 1998, where "ethnic cleansing" had been taking place, and I saw the effects of that. I'll tell you what made me emotional: seeing hundreds of Bosnian schoolchildren walking home from school and realizing that the only reason they could walk home safely was because the NATO forces had intervened. Meeting people who have had their lives destroyed by a senseless war and ethnic hatred far outweighs the impact of a museum.
I saw today where Bush picked his Defense secretary. Well, finally. This guy was a SecDef before, for President Ford (in other words, over 25 years ago) and I don't know if he's prepared for the kind of international security situation he's going to face now. During Bush's campaign he went on and on about how the military's mission is just to fight wars, and he's going to review all the current deployments to see which ones can be cut back. I have a feeling ol' George is going to find it's not as simple as things were in Texas, and those deployments he isn't so fond of are going to have to keep on going like they're going. That's the price we pay if we want to be a superpower.
OK, I seem to have a national security policy focus tonight. From the Holocaust Museum to Bosnia to national security strategy. Maybe I should just finish by mentioning HOT GUYS so there's something here for everyone. =)
29 Dec 2000
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Wow.
Saw a really good Chinese film tonight, courtesy of River who has been talking about it for a couple weeks. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is pretty good, and I won't give any of it away, except to say that you'll be pretty impressed by some stuff, and you may have a little trouble keeping up with the intermingling stories if you don't pay attention.
A number of messages came out of this film, and I think the most important one was "be true to yourself." It's important to strike a balance in that area, I think. On the one hand, we all have to exist here together, so you need to be considerate of others' feelings and tolerant of their beliefs, helping others out when you can, so we can all get along and function as a society. On the other hand, there is only one person who can choose the direction your life will take, and that is YOU. Only you know your deepest desires, and your darkest fears. Only you can secure your own happiness; other people can add to it, but they can't make you be happy. If you spend your life following a road that someone else has forced you to travel, you'll not only be resentful, you'll miss out on the things that make life great.
So don't sit around bitching about if only or what might have been. If things aren't going the way you want them to in your life, fix them. If you aren't doing what you feel you should be doing, well, why not? Recognize that there are constraints within which you have to live, then do all you can to succeed within those constraints (and consider how you might remove some of those unnecessary constraints, too).
A good message. And one I need to think about more often. I tend to go for what I want, so I don't have too many regrets so far, but I will if I don't start taking more responsibility for my own feelings and letting other people worry about theirs.
Speaking of doing what you want to do, Tracy bought a new piano that was delivered today. As he put it, "I've been waiting 30 years for this." So he's been waiting since he was 1. Long time to wait for a piano. But I'm really glad he did it, as he's talked about wanting to do it ever since I've known him. Tracy, incidentally, is the one who bought the domain for my website as a Christmas present last year. I'm glad he finally did something nice for himself.
And Cory's leaving his flight attendant job to go to flight school. And Chantilly Michael is leaving community college to pursue a degree in dance. And Richmond Michael starts college next month. And Scott started his online business, AttivoUSA (and no, I didn't get paid for that product placement grin). I'm glad I've got friends who chase their dreams rather than being afraid to go after them.
30 Dec 2000
Dude, where's my Oscar?
Something tells me the guys in Dude, Where's My Car? won't have to worry about finding room in the trophy case for their Academy Award. Overall it was pretty dumb, as expected, though there were some points where I laughed very loud (and even one place where I snorted -- but I won't ruin the movie by telling you what; I'll let the movie ruin itself). Anyway, Arlington Michael called me today and wanted to go see a movie that his boyfriend wouldn't want to see. We narrowed it down to 3 things that Steve probably wouldn't go to, and since we were in the mood for "dumb," this seemed perfect. It was.
We dodged a bullet in DC today. We were supposed to get hit by the snowstorm that slammed into the Northeast. But the storm slid a little bit east, so it missed us entirely. I woke up at 4am for some reason and couldn't get back to sleep, so I came in to the computer and looked at the doppler radar on the Weather Channel's site. Cool. Especially at 4am. I also checked out the Washington Post online and saw that they had replaced their "ooh, we got hit by a bad snowstorm" story that was up at 11:30 last night with a "wow, that was close story." Looks like someone got a little ahead of himself on that first story. And I'm glad I didn't buy 200 pounds of canned food to get me through the storm.
That, however, does not change the fact that it is "bitch-ass" cold here. I'm not entirely sure what "bitch-ass" means, but I like saying it. Bitch ass.
I stumbled across a journal by a young guy in the Phillipines tonight. He was writing about the bombings and the impeachment of President Estrada over there. He was pretty upset yesterday when bombs were going off around Manila. Even with all the hassles we had with our most recent presidential election, at least we never had that. Let's all be thankful for the form our democracy has taken.
I need to head out and go to Velvet Nation. I am meeting my friend Kenneth there, and this is the first time I've gone dancing in almost 2 months (my 10-minute foray onto the dance floor at Monster in New York doesn't count!). Naturally, Kenneth called on his way out the door to a play to suggest that we only stay at Velvet for about an hour, then go to a party hosted by someone he knows. Translation: Kenneth decided he wants to go to this party to hang out with the guy he has the hots for, so I'm going to shell out 10 bucks for parking and 12 bucks for cover to stay at Velvet for an hour. We'll see.
So, do I dress "clubby" or do I dress "going to a party with people older than me whom I don't know"? I say "clubby" and screw them if they don't like it.
Where the hell's my glitter?
31 Dec 2000
One (Velvet) Nation, Under God(dess)
6am, more or less.
Oh my.
2000 certainly went out with a bang.
I just got in.
Well...
I got to Velvet a little before midnight and found Kenneth right away. And he was not a happy camper. He had decided to mix some alcohol that he shouldn't have, and he was a sick little puppy. He decided to leave right away and so caught a cab back home. Which of course left me on my own.
Well, it was my first time at Velvet in 2 months and I had meant to check the web site to see what was going on tonight. Apparently it was Hot Guys Hit On Bill night. There were lots and lots and LOTS of cute boys flirting with me, which truthfully doesn't happen that often. Perhaps I'm giving off the "I'm dating someone so I'm safe to flirt with" vibe. Whatever.
But what was startling was the way the three cutest boys in the club (well, the three cutest besides me HAHAHAHAHAHAHA sorry) seemed to be hitting on me big time. At the appropriate point, of course, I let them know I'm dating someone...but the appropriate point usually didn't come for a while. grin First there was Ramon, whose pants were falling off. And that was okay. We compared notes and realized we both were seeing someone who wasn't there tonight, so we were "safe flirts" for each other. Of course, when he invited me to stick my hand down his pants and touch his wee-wee while we were dancing, I gracefully declined. I mean, there are limits.
Then there was Franklin, who came dancing over toward me with his shirt off, gave me a smile, twirled around and planted his backside in my crotch. For about 15 minutes. That was okay, and he was a fun armful, and he didn't mean anything by it, he was just playing. And he gave me gum. Spearmint.
And lastly there came Marn. It was weird, there was a big group of Asian guys dancing together and I thought Marn was with the same group as Franklin. When he smiled and came my way I thought they're taking turns with me. But no, in fact there were two seperate groups of friends there, and Marn didn't know Franklin. He got the "I'm seeing someone info" when he said "I'm Filipino...that doesn't bother you, does it?" I was able to reply, "hey, so is my boyfriend." Anything to avoid awkwardness later.
Okay, you probably didn't need to hear all that, but what the hell, it was an ego boost for me. I'll write another non-Velvet entry later. After sleep.
Funny, once Kenneth left I didn't see anyone there I knew. And yet I had a fabulous time. At different points, everything would come together and feel right. Music, lights, cute guys, the overall energy of the place. I spent 3 1/2 hours on the dance floor before Marn and I took a break to get something to drink and chat where we could hear ourselves (that's another thing...my ears are going to be ringing for a week). My last memories of 2000 are going to be of a grotesquely oversized disco ball rising back up into the rafters.
I sure don't feel like I'm going to be 35 in 2 weeks.
Not a bad way to end the year.
31 Dec 2000
It was a very good year
Time for the last entry of 2000 (of course, this is the second entry today, the first being written at 6am).
Some of things that made 2000 so great were...
...kissing Arlington Michael at midnight (we were dating then)
...giving Tracy a smooch immediately afterwards
...introducing my website with my own domain
...watching the hosts of my birthday party disappear into their bedrooms with some of the guests
...rediscovering London and constantly being mistaken for a Brit or a Scot
...visiting Edinburgh for the first time
...getting promoted at work
...Richmond Michael and Chantilly Michael visiting with me over their Spring Break, and making me breakfast, and a cake (not at the same time!)
...watching Arlington Michael and Steven get together on Steve's 21st birthday
...passing my Qualifying Exam for school
...having a 7-hour phone conversation with Tom after we had run into each other online
...dinner at 2 Quail
...Kenneth bringing me a glass dolphin and a candle from his Asian trip
...going to Rehobeth Beach for Tracy's birthday
...having a "night" at Velvet Nation when, without any drug or alcohol influence, I think I captured the feelings my friends talk about when they do E
...the hugs I get from Richmond Michael
...feeling "no pressure over latte" when I met River
...Chantilly Michael selling me WAY too many clothes at the Gap (including my leather pants, which are GREAT!)
...visiting Tracy in San Francisco and having an amazing time -- what a great city
...meeting Mel at the "Don't Panic" store in San Francisco and talking with him for hours before catching my flight home
...running Chad's first East Coast art show
...searching around New Orleans' hotels for Peter's friend after hanging out all night with him at Southern Decadence
...the Summer Olympics
...buying my tickets to the 2002 Winter Olympics
...River's 36-hour visit home in the middle of his training in Dallas
...Sunday night TV with "the boys"
...going to see the mens and womens Olympic gymnastics teams
...taking two classes with a really great professor and writing a couple papers that might be worth publishing
...watching Naked Boys Singing off-Broadway
...discovering RIPS underwear and having a friend who sells it (thanks, Scott!)
...getting e-mails from guys saying that my website has been very helpful for them as they are coming out
...dancing under a grotesquely oversized disco ball at Velvet Nation
...starting this journal.
Big hugs to all the great people I met this year, including Joshua, Frasier, Chantilly Michael, Tom, River, Aldolfo, Mel, Peter, and Nick. And of course, my online friends Chris, Paul, and Scott.
And to ALL my friends...thank you
Peace
slo day
Clouds
Homework
Wall Street Journal
Drunken sociology e-mail from Canada
A web site at Iowa State
Studying for Tuesday's exam
E-mail from Kevin
Good coffee
The cable guy hooks up Showtime
An A drive that doesn't want to work right
Phone call from Tracy who's in San Francisco today
Getting a reply from DJ in New York
Michael getting the fixings for Chex Mix
Wearing a new shirt for the first time
Heading to a movie with River, and won't be home tonight =)
Yep, that's all she wrote
2 Dec 2000
TTTHHHPPPTTTT
So there.
A friend was wondering why I get stressed over final exams. Good question. I'm not sure. So let's see if I can figure it out.
School is very important to me right now In fact, let me go one further: because my employer is sending me back to school, it is, for the moment, my job. If I screw this up, I haven't just messed up an optional, part-time education; I've screwed up my profession. Because of a commitment made to my employer when I started school, I can't just quit if I fail in school, they would just reassign me to another job. And chances are, it would suck. A lot. While I doubt I'll fail, this still hangs over my head.
There's no guarantee I'm going to do well A lot of friends tell me I'm really smart. Maybe so. Maybe not. Even if I am, that doesn't mean I always perform well in school. I graduated from my master's program with a 3.97 GPA. I finished my undergraduate career with a 2.89. Which way is it going to be here? I'm taking no bets either way.
I set very high standards for myself Probably too high. On the one hand, perhaps I should back off a bit, but on the other, well, if I aim low I'll probably perform low. And I don't want to do that.
This semester, in particular, is important Starting in the spring, I'll begin the initial stages of my dissertation. I have to form a dissertation committee of 3 professors. The professor whom I want to chair my panel is currently teaching 2 of my classes. I want to perform well in his classes since I want to work with him for the next year and a half. This is my opportunity to make a strong first impression. I don't get another chance.
I have gotten almost no feedback this semester This is probably the biggest reason for my stress. As an undergrad you had assignments, midterms, and such throughout the semester. It's a little different in grad school. In one of my classes I've written 2 short papers, and done well, so I have a pretty good idea what's expected of me when I turn in this paper in 2 weeks. One of my seminars requires a short paper at the end of the semester; it's the only assignment, but it's just a pass/fail course. In my other two classes I have no grades so far. None. Zip. Zilch. So how do I know if I'm really understanding this material? How do I know how well I'm doing? Answer: I don't. So when I turn in these papers in 2 weeks, and take my two finals (each of which is based on 200-300 pages of reading per week), those will be the only things that determine my grade. Scary.
None of my friends are doing this As an undergrad, when finals rolled around, they affected everyone around me. Now, I don't hang out with people from school, I hang out with my "real world" friends. And THEY are going about their normal lives, plus doing Christmas shopping, planning parties, what have you. So I really don't have anyone that I feel like I can blow off steam to, 'cuz this just doesn't affect them.
Hmmm, that's quite a list. I'm more screwed up than I thought! (grin) Oh, well, it'll be over soon enough. Then, just one more semester of classes, followed by a year of working on my dissertation. And who knows what THAT will be like.
I'm starting to understand why fewer than half the people who start PhD programs actually finish.
And Tracy called to let me know he was in the Castro. Damn him.
3 Dec 2000
Queer as Who?
OK, so, Queer As Folk started tonight. YAY to ComCast for getting my Showtime account hooked up in time!
I never saw the British version, but I can say that I enjoy the US version pretty well so far. I already know which character I identify with (and I'm not telling!!!). It seems to show a pretty good portrayal of some aspects of gay life that, incidentally, are also aspects of many straight people's lives, too.
Does anyone else think this show seems a lot like Broken Hearts' Club? Was BHC written with QAF in mind?
They're expanding this well beyond the British version; it's scheduled to last for more episodes, and the producers would like to keep it going after that. We'll see. I kind of hope that gay teens don't look at this and get scared of gay life, or think that they have to act the way a certain character does because that's what gay people do. With luck, this series will spark a lot of good discussion.
And if nothing else, we get to see Justin's body. What a cutie!!!
River and I talked for a little bit after the show. We had some problems this weekend, and I was kind of hoping we could talk through them and get them behind us so neither of us would stress over them and I could keep my mind on studying (in which I'm very behind right now). Nothing too serious, just part of getting to know each other and learn about each other. We've known each other for 4 months now, and I wish we understood each other better. I want to know what's going on inside his head, and I want him to know what's happening in mine. He shies away from anything that seems too serious, though, which is a shame, because I want both of us to feel like we're getting what we need in our relationship. I don't know when we'll get to talk again, this week is NOT going to be a good one for me.
Does it seem to anyone else that The Simpsons aren't having one of their better seasons? Just wondering.
4 Dec 2000
Brain hurts
I am a mess.
I know I'm not going to make it to the gym this week. And I'm eating leftover Chinese for lunch, pizza for dinner, and River's gingerbread bears and sugar cookies for snacks. This is going to lead to a poochy belly which I don't need.
Hmm, maybe I'll get an Ab Roller for Christmas. =)
I've spent most of the day studying for Tuesday's exam, as well as working on all 3 of my big papers (the little one will have to wait until later in the week). They're going okay. I was getting nervous about finishing everything, but I sat down and looked over the next 10 days and realized it'll all get done. Just like it does every semester.
Chill out, Bill.
I have been freezing all day. The heat is working, I don't know why I'm so cold. Maybe I could make a fire by rubbing two Boy Scouts together.
The only time I left my building today was to step outside to get my paper. So why have I been wearing shoes all day? For that matter, why have I been wearing pants?
Oh yeah, right...the webcam.
I would love to write more but frankly, nothing much happened today. And my brain is numb. So I am going to bed early.
Nobody sends you a care package during Finals when you're a 34-year old grad student.
5 Dec 2000
One down
OK, I took my first exam tonight. And I think I did great. Not great as in "wow, I studied way too much," but "wow, I studied just enough." That's useful to know, since I have another exam in a course taught by the same professor. Which means I should prepare just like I did for this one. But I have 8 days until that one.
I got an e-mail from Dave, my UVA roommate, today. He's on a business trip but was reading my journal over the last few days and thought I sounded a bit tense. He wrote:
Now, get your ass to the gym and work off some of the stress and then get back to do whatever studying you need to do.
Dammit....don't think about it....just do it.
Then he called tonight to make sure I went. Which I did. I like long-distance support. It's almost as good as a hug.
The cute boys were out in full force at Giant tonight. I just popped in to get a few groceries, but I ended up walking down a few more aisles than I really needed to just to get a glance or two. hee hee
This boy needs to go dancing. Maybe Retro Night at Badlands, the week after exams. Kenneth will go with me, I'll bet. I went to Java Shack for the first time in a couple weeks and saw him tonight. Kenneth is in a play that opens in a month. I can't wait to see it! My favorite Vietnamese gayboy doing Shakespeare...sort of.
Talking with River today I realized I could e-mail my folks a "wishlist" from a couple stores rather than subtly suggesting a gift certificate. Who would've thought my mom would ever be ordering stuff online? Speaking of stores, River is working part time at one of the malls. He wasn't planning to, but they begged him to come back temporarily. Hmmm, a clothing store short on help at Christmas? Who would've guessed?!
6 Dec 2000
Blah blah blah
I wish I could say I did something exciting today.
I mean, I could say that.
But I didn't.
Do anything exciting, that is.
So I could say I did.
And you'd believe me.
But I'd know better.
And that would be bad.
Ummmmmm...
...what was the question again?
wicky wicky wick
7 Dec 2000
The beat goes on
Okay, school report:
Today I turned in one of my papers (just a short one, not one of the biggies that I've got on my plate) and gave a presentation in my American Government class that was FABULOUS, thank you very much.
I also got a lot of information for my Canadian paper, which is good, cuz I have been most nervous about that one. But I'm fine now.
Friday is going to be a balls-to-the-wall work day, and I think I can pretty much wrap up one paper and have a pretty decent draft of each of the other two by the end of the day. Then I can spend the bulk of the weekend focusing on my exam next Wednesday and my class presentation next Tuesday.
As if anyone but me cares. =)
I should mention Tracy here because he'll smile when he sees it. And thanks to him for the great e-card! (hee hee hee, forking is almost as much fun as spooning)
I've found myself tuning in to this other guy's webcam a lot. I'm jealous; he has 3 cameras (living room, home office, work) and I only have 1. Something just ain't right about that.
Apparently, my ISP e-mail system hasn't been working well lately, which includes my "Billswebsite.com" address. Makes me wonder how many messages I've missed. I sent some test messages and only about half got through. Not a good sign. Anyone trying to e-mail me should probably send mail to UVAgrad@hotmail.com for now.
One of my former students from Colorado wrote me tonight. Apparently he was checking out my Friends Pages on my website and thought one of my friends was pretty hot (to the point that I think he's going to have some good dreams tonight!). That's actually kind of surreal, having one of my students talking to me about one of my Virginia friends. Though not nearly as strange as the year I was at Southern Decadence in New Orleans, stepped out of a bar called Lafites, and ran into one of my students. Hi there!!
And with that, it's back to work for a bit, then off to bed.
8 Dec 2000
My eyes are falling out
hubba hubba hubba
Other than a break for the gym, and fixing a couple of meals, I've pretty much been in front of this computer for the past 14 hours. And I think I've had enough for one day.
But I definitely got a lot done today. It's amazing how smoothly these big projects go when you don't have to worry about your weekly assignments for class anymore.
And I've put all non-school projects on hold for the next week. That helps, too. No writing books. No preparing articles for publication. No cleaning the bathroom. (well, maybe cleaning the bathroom)
My website e-mail is still down. That does not make me a happy boy. I've put links to a new e-mail address on my website and on this page (not that they get used much lately, except by a few people, thanks Krissy! hint hint, everyone else). Tech support is not being all that helpful. Anybody know a more reliable DSL provider in the DC area besides Verizon?
Tracy is a mite upset because he has to go back to San Francisco for a couple days next week for work. I understand why he's upset, because it's last-minute AND he was just there. But I wouldn't mind a trip to SanFran right about now.
I suppose I should do some Christmas shopping soon. Or else it's going to be school sweatshirts for everyone.
Since nothing really happened today, and all my deep thoughts are used up, I think I'll just close now with this quote:
Well, in the Wild Wild West
Me and Artemis Clyde Frog
Gonna save Selma Hayek
From the big bad spider
Uh, wicky wicky wick
- E. Cartman
9 Dec 2000
Wasted day, fun (I hope!) night
"Wasted" in the sense that I spent the whole day in front of the computer, except for a little early morning trip to Starbucks, "The McDonald's of Coffee." I would call them the "The White Castle of Coffee," but White Castle has more style.
But when I need a 10-minute stroll in the chill air to help me awaken, Starbucks is convenient. And the service there is better this year. An XandO moved in across the street this fall, but the staff there is rude and clueless, to a degree previously seen only in Verizon Online Tech Support personnel. Some of the Starbucks coffees aren't too bad, but I usually prefer to just buy the beans and brew it here myself.
But like I say, sometimes I just need to get out in the morning. 'Cuz lately it seems that might be the only time I get out all day.
River's coming over in about 45 minutes, then we're off to see "Best in Show," which everyone in the free world but us has already seen. The plan is for him to stay over tonight, and I hope he does. Since I have to get up early to study tomorrow, at least I can wake up with another warm body there (instead of the cold dead one that was there this morning...but I digress).
I just remembered, I did make it out one other time today. I ran over to CVS pick up some photos I'd dropped off. The pix weren't there, and the lady asked, "when did you drop them off?" I drew a blank. A total blank. I couldn't even remember being in the store. It turns out I was there...yesterday. 24 hours earlier. So,
1) the pix aren't going to be ready yet, which I should have realized, and,
2) Alzheimer's is setting in a mite early for Billy Boy.
Andy asked me to run upstairs for a quick fashion check before he headed out to three, count 'em ,three Christmas parties tonight. One straight, one mixed, one gay. Would you believe one outfit can cover all those? Well, apparently it can. =)
It was a year ago tonight that I met my friend Steve on the dance floor at Velvet Nation. I was the first guy he ever kissed. Wonder if he remembers that?
I just learned yesterday that Richmond Michael moved into a new apartment on his own, no roommate or anything. I knew he was looking into a place, didn't realize he'd taken it. I then learned today that he apparently went shopping at Ikea without me. Bad Michael. No biscuit.
Time for a shower before River gets here. No fair getting a mental picture of that. (grin)
10 Dec 2000
Thank you!
I would very much like to say "thank you" to the guy who sent me the following e-mail tonight:
I have to say thank you. your site made so much sense to me, especially the queer youth pages. well I'm an 18 year old from California, who is having a hard time excepting what I am.
It really means a lot to me to know that at least one person has found something useful on my web site. I won't embarrass him by giving out any other details about him, but it made me very happy that he wrote me. And I have to say that I'm very impressed by all the 18 year olds, and the people still in their early teens, who are realizing who they are and are working through all the stress of coming out. I was 26 before I was strong enough to quit denying what I'd always known. I think it's very cool indeed that so many people are sparing themselves the years of frustration and uncertainty that I put up with. I hope that any young people who are questioning their sexuality will take the time, relax, and think it through before doing anything rash (for a definition of "rash," see Justin on Showtime's Queer As Folk heh heh heh). Whether or not your parents are supportive, whether or not your friends stick by you, you are who you are, and you should love yourself for who you are even when you're afraid others might not. And if you feel like you're having serious problems, reach out and don't be afraid to ask for help. There are lots and lots and LOTS of people who have gone through what you're going through, and you are NOT alone!
I was going to write all about the very nice weekend River and I had, or how glad I am that my final papers are coming along so nicely, but you know, I think I'm just going to take the nice warm glow I got from that e-mail and take it with me to bed now.
11 Dec 2000
All-nighter? Hahaha NO!
I've decided to stay up and finish a draft of my big Culture paper. I don't have to have it in until the end of the week, but I want to have it finished as on as I can. I'm supopsed to present my research findings in class Tuesday night, so I better have a pretty good idea what the paper says. And that means it needs to be written. More or less.
I can't wait 'til New York.
River and I kicked around a bit this weekend, though I had to work a lot so we didn't get that much time together. But we DID get to see "Best In Show," which has been out for quite a while but still gets a packed theater when it shows (and it's even on 2 screens at the theater we went to). VERY funny movie, I laughed so hard I was almost crying, even the rednecks sitting next to us enjoyed it (probably because they could identify with at least one of the characters). I recommend it highly. 'Nuff said.
Then we went out for dinner and I had sushi. Yummmmmmmm.
What is it with everybody coming out this month? In the last couple of days I've talked with guys in England, Austrailia, and California who are just coming out. Is it the holidays? El Nino? Whatever it is, they seem to be dealing with things a bit better than I did.
Hugs to Fabian, a smashingly wonderful student in England, who explained the British Voting System to me today. I have a feeling I'm going to be asked about parlimentary systems on my comparative policy exam Wednesday. Now I'm sure to ace it! (well, that question, anyway -- I need to finish working on papers and get back to studying for that little test). Cheers, Fabian!
I saw on the 2002 Olympics Website that they've announced the route the Olympic Torch is going to travel through the US on its way to Salt Lake City. It'll come through DC next December. In February they'll announce the selection criteria for torchbearers. I am determined to carry it. That would be just about the coolest thing that has ever happened to me.
And with that, I better get back to work.
13 Dec 2000
Getting there
Well, it seems like everybody's making some progress.
For instance, the Supreme Court issued a ruling tonight that will probably mark the end of the presidential election in favor of Bush. While I'm not happy with the outcome, I take comfort in the probability that he will be a one-term president (I think either one of them would have been, even without the election problems). Time now to start looking for a Democratic contender in 2004. Anyone know if Bob Kerry's busy?
And I am making progress too, albeit not as dramatically as Bush and Gore (I don't intend to have the Supreme Court rule on any of my grades). I turned in another paper today. YAY. And I gave a presentation tonight that KICKED ASS. yay again.
I felt a little bad for a couple of the other guys who presented tonight. The professor asked each of them, "what does this paper have to do with this course?" Ooooh, that's gotta hurt! When I, on the other hand, was discussing MY paper, he kept nodding and smiling and commenting on how appropriate all my research was. YAY ME. Hmmmm, maybe the fact that he liked my stuff and thought these other guys were way off base means I'm actually getting this. Now, normally I'm not one to take comfort in other peoples problems. But I'll make an exception in this case.
I also got my final exam back for that class. Got an A!!!!!! Who knows, I could actually pull an A in that class, which would be a very good thing indeed.
So, here's the current score:
Papers turned in: 2
Papers still to be turned in: 2 (due Thursday and Friday)
Finals taken: 1
Finals still to take: 1 (Wednesday)
Presentations given: 2
Presentations still to give: ZERO, BABY!!!!!!!!!!
Martinis I've had in the past 10 days: 0
Martinis I'm going to have after finishing up: quite a few
My e-mail is up, then down, then up, now down again. It seems my ISP got "spam attacked" last week and they're still cleaning up. I need to set up my e-mail differently so I'm not relying on the fine folks at Verizon Online.
Sad day Monday: George Welsh, football coach at Virginia, retired after 19 years. I got to UVA during George's third season, when he was just starting to turn the program around, and the year he took us to our very first Bowl game (1984 Peach Bowl, where I fell in love with Atlanta). We were even ranked #1 for a few weeks in '94, and in '95 we became the only ACC team to beat Florida State (a heart attack of a game). It's kinda sad because George Welsh is one of the things about the University that was still the same from my time, so that's one more tradition gone, one more sign that I'm getting older and the world is moving on.
Hmmm. Guess it's time to dye my hair a weird color and feel better.
13 Dec 2000
My hand hurts
My right hand totally cramped up tonight, and no, not from doing that. I had a 2 hour and 40 minute exam tonight, and I took about 2 hours and 35 minutes of that.
And I nailed it. Absolutely NAILED it!!!
It's always a good feeling to get a test, look at the questions, and think, "wow, I guess I studied the right things after all." Of course, it helps when you focus on the books written by the professors.
The nice thing was, I got the feeling that I really know this stuff, not just memorizing and spitting it back out onto the page, but really and truly understand it. And that's a pretty good feeling. I remember that when I was teaching I tried to make each exam a learning tool as much as an evaluation. Apparently these guys have the same philosophy, because tonight's exam really brought some things into focus.
All that's left are two papers. One is done, I just want to review it again in the morning, then turn it in. The other needs to be finished, and I will do that tomorrow and hopefully turn it in tomorrow afternoon. Then I can go to a concert with Tracy with a happy heart. And leave my mind free to check out cute boys. :P
I got a call this morning from my friend Fritz in Alabama. He got a call this morning asking him to fly up and give a presentation at the Pentagon. Like, right away. So Fritz was leaving in 2 hours and wanted to meet up for dinner tonight. Dammit dammit dammit. There was no way I could get together. That totally bites, because I haven't seen Fritz since this summer. We've been good friends for 3 years, he knows all there is to know about me (well, not EVERYTHING, but he knows I'm gay), he's very smart, funny as hell, and I'm really sorry I couldn't see him. But I have learned that when deadlines are hitting, I can't go messing around. Strange that it took me 34 years to learn that. But there you have it.
My hand still hurts. So I'm going to stop typing now.
14 Dec 2000
I'm done...sort of
Finals are pretty much over. Yay.
I mean, YAY!!!!!
This morning I finished up a paper that was due today and got in turned in. Only one left to go at that point, and I had 4 hours to finish it if I wanted to go to a Christmas party on campus.
hahahahahahahahha...no
I worked on it until about 6 tonight, and in the process I think I made it a lot better. I've printed it out, and am going to review it one more time Friday morning before turning it in. I get this sick "point of no return" feeling when I drop off something like that, but it's soon replaced by a "holy shit it's done!" kinda feeling.
So no martinis until Friday. Though I did have a hamburger tonight.
Tracy had gotten tickets to see Jim Brickman at Constitution Hall tonight. What a wonderful piano player!!! I wasn't familiar with him before, but I definitely need to have some of his VERY romantic music around the house. I am so happy that Tracy introduced me to this music. And one of the singers traveling with him is Donny Osmond. And he was actually really good, without that insincerely sugary-sweet sister Marie of his. It was wild, at one point he started singing "Puppy Love" to these two women, and I had a sudden flashback to 1974. Very strange.
Most people reading this have no idea who I'm talking about. Of course, they've never heard of Shaun Cassidy or Bobby Sherman, either.
Ah, the 70s.
I am exhausted tonight, post-exams letdown is setting in, so I'm going to sleep so I can be awake tomorrow night in NEW YORK CITY!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
15 Dec 2000
I'm...done
Exams are over.
Not with a bang, but a whimper.
That was me whimpering.
Got my last paper in today, made a couple changes and I think it's really, really good.
So, yay, I'm done for another semester.
Now we're getting ready to head to new York for the weekend. Back Sunday night.
Better call Amtrak and tell them to load up the bar car.
Laterz.
17 Dec 2000
Mobsters and Monster and Judy On Tap
We're back from New Yaaahk. And a good time was had by all (well, by me and River anyway).
The trip started Friday with the 3 1/2 hour train ride from DC, where we were sitting next to three women who sounded like an episode of Sex And The City (and a bad episode at that). But we got to New York, got a cab, and got to our hotel with no problem.
Except they didn't have a room for us. Problem.
But, "no problem," said the lady at the desk, "we'll just have you go to one of our other hotels a block down the street. We just ran out of rooms."
See, now, that was my mistake. I assumed that, because I'd reserved a room, there was a room waiting for us. Of course not! A reservation is just their way of saying, "we realize you might come here, and if you do, THEN we'll figure it out."
But in reality, the hotel we went to was nicer (The Ameritania...I recommend it). It was right around the corner from the theater where they film David Letterman, and unlike every other room I've ever stayed in when in New York, this one was actually MUCH bigger than a closet.
Out to dinner Friday night for Chinese at Ollie's, on 44th Street. Then we headed to a piano bar, thanks to Mikey who suggested where to go. We tried to get into Don't Tell Mama on 46th Street, but it was too packed. We ended up across the street at Danny's which was fun. I had a drunken Mafia guy slapping me on the back, and at one point we were entertained by the startling tap dancing of one Judy Gallagher ("Judy On Tap") who had earlier demonstrated that she couldn't sing, either.
Up Saturday, kicked around town, but it was raining, boo. Visited Rockefeller Center, which looked very Christmas-y. Ended up down in the Village, then back to Midtown to change for dinner. We were meeting a friend of River's for some good Italian food a couple blocks from Stonewall, then we went to see Naked Boys Singing! a very fun little musical revue at the Actors' Playhouse. Lots of fun numbers, and yes, the 8 boys in the cast are all naked, but really after a few minutes you don't even notice anymore (yeah, right!). The guys were really good, and some of them really stood out. Eric Potter had a very expressive face and beautiful eyes (the guy's naked and I focus on his eyes) and Luis Villabon had a very friendly demeanor that was very engaging. Small World Department: I was chatting with Luis afterwards, and it turns out I saw him in the national touring company of A Chorus Line with my friend Allen in Denver in the spring of 1997. Whaddya know? Then we met up with River's friends, headed to Cafe Rafael for dessert, then over to Monster for a few hours of drinking, dancing, and general guy-watching. I'll admit, Monster wasn't exactly my kind of club, but we had a very good time.
Sunday we got up and fortunately had taken showers before the hotel's water went out. Oops. It was raining on and off, so we got breakfast, did some souvenier shopping, then headed to the Museum of Modern Art, which I had wanted to see, and which I figured River (having a BFA as he does) might want to visit. OK, so, it wasn't exactly his kind of art, but I found it interesting (and some of it pretty disturbing, too).
And then the train ride home. Standing room only, but we were lucky on got on early enough to get seats (Thank you, babe, for grabbing them!)
And now home. And so tired. So very very tired. And I have to get up and study for finals.
Oh, wait a sec. No I don't. I'm DONE with finals. WOO HOO!!!!
19 Dec 2000
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
Well, let it snow a little, anyway.
Monday I was a vegetable. There were things I should have done, Christmas shopping, mailing packages and cards, and so forth. But I guess I needed a day to just chill and come down off of my post-final-exam-and-New-York-trip high. I kicked around the house most of the day, then went down to Java Shack for coffee, then came home and worked on my website (I wanted to make my Friends Page easier to navigate) then waited for my friend Nick. He was stopping by after a rehearsal, and since he's going home for Christmas on Wednesday, I wanted to hang out with him a bit before he left. He got here at 10:30, we ordered pizza, and as seems to be the norm, we never got around to throwing a movie into the VCR. We just talked. For 6 hours. If you're doing the math, that means "until 4:30am." Mucho fun. And Bill was mucho tired this morning.
Incidentally, Nick was intrigued by my webcam. So much so that he mooned it. So anyone tuning in at about 1:46am Eastern time saw Nick's naked ass. But forget it, guys, he's straight. Women, on the other hand, should send applications. =)
As he was looking at my website he said, "wow, that friend of yours looks like a flight attendant I had on a trip last spring." The friend he was pointing to is Tim who, not surprisingly, is a flight attendant. The way Nick described him (he does a really good impression) convinced me it was indeed Tim he had met.
But I got up a little late Tuesday, then headed into town for lunch with Tracy (who has gotten all kinds of new furniture since the last time I was there -- what a great looking place!). We had a good time, then I was off to the Air and Space Museum and Natural History Museum for a little Christmas shopping.
Is there anything cooler than Christmas shopping at the Smithsonian Institution? Well, probably, but I don't know what.
It started snowing today, and it was COLD. Like, "stay inside and build a fire even though I don't have a fireplace" cold. And the snow was wet. And icky.
I drove out to see River at work tonight. He's doing some part-time hours at Eddie Bauer, and they were open until 11 tonight. I needed a sweater for my dad, so River helped me pick it out. Dad would be so happy to know my boyfriend helped me pick out his Christmas gift. note: subtle sarcasm
And now, my tired ass is going to bed.
Nighty Night
20 Dec 2000
Is the thrill gone?
I was noticing something in New York this weekend. The city has lost some of its glamour that it had when I was a kid.
When I was growing up, New York was this magical place that you always heard about, but didn't actually know anyone who had visited. It was the city you saw in the movies, on TV, and every Thanksgiving morning during the Macy's parade. It was a city of fancy stores, Broadway shows, and lots of rich people. I never even visited the city until I was 30, and when I did, I was thrilled to be there.
But the magic has worn off. I felt it when River and I were walking down 5th Avenue, or taking a cab to the Village.
Is it me? Is it the fact that I've traveled around the US and realized that big cities like LA, SF, and NYC have their differences, but in the end are just big conglomerations of people with the same food, same shows, same museums? Does it come from living in DC, where so much of the important stuff in the world happens that I've become nonplussed about the proximity to power? Maybe the fact that I've experienced cities like London and Rome that have so much more history behind them?
Or did NYC change? There are a Macy's and a Saks only 10 minutes away from me. We had them in Atlanta, too, and in Denver. Same with FAO Schwartz. These things that you used to only find on 5th Avenue are now in every major city in the US. You don't have to go there to shop, to see big musicals, to run into celebrities. These things are everywhere; is there nothing unique about New York anymore?
As we were going around town I pointed out some things to River, who'd never been there. Things that had always been part of the mythology of New York, like Sardi's restaurant and SoHo. And he hadn't heard of them. Is the legend of New York really dead?
And do I really feel an urge to visit again? Why leave DC in order to do the same kind of stuff in New York?
Except for watching a Robert DeNiro sound-alike telling a waiter "You got a fuckin' attitude, I'll put you right t'rough da fuckin' wall." That part was cool. And uniquely New York.
21 Dec 2000
A Festivus For The Rest Of Us
Tonight was the third annual Festivus Dinner, arranged as always by Scott. 10 of us met up at a little Italian place near here, and from all the camera flashes going off, the other customers must have thought someone famous was eating there. It was lots of fun, a good group, and the highlight was probably when Marc set himself on fire. Yes, a very good group. Scott gave me some fun underwear for my Festivus gift (the gift that many people can enjoy!). Scott has an online underwear shop called AttivoUSA that everyone should visit. (shameless product placement alert) And I also got to talk to ANOTHER Scott, whom I'd met before but hadn't gotten to talk to. he's just as fun as I'd expected him to be, and I'm sorry his partner couldn't come tonight, because he's very nice as well.
For those who are unaware, Festivus is a holiday that was featured on "Seinfeld." George's dad was fed up with the commercialization of Christmas, so when George was a little boy his dad created a new holiday. Each year at the Festivus dinner there's the "Airing of the Grievances," followed by the "Feats of Strength." We elected to forego those portions of the tradition tonight.
I went by Chantilly Michael's Gap store today to take him a Christmas card, and he told me some really great news: he's been accepted to Pointe Park College in Pittsburgh with a dance scholarship! He's gonna do it, he 's gonna be a dancer!!! He was planning to start next fall, but they want him to start in January so he can be in their spring show. Fantastic!!!
Andy and I exchanged gifts tonight. I also had lunch with Steven today, and we exchanged gifts. There has been a theme to my gift-giving so far this year: sharing things I'd like to talk about with my friends. There are different books, films, and music which mean something to me and which make me think of certain friends as I read, watch, or listen to them. In order to talk about these things with my friends, they have to have experienced them too, so this year has been about giving things to friends that I want to be able to share with them later. Kind of like my present for River, the tickets to the gymnastics exhibition earlier this month. I want these gifts to lead to more interaction in the future.
One gift that I hit upon today is for my grandmother. She doesn't really need any more "things" around her house, and I wanted to get her something cool. So, here's the thing: you see, we lost my grandfather this summer, and everyone misses him. Well, in Salt Lake City they're building a plaza for the 2002 Olympics (for which I have tickets YAY!) and for a donation they will engrave a message onto one of the bricks for you and place it in the plaza. So, I'm getting an Olympic Brick in honor of my grandfather. And the cool thing is, when I go to the Games, they'll have a locator system so you can find your brick, and I can take a photo of it for my grandmother. The plaza will be around forever, so I think that'll be kind of a neat little memorial for him.
River had to work tonight. I don't think I'd want to work retail during Christmas. He's a tough guy, I'll say that. The mall is open until 11 all week, and he generally has to stay until 12 or later. No thanks!
It's supposed to snow again tonight. But it won't stick. So no snow angels for me tomorrow.
23 Dec 2000
Have a great holiday!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!!!!
I'm off to visit my folks over the weekend, so I probably won't be updating this until Tuesday or so. Have a wonderful holiday!!!!!
27 Dec 2000
We now return to our regular broadcast
Christmas is over and it's bitch-ass cold. That about sums it up.
And now, the long version...
It was a very enjoyable holiday weekend. River and I celebrated Friday night. He took me out to a very nice Italian place down in Dupont Circle. The food was excellent, it was a very nice atmosphere (23% oxygen, 75% nitrogen, 2% other) and it was only about 50 yards from the Metro station, which was very important.
Then it was back here to open presents. At the end of November I had taken him to see the US Gymnastics Team tour and gotten him a program autographed by Paul Hamm (and had to fight some very intense 14-year old girls to get that). So that was Present #1. I also got him a CIA coffee mug (as he has told me he finds those folks very interesting -- little does he know the coffee mug has a listening device built in!) and a video of the gymnastics highlights from the Sydney Olympics (which, naturally, is on backorder and didn't make it in time, so I printed out a picture of the cover of the tape and gave him that for now). He gave me some very cool clothes, including a long-sleeve black button down stretch shirt from Banana Republic, as well as another great Banana shirt that is going to look fabulous with my leather pants! He also gave me a shirt from Eddie Bauer that he also has, with this cute little zip-up pocket in the sleeve that can hold all sorts of naughty things in foil wrappers. (grin)
We had a fun time, but he wasn't feeling well, so he went home around 10:30. I went to bed fairly soon thereafter as I was getting up Saturday to drive to my folks' place, about 4 hours from here. It was their 39th anniversary, so we went out to dinner at a very cool place that they only go to for special occasions. Sunday I visited a bunch of relatives, then on Monday we had Christmas (as did the rest of the world, I guess). My mom gave my dad a telescope, a big model with all the bells and whistles, such as computer for tracking individual stars. It's also good for spying on the neighbors, and when you live in the country as they do, you need a powerful telescope if you're going to peer into windows that may be a mile away. Some more relatives came over, and I also called River and Tom. Mom made a huge dinner and I ate WAYYYYYYYY too much this weekend (she makes the greatest cookies) and now I feel fat.
I gave cool presents because I am a great son. Yep, that's me!!
It's a little weird being at my parents' place, because I'm not out to them. You'd think they'd figure it out, and honestly, I think they have, but it's not something we'll ever be able to talk about. They are just too set in their ways, and I am too concerned about keeping everyone around me happy (one of my good traits which is also one of my faults) that I won't force them to deal with it. We'll just keep up the charade, so long as I don't visit for more than three days at a time!
On the way home Tuesday I went through Charlottesville to visit The University. Even without the students there is something magical about the place, which I felt as I walked along the Lawn. Then I bought a sweatshirt, which was magical too.
Got home Tuesday evening, planned to go surprise River at the store, but it was COLD and I didn't feel good and so I went upstairs and hung out with Andy for a bit (he left today for a week in Key West, where it's approximately 50 degrees warmer than it is here).
Today I'm off to get a haircut, since I look ugly at the moment, then I'm headed to the gym and maybe grocery shopping. Ah, the exciting life of a grad student on break.
My website is a year old. I update it pretty regularly, so check it out and let me know what you think!!!
28 Dec 2000
Never again
Well, I finally did something today that I've been meaning to do ever since moving here: I went to the US Holocaust Memorial Museum. Everyone has told me how good it is, how emotional it is, and I've been wanting to see it for myself. I think it's important to try to understand how something like that could have happened so we can prevent it from happening again. (and if you don't think it can happen again, I invite you to examine Rwanda in 1996. 'Nuff said.)
I found it very interesting...they've collected a LOT of materials from the concentration camps and from Germany and the other European countries, especially photographs, clothing, and first-person accounts. I learned a lot about the bureaucratic process that led to the harassment, the arrests, the pograms, the deportations to the ghettos, and finally, to the "Final Solution." It's amazing and sickening to see how a government can take actions like that.
At the same time, I found that I wasn't all that emotionally affected by the experience. I was shocked by some of the photos, and I was appalled by some of the things the US government did (or didn't do), but it's not like I felt depressed by the end, as so many folks have told me they have. Now, that's odd, because I'm usually a very emotional person. I also tend to over-analyze things, so naturally, I am trying to figure out why it didn't really hit me.
Part of it, I think, is because the Holocaust is nothing new to me. I'm not Jewish, but it's not as if this is the first time I've been exposed to the Holocaust. I studied it some in college, I saw "Schindler's List" and "Lodz Ghetto" and "Life is Beautiful," I've been to Remembrance events, and except for the American responses to the situation, I didn't see much today that I hadn't seen before. Maybe someone from SmallTown USA who's never learned much about the Holocaust would be more affected. Perhaps I've just seen so much of it that I've already felt all the emotion I'm going to feel.
I think too that I was looking for more discussion of the impact on other groups, especially gays. Though the Jews certainly bore the brunt of the Nazis' extermination plans, others were murdered on a large scale as well, such as the gypsies. I only saw the gay victims mentioned twice: once in an exhibit of the different badges that prisoners wore (Jews had the yellow Star of David while gays had a pink triangle, just in case you didn't know where that came from) and once in a discussion about the camps that were liberated by the Allies at the end of the war (where I learned that many gays were left in prisons by the Allies). There were a few places where it would have been appropriate to discuss how gays were also singled out, yet it seemed to be downplayed.
And finally, maybe I wasn't hit too hard by this place because I've seen some of this kind of stuff first hand. I was in Bosnia in 1998, where "ethnic cleansing" had been taking place, and I saw the effects of that. I'll tell you what made me emotional: seeing hundreds of Bosnian schoolchildren walking home from school and realizing that the only reason they could walk home safely was because the NATO forces had intervened. Meeting people who have had their lives destroyed by a senseless war and ethnic hatred far outweighs the impact of a museum.
I saw today where Bush picked his Defense secretary. Well, finally. This guy was a SecDef before, for President Ford (in other words, over 25 years ago) and I don't know if he's prepared for the kind of international security situation he's going to face now. During Bush's campaign he went on and on about how the military's mission is just to fight wars, and he's going to review all the current deployments to see which ones can be cut back. I have a feeling ol' George is going to find it's not as simple as things were in Texas, and those deployments he isn't so fond of are going to have to keep on going like they're going. That's the price we pay if we want to be a superpower.
OK, I seem to have a national security policy focus tonight. From the Holocaust Museum to Bosnia to national security strategy. Maybe I should just finish by mentioning HOT GUYS so there's something here for everyone. =)
29 Dec 2000
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Wow.
Saw a really good Chinese film tonight, courtesy of River who has been talking about it for a couple weeks. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is pretty good, and I won't give any of it away, except to say that you'll be pretty impressed by some stuff, and you may have a little trouble keeping up with the intermingling stories if you don't pay attention.
A number of messages came out of this film, and I think the most important one was "be true to yourself." It's important to strike a balance in that area, I think. On the one hand, we all have to exist here together, so you need to be considerate of others' feelings and tolerant of their beliefs, helping others out when you can, so we can all get along and function as a society. On the other hand, there is only one person who can choose the direction your life will take, and that is YOU. Only you know your deepest desires, and your darkest fears. Only you can secure your own happiness; other people can add to it, but they can't make you be happy. If you spend your life following a road that someone else has forced you to travel, you'll not only be resentful, you'll miss out on the things that make life great.
So don't sit around bitching about if only or what might have been. If things aren't going the way you want them to in your life, fix them. If you aren't doing what you feel you should be doing, well, why not? Recognize that there are constraints within which you have to live, then do all you can to succeed within those constraints (and consider how you might remove some of those unnecessary constraints, too).
A good message. And one I need to think about more often. I tend to go for what I want, so I don't have too many regrets so far, but I will if I don't start taking more responsibility for my own feelings and letting other people worry about theirs.
Speaking of doing what you want to do, Tracy bought a new piano that was delivered today. As he put it, "I've been waiting 30 years for this." So he's been waiting since he was 1. Long time to wait for a piano. But I'm really glad he did it, as he's talked about wanting to do it ever since I've known him. Tracy, incidentally, is the one who bought the domain for my website as a Christmas present last year. I'm glad he finally did something nice for himself.
And Cory's leaving his flight attendant job to go to flight school. And Chantilly Michael is leaving community college to pursue a degree in dance. And Richmond Michael starts college next month. And Scott started his online business, AttivoUSA (and no, I didn't get paid for that product placement grin). I'm glad I've got friends who chase their dreams rather than being afraid to go after them.
30 Dec 2000
Dude, where's my Oscar?
Something tells me the guys in Dude, Where's My Car? won't have to worry about finding room in the trophy case for their Academy Award. Overall it was pretty dumb, as expected, though there were some points where I laughed very loud (and even one place where I snorted -- but I won't ruin the movie by telling you what; I'll let the movie ruin itself). Anyway, Arlington Michael called me today and wanted to go see a movie that his boyfriend wouldn't want to see. We narrowed it down to 3 things that Steve probably wouldn't go to, and since we were in the mood for "dumb," this seemed perfect. It was.
We dodged a bullet in DC today. We were supposed to get hit by the snowstorm that slammed into the Northeast. But the storm slid a little bit east, so it missed us entirely. I woke up at 4am for some reason and couldn't get back to sleep, so I came in to the computer and looked at the doppler radar on the Weather Channel's site. Cool. Especially at 4am. I also checked out the Washington Post online and saw that they had replaced their "ooh, we got hit by a bad snowstorm" story that was up at 11:30 last night with a "wow, that was close story." Looks like someone got a little ahead of himself on that first story. And I'm glad I didn't buy 200 pounds of canned food to get me through the storm.
That, however, does not change the fact that it is "bitch-ass" cold here. I'm not entirely sure what "bitch-ass" means, but I like saying it. Bitch ass.
I stumbled across a journal by a young guy in the Phillipines tonight. He was writing about the bombings and the impeachment of President Estrada over there. He was pretty upset yesterday when bombs were going off around Manila. Even with all the hassles we had with our most recent presidential election, at least we never had that. Let's all be thankful for the form our democracy has taken.
I need to head out and go to Velvet Nation. I am meeting my friend Kenneth there, and this is the first time I've gone dancing in almost 2 months (my 10-minute foray onto the dance floor at Monster in New York doesn't count!). Naturally, Kenneth called on his way out the door to a play to suggest that we only stay at Velvet for about an hour, then go to a party hosted by someone he knows. Translation: Kenneth decided he wants to go to this party to hang out with the guy he has the hots for, so I'm going to shell out 10 bucks for parking and 12 bucks for cover to stay at Velvet for an hour. We'll see.
So, do I dress "clubby" or do I dress "going to a party with people older than me whom I don't know"? I say "clubby" and screw them if they don't like it.
Where the hell's my glitter?
31 Dec 2000
One (Velvet) Nation, Under God(dess)
6am, more or less.
Oh my.
2000 certainly went out with a bang.
I just got in.
Well...
I got to Velvet a little before midnight and found Kenneth right away. And he was not a happy camper. He had decided to mix some alcohol that he shouldn't have, and he was a sick little puppy. He decided to leave right away and so caught a cab back home. Which of course left me on my own.
Well, it was my first time at Velvet in 2 months and I had meant to check the web site to see what was going on tonight. Apparently it was Hot Guys Hit On Bill night. There were lots and lots and LOTS of cute boys flirting with me, which truthfully doesn't happen that often. Perhaps I'm giving off the "I'm dating someone so I'm safe to flirt with" vibe. Whatever.
But what was startling was the way the three cutest boys in the club (well, the three cutest besides me HAHAHAHAHAHAHA sorry) seemed to be hitting on me big time. At the appropriate point, of course, I let them know I'm dating someone...but the appropriate point usually didn't come for a while. grin First there was Ramon, whose pants were falling off. And that was okay. We compared notes and realized we both were seeing someone who wasn't there tonight, so we were "safe flirts" for each other. Of course, when he invited me to stick my hand down his pants and touch his wee-wee while we were dancing, I gracefully declined. I mean, there are limits.
Then there was Franklin, who came dancing over toward me with his shirt off, gave me a smile, twirled around and planted his backside in my crotch. For about 15 minutes. That was okay, and he was a fun armful, and he didn't mean anything by it, he was just playing. And he gave me gum. Spearmint.
And lastly there came Marn. It was weird, there was a big group of Asian guys dancing together and I thought Marn was with the same group as Franklin. When he smiled and came my way I thought they're taking turns with me. But no, in fact there were two seperate groups of friends there, and Marn didn't know Franklin. He got the "I'm seeing someone info" when he said "I'm Filipino...that doesn't bother you, does it?" I was able to reply, "hey, so is my boyfriend." Anything to avoid awkwardness later.
Okay, you probably didn't need to hear all that, but what the hell, it was an ego boost for me. I'll write another non-Velvet entry later. After sleep.
Funny, once Kenneth left I didn't see anyone there I knew. And yet I had a fabulous time. At different points, everything would come together and feel right. Music, lights, cute guys, the overall energy of the place. I spent 3 1/2 hours on the dance floor before Marn and I took a break to get something to drink and chat where we could hear ourselves (that's another thing...my ears are going to be ringing for a week). My last memories of 2000 are going to be of a grotesquely oversized disco ball rising back up into the rafters.
I sure don't feel like I'm going to be 35 in 2 weeks.
Not a bad way to end the year.
31 Dec 2000
It was a very good year
Time for the last entry of 2000 (of course, this is the second entry today, the first being written at 6am).
Some of things that made 2000 so great were...
...kissing Arlington Michael at midnight (we were dating then)
...giving Tracy a smooch immediately afterwards
...introducing my website with my own domain
...watching the hosts of my birthday party disappear into their bedrooms with some of the guests
...rediscovering London and constantly being mistaken for a Brit or a Scot
...visiting Edinburgh for the first time
...getting promoted at work
...Richmond Michael and Chantilly Michael visiting with me over their Spring Break, and making me breakfast, and a cake (not at the same time!)
...watching Arlington Michael and Steven get together on Steve's 21st birthday
...passing my Qualifying Exam for school
...having a 7-hour phone conversation with Tom after we had run into each other online
...dinner at 2 Quail
...Kenneth bringing me a glass dolphin and a candle from his Asian trip
...going to Rehobeth Beach for Tracy's birthday
...having a "night" at Velvet Nation when, without any drug or alcohol influence, I think I captured the feelings my friends talk about when they do E
...the hugs I get from Richmond Michael
...feeling "no pressure over latte" when I met River
...Chantilly Michael selling me WAY too many clothes at the Gap (including my leather pants, which are GREAT!)
...visiting Tracy in San Francisco and having an amazing time -- what a great city
...meeting Mel at the "Don't Panic" store in San Francisco and talking with him for hours before catching my flight home
...running Chad's first East Coast art show
...searching around New Orleans' hotels for Peter's friend after hanging out all night with him at Southern Decadence
...the Summer Olympics
...buying my tickets to the 2002 Winter Olympics
...River's 36-hour visit home in the middle of his training in Dallas
...Sunday night TV with "the boys"
...going to see the mens and womens Olympic gymnastics teams
...taking two classes with a really great professor and writing a couple papers that might be worth publishing
...watching Naked Boys Singing off-Broadway
...discovering RIPS underwear and having a friend who sells it (thanks, Scott!)
...getting e-mails from guys saying that my website has been very helpful for them as they are coming out
...dancing under a grotesquely oversized disco ball at Velvet Nation
...starting this journal.
Big hugs to all the great people I met this year, including Joshua, Frasier, Chantilly Michael, Tom, River, Aldolfo, Mel, Peter, and Nick. And of course, my online friends Chris, Paul, and Scott.
And to ALL my friends...thank you
Peace
