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1 Nov 2000
Tek Sue Port?

When did the concept of "customer service" die? Have some people in service jobs decided that they can just ignore their responsibilities and that's acceptable? Who gave them this idea?

For the last week and a half I have been dealing with Compaq customer support. My 2-month old computer has a CD-RW drive, and while using it for the first time, it failed. The computer now does not recognize that there is a CD-RW there, and I cannot get it to reload the driver. For about 5 days there were e-mails flying back and forth between Compaq and I about how to resolve it. 7 days ago I got an e-mail from them, tried what they suggested, and it didn't work. I immediately sent them an e-mail with my results. No response.

I sent the message again 2 days later. No response.

I sent it again 2 days after that. No response.

Have they decided that if they ignore me, I'll go away? What, do they think I'm going to sit here with a failed component in a brand new computer and simply forget about it? Of course, I only have the one e-mail address, so there's no way I can send a message to a supervisor.

And then there's Verizon...

My DSL provider is a little insane. Last year when I was having problems (they sent me 2 bad modems before I got one that worked) I was told "it's not our fault you have to wait on the phone so long, we are getting a LOT of calls." Well, if the service was performed correctly in the first place...but I digress.

So this weekend I'm calling them about my intermittent Internet service. The young lady with whom I spoke didn't seem too up to speed on how DSL works, or on how to get the test results from me when she had me perform some procedure. We went through a number of diagnostics more than once, and I could hear her asking colleagues in the background what to do. Finally, after 30 minutes, she tells me to run some diagnostics and send the results into another office via e-mail because this is beyond her capabilities.

Well, duh.

Naturally, I sent in the diagnostic results, and naturally, over 48 hours later, I still haven't received a response. My service is better, though still not up to standard.

So how did this happen? My theory is that one of three things is taking place:

1. these companies feel they can provide lousy tech support because I'm stuck with them. I've already invested in the Compaq, so they won't lose me, and as for DSL, well, even though there are now other providers, I have no idea if they're reliable or not, so I'll stick with Verizon. And they know it.

2. the systems involved are so complex that it is not feasible for the companies to provide full training to their tech support personnel. These poor souls are stuck in a job for which they are not adequately prepared, and they are forced to rely on checklists that cannot possibly cover every scenario. Perhaps tech support is viewed as a transitional job, so training is considered unimportant because the techs will soon be replaced by someone else anyway.

3. the tight labor market has resulted in less-than-competent people being placed in these jobs. Someone has to do it, and companies are forced to take what they can get. These, then, are the people who couldn't cut it as programmers, Web developers, hardware designers, or what have you.

If the answer is #2 then I feel sorry for the techs who have been tossed in to sink or swim. If the answer is #3 then a lot of things make sense to me now.

But if the answer is #1, well, screw them!!!!!


2 Nov 2000
Not in OUR church

I was chatting this week with a Wiccan in Montgomery, Alabama, where I used to live (for 2 years, 8 days, and 3.5 hours). He is in the Air Force, and he was planning a Samhain celebration with local Wiccans to be held this Friday. They were planning to hold it at one of the chapels on the Air Force base. These are non-demoniational chapels available for use by any religion.

Or so they thought.

It seems the local Christian conservatives have raised a big stink about it. They went to the chief chaplain on base, a Colonel, and also went over his head to the Base Commander, another Colonel. They complained that "these people" were going to do something horrible to the chapel, violate its sanctity or something, who knows what. Anyway, the Base Commander requested that, if they didn't mind, maybe the Wiccans could get together somewhere else on base? Sure, he said he'd support them if they wanted to stay at the chapel, but he'd sure appreciate it if they could go elsewhere. Now, the Commander is a Colonel, and the Wiccan guy is a young Airman, so a "request" might seem like something else. And so, considering all the factors, this young Airman elected to move the gathering somewhere else.

Now, I totally support what the Airman did. He made the best of a potentially very bad situation, and he is working with the chaplains to try to educate the local population. Rather than make a big stink about this, he has realized that one must choose one's battles carefully, and this was not the best way to present their face to the public.

So apparently, in addition to giving up their right to free speech (which in some situations may be justified, but in others is not), military people apparently give up their right to freedom of religion, which cannot be justified in the name of national security in any way, shape, or form.

But I wonder...

...if the group that wanted to use the chapel was, say, Jewish, or maybe predominantly black, and a bunch of folks complained about it, would the group be asked to move? Or would the complainers be told, in no uncertain terms, that their behavior was unacceptable?

I think we all know the answer to that.


4 Nov 2000
Five-sided building

Friday I had to go do some research at the Pentagon. I spent most of the afternoon buried in their library. A nice enough place, as libraries go, and I got a lot of good data.

But I got to thinking about my journal entry from the other day, and about the situation with the Wiccans at the Air Force base in Alabama. It occurred to me that the Pentagon, like a pentagram, has 5 sides. Hmmm...I wonder if the designer was Wiccan? Maybe that base commander should be a little more respectful in the future!!

Thursday night Kenneth and I went dancing at Badlands. While we were on the dance floor a girl came up to me and said, "this guy behind me thinks you're REALLY cute!" Well, I'm always up for that, but as I turned back to Kenneth he grabbed my arm and said, "okay, you are SO my boyfriend right now!!" Apparently, he thought the fellow flirting with me was actually flirting with him, and Kenneth had made it clear he really wasn't in the mood to meet anyone that night. "Um, Kenneth, he's into ME, not you." "Oh...okay then!," and he danced off on his own before going to get a cigarette. Well, I danced with this nice guy, then we went to hang out and chat a bit. I wasn't sure what the ettiquette was; I mean, at what point do I say "I have a boyfriend"? I don't want to just lean over while we're dancing and tell him, before we've even spoken. I mean, that seems kinda presumptuous, don't ya think? Anyway, he asked if we could exchange numbers, and that was the point when I told him. He seemed kind of embarrassed, but please, when someone picks me out of a crowded dance floor, do you think I'M going to be bothered by it??? Hardly. Anyway, it was a nice way to end the night.

And I don't think I can go out on Thursdays very often. I was a total mess on Friday. Felt tired, bad headache all day...not the way to be productive.

But felt better Friday night and went to a play at school with Nick. One of his friends was directing it, and it was free, so we checked it out. The story was good, it provided the fodder for some good discussion afterwards (which we still haven't finished), but some of the acting needed a little (well, a LOT of) work. It was still lots of fun, though. Then we went back to his place and sat up and talked forever, which we seem to do every time we get together. He was driving to Charlottesville today to see a friend, and had to get up early, so I really didn't mean to stay late, but it was 2am before I left.

Today has mostly been football and working on a short paper that's due Wednesday. I also have a paper due Thursday that I wanted to work on, since I haven't actually, technically, started on it yet. Oh, well, at least I know what I'm going to have to do Sunday.

It's almost 10pm and I can't decide what to do tonight. Part of me wants to go to Velvet, but another part of me is asking "why?" What I really want to do is go with my boyfriend, but he doesn't get back for another week (River's actually in Austin tonight with a classmate). So I'm thinking I'll finish the paper for Wednesday, go to bed at a decent time, get up early Sunday and get a lot of work done before the Fox premiere night (yay, X-Files!!).

Damn, this is pathetic. Maybe I should call Tracy and go watch some naked dancers at Wet.

Or maybe not.

But it's not like I have to go out on Saturday night. I mean, I was out Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday nights. That should be enough for any man, right?

Or am I just rationalizing?


5 Nov 2000
Didn't see THAT coming!

Well, all around, I'd have to say it was an interesting start to the X-Files' season. The Enya-esque music was a nice touch, I thought. I'm not sure yet what I think of SA John Dogget. There were a couple of confusing points in there, what seemed to be some contradictory references. But maybe they made sense to someone. The ending caught me by surprise (though I won't give it away here, in case anyone is still waiting to see it) but I think it's pretty obvious who that was.

Michael and Steve came over the shows, perhaps marking the return of our Sunday night TV habits. When Michael and I were dating, we'd always get together for the Sunday night Fox shows regardless of whatever else we did that weekend. We kept doing that after we stopped dating, and hopefully we'll keep it up.

Those two have been dating for 6 months now. YAY! They just look SO cute together. I think they make a great couple because they're neurotic about the same things. =) It's a lot of fun to be with them because they're just so good with each other.

I wanted River to be here. But he's still in Dallas (for only 5 more days!).

Tracy was supposed to come over too. But he didn't finish all his work that needed to be done by tomorrow. No need for me to say more here, he knows he'll be bitch-slapped soon enough.

I realized this weekend how totally, utterly, and completely I am over a certain relationship that went down the tubes in '99. When I moved up here last year, I was still bothered because someone hadn't come with me. This guy, whom we will call MTAC to protect his identity (trust me, those initials mean something, and a few folks know what) was the only guy I can honestly say I ever fell in love with. I've met lots of great guys since coming out, and have had some wonderful relationships with a few extra-special men. But when I met MTAC, I was speechless. I felt like I'd been hit with a brick, but in a good way. I didn't recognize the feeling for what it was, I just knew how good I felt being with him. Yeah, it was love at first sight, something I never believed in before, but which I guess is real after all. After we'd been going out about 3 months, we started talking about the possibility of moving to DC together. The move was 8 months away, and we figured that would give us time to figure out if this was right for us or not.

But within two weeks, he'd broken up with me. Why? He felt he'd been in relationships constantly over the previous 2 years, and wanted to accomplish some things (like finishing college, getting his career going) before settling into an important relationship. I respected that, as he was giving up someone he felt strongly about in order to pursue his dreams. The problem was, he soon dropped out of my life, ignoring the friendship we had built up.

The reason? Well, he'd met someone else, and that someone didn't like MTAC talking to an ex. So he cut me out of his life, and about the time I moved to DC, MTAC and his boyfriend (whom he "loved more than anything") had moved to Atlanta together.

This fall, he wrote and told me they had "fallen out of love" this summer and had broken up. Recently, though, I noticed in his online profile that he is "100% in love with the perfect man," someone he met back in August.

So MTAC seems to fall in and out of love pretty easily. Which means those feelings he exhibited for me at one point probably weren't all I thought they were. And chances are he would've moved out on me after a year even if he had come up here.

In fact, before he and I were together, he had been in 2 year-long, live-together relationships. I should have paid attention to all those warning signs.

And so I feel a LOT better now, not like I allowed something to fail, but like it never was really there to begin with. In other words, it wasn't my fault.

Cool.

I've also learned that there's something better than fast, flash-in-the-pan feelings. There are also those feelings that grow as you learn about someone, spend time with him, start to miss him when he's not around, look forward to his phone calls. And out of the blue, certain things start to occur to you.

And that's even cooler.


6 Nov 2000
Vote Early, Vote Often

Tuesday is Election Day. I have to admit, I have a bad, bad feeling about this. I'm afraid we're about to get a bumbling idiot for President. The only consolation is that odds are, the next President will be a one-term President for a lot of reasons I won't bother going into now.

I may be wrong about Tuesday. I hope I am. I really hope that gay people will get out there and vote (and vote for Gore/Lieberman) because the religious right is certainly going to be out in full force.

In better news, big hugs and kisses go out to Steve for correctly diagnosing the problem with my CD drive. I went out and bought a new IDE cable today (and got the right one, thanks to Andy's able assistance) and both my CD drives are now functioning properly. I have successfully burned my first audio CD, and it is for Steve, the Enya disc he wanted. Thanks, Steve!!

Lots of schoolwork got accomplished today. I am doing better now that I realize I simply am not going to sit down and crank out an entire project at once, whether it's reading 200 pages for class or writing a paper. If I split it into pieces, doing a little of this, then a little of that, I actually get more done because I don't get as bored. Who would've thought it would take a bachelors degree, a masters degree, and half my PhD coursework to figure THAT out!!

River should be back in 97 hours. Unless, that is, he decides to stay in Dallas an extra night. He's made some cool new friends there, and I think he'd like to get together with them one last time. As much as I want him to get his cute little ass back here, I don't want him to feel like he's leaving Dallas with unfinished business. So we'll see.

Went into Structure today at lunch, looking to buy anything and get a free messenger bag (not that I need another one, but hey, a spare is always a good idea). Anyway, I couldn't find anything I liked, certainly not at a price I was willing to pay. I started wearing a lot of Structure gear when I was in Alabama, but maybe that's because going in there made me feel like I was somewhere else. Now I seem to be more of a Gap or Old Navy boy (not that I buy a lot of new clothes). They look better, and they're generally cheaper. I understand Structure is having a lot of problems, and could very easily go out of business. Do they just not care any more?

Well, I'm going with Andy to vote on Tuesday, and he wants to go at 7 ('cuz he runs from 5:30am to 6:30am -- Crazy Boy!!!). So I am going to bed now. Nighty nite.


7 Nov 2000
I can't stand this

It's almost midnight, and this Presidential race is too close to call. I voted this morning with Andy at about 7am, but Gore lost here in Virginia, as did Senator Robb.

I can't write more now. Too tense. I'll add to this entry later.

Wednesday, November 8, 2:22am
I finally went to bed about 1am. I set my alarm to get up now and check the results, figuring I'd keep doing that during the night until they announce a winner. I see now that Bush has been declared the winner in Florida, giving him enough electoral votes to take the whoe thing. Dammit dammit dammit.

I call River to tell him. He is not happy.

Wednesday, November 8, 8:31am
Is the news media EVER going to call Florida right? I see now that there is a difference of only about 1,200 votes in Florida, meaning there's automatically a recount. This could still go either way. And apparently there was a problem with a few hundred voters who thought they were voting for Gore but who, because of a problem at the polling booth, actually ended up voting for Buchanan.

Anybody who ever says their vote doesn't matter just needs to look at this election. And at the fact that Ralph Nader got close to 100,000 votes in Florida, votes that, had they gone to Gore, would've ended this already.


8 Nov 2000
End of Innocence

Well, it seems the boys on South Park have lost their innocence. They've gone on to the fourth-grade, leaving behind the third-grade, where they "sat on marshmallow desks and had teddy bear smiles." Yes, it's a cruel, cruel world in the fourth-grade, but one needs to remember that life moves forward, not backward.

Mr Garrison, too, has lost the innocence of his "gay-but-in-denial" life. Yes boys and boys, er, girls, Mr Garrison has come out of the closet. About damn time, too. If John Goodman can play a gay character (badly, I might add) then surely Mr Garrison can be honest about who he is. Will we see Waylon Smithers in a Pride Parade next? And what is Mr Garrison's first name, anyway?

And...I have lost my innocence as well. This presidential election has opened the door for me to (finally) understand something about how the election system works in this country. You'd think I'd have learned this a long time ago, maybe I'm just behind everybody else. But it has been eye-opening. In part, this is because I'm a public policy PhD student at a Washington DC-area university; some of the talking heads you see on CNN are the same professors who stand at the front of my classroom every week. I'm not just learning stuff from them, either, I'm also putting the pieces together for myself and starting to realize why things work the way they do (my fellow students are also full of information; many of them have worked for the White House or on politcal campaigns or in the media and have a LOT of knowledge to share). But I am definitely starting to understand...

...why we have an Electoral College.
...why it's a good idea.
...why it isn't.
...how the media does uses exit poll data.
...why the campaigns use the strategies they do.
...how budget surplus projections are developed.
...why they're a joke.
...how private institutions can take over functions from the government.
...why they won't be able to.
...conservatives.
...liberals.

Frankly, I think I was a lot happier BEFORE a lot of this stuff started making sense.

I want my innocence back.

"Timmy!"


9 Nov 2000
Tick Tock

River gets home in 24 hours and 16 minutes. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to try to finish a bunch of homework Friday so I don't have to worry about it over the weekend. It's occuring to me just how close the end of the semester is getting, so I suppose I should really get going on these big papers.

But I can't get too worked up over them. A sense of perspective is important. One of my friends told me today that he is currently living in his car. This is not a good thing. At least I have regular shelter in which to live. So worrying about papers for school suddenly seems a little silly.

I have been thinking a lot lately about online journals. When I first set up a webcam on my website, that seemed a tad exhibitionist. Now I'm writing a journal in which I express my innermost thoughts.

Or do I?

Do I write about all the meaningful thoughts I have, all the significant events? No, not really. There are some things I don't want to share with anyone else, either because they are just too personal, or because I don't want to admit them to myself, or simply because I'm not ready to tell anyone else yet, though I will be sometime. There are also some things I don't talk about because they involve other people who may not want to see their lives splashed up here for the world to see, and I want to respect their privacy.

So why bother, if I'm not going to tell all? Well, it still gives me some record I can look back on, some idea what my thoughts were at a given point in my life. And it lets other people know what's going on in my life (since I've lived all over the country, I have a lot of friends in many different places, and this is a good way for them to tune in to me!). And, perhaps most importantly, it allows me to vent my feelings, and perhaps figure them out in the process. I noticed while talking with River Wednesday night that a few things that had been dancing around in my mind suddenly came together while trying to explain some of my views to him. Oftentimes it's only by talking through things that I can actually figure them out. So this thing helps.

Different folks have different uses for their journals. I was reading one today (and the fact that I'm writing in my journal about another journal should indicate how important these are becoming to me) and the author said he doesn't like to mix his real-life friends with his on-line acquaintances. If he starts talking with someone because they read his journal, he doesn't really want to meet them in real life, and he doesn't want his real life, flesh-and-blood friends to read his journal (perhaps because they often show up in there). I found it interesting how he likes to keep these two worlds separate. I also find it sad, because if the opportunity arose I think it would be fun to meet him someday.

In fact, when I've "met" people online in the past, I haven't really bothered to keep contact with them unless I thought there was a chance of meeting someday. I was never much for "Net friends." That attitude has changed somewhat in the last few months, though. I'm happy that I "know" these people, even if only electronically, because they add something to my life (as a "for instance," one of the first things I do in the morning, and one of the last things I do at night, is check through about half a dozen journals for updates -- weird, huh?). Granted, that attitude was put to the test earlier this year when my first true "Net friend" suddenly "died," only to have it turn out that, based on what I and some other folks had learned, this person we had been talking to was actually a "made up" personality. I hope none of the journals I'm reading now are by people pretending to be something they aren't, as that would really be disillusioning.

The Net has definitely led to some great real-life friendships, and other relationships, for me. I met Richmind Michael online a year and a half ago, but didn't meet him for-real until last December. He has opened up my world a lot. I met ThatMichael through the Web. I met my wonderful boyfriend through a website he operates. And who knows, perhaps I will someday meet some of these other journal writers live and in person.

Speaking of journals, River has occasioanlly been sending entries from his journal while he has been in Texas. It sounds like this has been a great experience for him, as I knew it would be. He has not only learned a lot, he has grown as a person, too. It's a shame this 6-week trip had to come so soon after we started dating, but I'm very glad it'll be over in...24 hours and 3 minutes!!!!!

OK, I'm off to bed, lots and lots of work to do tomorrow. And hey, did you notice...I made it all the way through a journal entry without mentioning the election. D'OH!!!!!!


11 Nov 2000
Woo Hoo!!

River got back last night! Wow, what a cool feeling when your boyfriend rolls over in his sleep and just naturally puts his arms around you and holds you close. Too fun!

I've missed him.

Now we're headed down into the District for fun and frivolity, and if we're not careful, we might just learn something, too. Kinda like Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids.

So, if he's sitting here in my living room...why am I typing on the computer????


12 Nov 2000
What an exciting weekend

Okay, it might not have been "exciting" by your definition, but it was actually a pretty good one by mine.

River, of course, got home Friday night. I met him at the airport, took him back to his place, and we went right to sleep. The poor boy was EXHAUSTED.

He was even more tired after Saturday morning. =)

But we spent most of Saturday afternoon downtown, first at the Library of Congress, where we checked out the Thomas Jefferson exhibit and saw, among other things, the rough draft of the Declaration of Independence. (like I said, not everyone would find this exciting) That night we went to a movie he's been wanting to see for a while, Billy Elliot, a British film about a 12-year old guy in the mid-80s who wants to be a ballet dancer, much to the consternation of his coal-miner father. Very, very good film, and we both agreed we need to get out and see a lot more independent films. Not that that's going to keep us from seeing Charlie's Angels, of course. Afterwards we went back to his place and played Nintendo for a couple hours, then ended up sleeping at our own places since both of us were pretty beat and I really wasn't feeling all that well.

The plan this morning was for him to come over between 11:30 and 12, and I'd fix breakfast. About 11:30 I get a call from him, and he says "I'm sorry, I'm running late, I didn't wake up until noon." "Um, babe," I said, "it's 11:30 right now." Long pause "Oh." It seems he wasn't here when we switched to Daylight Savings Time, and he hadn't fixed his clocks since getting back. Good thing he realized that now, or he might've shown up at work an hour early tomorrow. And we can't have that!

Today we headed down to the Java Shack for free massages from a group of massage therapy students who needed someone to practice on. I had made appointments for us at 2pm...yesterday. Oops. Looks like my boyfriend's not the only one with timing issues today. Then we went downtown to walk around the Mall, checking out a couple of Smithsonian exhibits, walking down to the Lincoln Memorial, strolling by the Reflecting Pool. It was a very, very good day.

Incidentally, for those who didn't realize that Saturday was Veterans' Day, well, it was. If you know a veteran, be sure to thank them for their service. And if you don't know any veterans of your own, well, write my friend Andy and thank him. People seem to have short memories, and they forget the sacrifices made by people who served in the military (and not just in wartime, either). With the Cold War over, there are actually more US military folks being sent to nasty parts of the world than was the case before 1991.

And with that public service reminder, I am off to bed. G'night!


13 Nov 2000
Not a sun in the sky

Today was a cloudy, gloomy, day. If that's what winter's going to be all about, then I want no part of it. I wonder if we can hold class in Florida for the next few months.

I didn't even leave my building today, until about 9 o'clock. I had to get out of here, so I grabbed a book for Tuesday's class and walked over to XandO for a mocha. I don't really like that place, the service bites and it's a little too loud to get any real work done. But I wasn't in the mood to drive down to Java Shack, and there's just no other place around here to go.

Once again, though, I was reminded how interesting it can be to live in a multiethnic neighborhood where you aren't necessarily the dominant ethnic group. The only English I heard spoken in there was when the cute Vietnamese gayboy took my order. Tonight was mostly a mix of Arabic and Spanish. And club music. Lots and lots of club music.

I totally rearranged my office this morning. I think I'm so used to moving all the time that when I stay put in one place for a while, something has to change. And let's face it, I spend way too much time in this room to have it be a place I don't work well in. I keep trying to make this a more comfortable room, but nothing has really worked yet. Hmmm, maybe some posters of mostly naked men...

Yeah, like I'd get any work done. =)

It surprises me sometimes how many people around me have some big issue in their lives, something they're trying to work through or get over. Some are in therapy, some are working it out on their own. They often aren't very open about it, but then it gets tough when things happen or they act a certain way, and I don't understand why. I think it helps a lot if your friends know what you're going through, so they know what to expect from you. Certain behaviors can be a real problem in a friendship because they can often be misinterpreted when the people around you don't understand why you do the things you do or say the things you say. And you can try to help, only to find you've been offering exactly the wrong kind of support.

It would be nice if people could be more open about what's going on in their lives, but I understand why they aren't.

And now all my friends in DC are saying, "who's he talking about?" Heh heh, I'll never tell.

Some of my really good friends from Alabama are at a conference in Colorado right now, hopefully lifting a glass or two for me. I'd love to be there, and in fact was at this conference each of the last 2 years. But this year, I didn't have a paper to present there, and so I really couldn't justify being away from school for 4-5 days. Oh, well, hopefully we'll all meet up there next year.

Oh, I finally watched the episode of "Will and Grace" that I taped last Thursday. Good show. It was about 3-ways and Banana Republic, two very fun topics. I've never had a satisfying 3-way. But there was this incredible 4-way one time...

Well, g'night!


14 Nov 2000
My cool boyfriend

He really is cool, you know.

Tonight I had planned to finish class, then head to my school's main campus to hear a speaker. I didn't really want to hear him, but a professor on my dissertation committee was involved with the program, so I figured I'd do the smart thing, drive 45 minutes out there, sit through the presentation, drive 45 minutes back, then read for tomorrow's class.

Then River called.

He was in no mood to sit around his house alone tonight, so he was planning to go down to Dupont Circle and get some coffee and read, and would I like to come meet him after I was done at the presentation?

I started to say "I can't." I wouldn't be home until almost 9:30 as it was, and then I'd have to fix dinner, and by the time I got down there it would be after 10.

Then I thought "what the hell am I doing?"

I could either spend an hour and a half on the road tonight to listen to someone I didn't really want to hear, OR I could go hang out with my boyfriend and still get my reading done for tomorrow while he perused Java for Dummies. Hmmm, tough choice.

Well, no it's not. It was obvious what I wanted to do, I just needed to take a second and remember what's important to me. There will be plenty of nights when I will have to say "no" because of school, so why go out of my way to make this a "no" night when it doesn't have to be? I'm glad he was here to remind me of that. Let's face it, dating a grad student is not an easy thing to do (we're wierd, and our schedules are even wierder) so when I can put school aside for a couple hours (though still getting my reading done anyway) then I should.

So we went to XandO and had fun. And a cute waiter named Kenn. =)

Funny note: a little while after I got home from Dupont, River called me again. Seems he'd gotten to his Metro station and found his car in the parking lot with a dead battery. Could I come jump him? (not like that) Now, if he had asked me that a week ago, my answer would've been "no, but I can help you push." But last week a friend asked if I had jumper cables and I had to say "no" because I had left the stupid things in the truck when I sold it in a hurry last year, and I'd never gotten another set. Realizing I was flirting with disaster I went to Target (excuse me, Targay) last Friday and bought a new set. Talk about good timing.

Plus, it meant I could go jump start his car, then give him an appropriate good night kiss that I didn't feel comfortable giving him on a crowded Metro train full of drunken hockey fans half an hour earlier. Hmmm, maybe that's the real reason he called me!


15 Nov 2000
Up, up, and away

The title has nothing to do with the entry. I simply needed to fill the blank space.

I just got back from dinner and TV at River's. I went over there after class tonight. That boy makes a mean Chicken Marsala. I think I'll keep him. =)

Even though I don't want to hear any more about the election, hey, I'm a doctoral student and this is my field, so I guess I'm supposed to talk about it, right? Well, it's certainly been an educational experience. I (and the rest of the American people) have learned a lot more about the Electoral College process than we ever wanted to know. But I was sitting in class tonight and this one lady was asking questions that should've been answered for her in her high school American government class. That kind of pissed me off. We have one of the country's top political science kinda guys teaching the class, and she's wasting our time with this stuff. I remember this woman from a couple classes last year, and based on her performance, I can't figure out why she's still in the program. I know some people were asked to leave at the end of last year; why wasn't she one of them?

Incidentally, she was trying to get people to sign up to put together a study guide for the final exam. Basically, she wants a bunch of people to each cover one week's worth of material (which is about 300-400 pages of reading, plus a lecture) and put it together into a guide for everyone. I have two major problems with that. One, if it were anyone else I'd say "good effort," but since it's this lady, I know she's doing it because she hasn't kept up with the work this semester and now she wants everyone else to do her work for her. And second, I've heard class presentations from some of these people, and I would hate to think my preparation for the final depended on them. Some of them just aren't too bright, and some of them are Master's students who aren't quite meeting the level that the professor is going to expect from the PhDs. So I think I'll just do my own work, thank you very much.

Speaking of work, I've worked out at the gym twice this week so far. I was talking to Tracy Sunday and he said he was going back to the gym Monday and I said, "good, you go to your gym, I'll go back to mine, and we'll both start up again." (I've been away from it for about 6 weeks, for some reason) Apparently, though, I've been going, but he hasn't. Naughty, naughty!

Of course, when I was on the treadmill the other day, I was reading a magazine while I was still walking, and managed to drop it. I reached to try to catch it before it hit the treadmill and flew away from me, and as I did, one foot slipped off the treadmill onto the side of the machine. The other foot, of course, was still on the treadmill, and I just managed to catch myself before I pancaked right onto the moving machine. That would've sucked. A lot. Fortunately, there was no one else around to see my "Wile E. Coyote moment."

By the way: how about that South Park episode tonight, with the kindergarten kids and their election for class president? It was totally based on the problems in Florida, right down to the confusing ballot. How do those guys make an episode that fast?

One other thing I should mention about Tracy: this past weekend marked out third "anniversary." We met when I was up from Alabama visiting Andy over Veteran's Day weekend in 1997. I should add that Tracy and I met on a street corner. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

But anyway, as we were talking on the phone this weekend, we realized that it had been three years ago we met. He said, "hold on a sec," and rummaged around in his file cabinet. A minute later he was reading me a copy of the very first e-mail I'd sent him after we met.

He had printed it out and saved it.

How cool is that?

I swear, I have the BEST friends!!!!!!!


17 Nov 2000
Zzzzzzzzz

It's 1am, and I can't sleep.

Could it be due to the fact that I didn't talk to River tonight? We simply left voicemails for each other.

This is wierd.

My guess is, that's it. Either that, or I shouldn't have had the large mocha at the Java Shack tonight.


19 Nov 2000
It's been a while

Hmmmm, I guess it's been a couple days since I updated this. I could say it's because I haven't been home much. I could say that because it's true.

But anyway...

I've been working on the draft of a paper that a professor wanted to see on Tuesday. However, since he said he'd be happy with a "detailed outline," that's what he's going to get. There is no way i can finish a 25-page paper by Tuesday, even in draft form. I'm still collecting data, and probably won't finish that until Wednesday.

It's been nice to find the data readily available. What hasn't been so nice is that the data is proving my hypothesis wrong. That's not necessarily a bad thing; disproving a hypothesis also adds to the collected body of research by ruling out certain options. But I really thought I was going to be right on this. So, I have two options:

- admit that my hypothesis was wrong
- claim that my hypothesis may be true, but other factors are interfering and making it difficult to know for sure.

Knowing how much I hate to be wrong, I'll probably go with the second option.

Earlier this week I wrote that I'm often surprised to find that my friends have something big going on in their lives that I don't know about, like a childhood experience that affects them or a personal issue that they are dealing with. I figured some of my friends would write and say "who are you talking about?" I didn't expect, though, that a couple would ask "are you talking about me?" If you have to ask, guys,...

But to be honest, when I wrote that, I wasn't really thinking of something going on right now. It's just that, since I moved to DC, I've been closer to the friends here, and have spent more time with them, than has been the case in most of the places I've lived. So it surprises me how much will still don't seem to know each other.

On a side note, which has nothing to do with any of this, Sunday is my friend Tom's birthday. He's 23. I hope folks will send him a birthday greeting, even if it's a little late. =)

I talked to my brother today, and it looks like he and his wife are bailing out on Thanksgiving with the folks. A note from my mom tells me that my grandmother is going to be out of town, visiting other relatives, and my aunt and uncle will be with other folks. That means it's mom and dad and I for Thanksgiving Day. Oh my.

The reason I wasn't home to much this weekend is that River and I were spending some time together. Friday night we caught a movie downtown (Broken Hearts Club, which, if you haven't seen, you should) then went out for dinner. I thought some guys were checking us out, but as I looked closer I realized they were looking our way because they were friends of mine. Oops. We hadn't really planned it, but I spent the night over there, 'cuz it was really cold and we wanted some snuggling.

Saturday we got up late, and I hit the new Starbucks down the street from his place. (why is it that when they open a new place, they don't staff it with some people who know what they're doing until the new people get their feet on the ground?) Off we went to Best Buy to get a couple things, then we headed out to school to see Nick in a play. That was fun, that's the first time I've seen him on stage, and it was the first time he and River met. Then we each went home to do some stuff, after which I picked him up and we went to see the Royal Winnepeg Ballet do Dracula. That was very cool, lots of fun, and I stayed over at his place again. He's got me playing Nintendo Tennis, and I'm getting better, and we also played Resident Evil, which made me have bad dreams. (note that I am not normally a player of video games, so this was a little new for me. I can see why people get hooked on it.)

We went out for breakfast this morning, and had a really good talk. There are some things I've wanted to ask him about, and he's actually the one who brought it up to begin with. I love how we're getting to know the important stuff about each other over time, rather than just trying to take everything in at once (which, let's face it, leads to "flash-in-the-pan" romances). Theye are some important things about each other that we need to understand as this relationship goes forward, and those are being addressed. Good. =)

Oh, and before I forget: UVA beat NC State Saturday 24-17. That gives the 'Hoos a 6-4 record, with THE GAME against Virginia Tech next weekend. Will we get bowl game? Tune in next weekend and see!!!

And with that, I need to go get ready for Sunday night TV. I have boys coming over for X-Files, Simpsons, etc. Woo hoo!!!


20 Nov 2000
Truth is stranger than fiction

I watched Boston Public again tonight on Fox. That show is really growing on me. When I first saw it a few weeks ago I really got drawn in because there are so many stories going on and I was curious to see how they would turn out. I got to wondering, though, about all the different dramas that were taking place in this school. Surely no middle-class high school has all that stuff going on.

Then I thought back to my high school. There were the pregnant girls, the big parties with lots of alcohol, the drugs (which I'm sure were there, even though no one ever talked about them), and yes, the gay guys. At the time, I didn't really notice all of it, and I guess a lot of us don't realize what's going on outside our own little cliques (though I managed to spread myself across the Drama Queens, the Band Geeks, and the Smart Kids pretty well). Looking at it from a bigger perspective, kind of a "bird's-eye view," makes you realize how much is there. I've learned a lot about my old school by talking with other folks who were there when I was. I was amazed to find that a friend of mine in the band would double-date with another friend of his, then they would drop off their girlfriends and go have sex with each other. How could so much have been going on without me knowing about it? And why wasn't I invited?

I also watch these kids on Boston Public and think, "wow, I would just smack the shit out of some of those little smart-asses." Some of these kids are so pompous, so condescending to the teachers, so know-it-all, I can't believe these kids exist. And some of them seem so unbelievable!!! Like the girl who said she and the guy she was blowing in the stairwell were "not doing anything intimate, like kissing." Excuse me? And "(sigh) Everyone knows you can't get STDs from oral sex!" What is that all about? Surely, high school students aren't that ignorant! Are they?

Well, apparently they are. A couple younger friends of mine have told me that such attitudes are pretty common in high school. "Oral sex isn't really sex" seems to be the conventional wisdom (did that come from Clinton and Lewinsky, or did that attitude exist before?). And they say there's no concept of the idea that what they do now can have permanent consequences. Wow. I can't believe we acted like that in high school.

Or did we?

As I think back to school, I can remember being pretty much a dick to some of my teachers. There was that incident with that editorial I wrote for the school paper that saw me sent to the School Superintendant's office. There was the time I told off my debate coach in class. And poor Mister Schmidt, the band director...he put up with a lot crap from me (but hey, I was a drummer, the section often referred to as "those assholes in the band"). And the whole underground newspaper business. And a couple other things that the statute of limitations hasn't run out on yet. Yeah, there were a few times I was more than a little condescending toward the teachers and staff. And I was one of the GOOD kids. I don't know what kinds of problems they put up with from the bad ones.

Kinda makes me want to go find some of those teachers and apologize (though I'm still in touch with my senior English teacher, 'cuz she was incredibly cool...I miss ya, Mrs Wolford!!!).

And then I think back to when I was teaching college. I looked at some of those students and thought, "wow, there's someone who's just not going to make it." It's okay to be ignorant, so long as you realize you don't know everything, and you still have a lot to learn. That's actually one of the reasons I'm going for my PhD; learning a lot about my field made me realize how much more I still have to learn before I really, truly get it.

So I guess Boston Public is a little closer to real-life than I thought. Pompous, ignorant kids do exist. Students commit suicide. Parents sue the school. Gay kids have it tough sometimes (that part I already knew).

But does anyone else think that maybe the teachers on that show should spend a little more time teaching class and a little less time in the teachers' lounge?


22 Nov 2000
Cool boyfriend

Yep, I have a cool one.

I was talking to him on the phone while I was making breakfast Tuesday. I noticed I still had one last tiny bottle of champaigne. I said, "no, mimosas for breakfast would be too decadent." "Why not?" he said. "Well, I have to finish this draft of my paper for class tonight, and I still haven't done this week's reading." "So?," he asked.

So I had a mimosa. I'm glad I've got a boyfriend who puts things in perspective.

But I got the draft done. And I did my reading. And some other things. So it's all good.

Had a minor panic attack in class Tuesday night, realizing how much I have left to do before the semester is over. I looked at my calender later. 3 weeks left in the semester. Yep, my regularly-scheduled anxiety came right on time.

Stayed up much later than expected Tuesday night. Richmond Michael was at my door at 11:30. It seems he was going to Dulles Airport to pick up a friend at 11:00, only to find the flight was delayed until 3am. He didn't have my number with him, so he stopped by to see if i was still up. Fortunately I was. He and I haven't been able to sit down and talk outside a club in months, so this was really, really good. He's doing so well, and it looks like he's going back to school in january. YAY!!!

And now it's Wednesday morning, and I'm heading to my folks' place for Thanksgiving. We'll see if I'm able to update this while I'm gone, though my parents DO have an Internet connection now (and that is SO weird). My brother and his wife bailed on me, so I've got the folks to myself for 3 days.

Yippee.


26 Nov 2000
hee hee

OK, later on I'll write an entry that talks about the holiday weekend. But as I write this now, at 1:30am Sunday, I just want to jot down some notes about Saturday before we go to bed.

I gave River one of his Christmas presents today. Thanks to Tracy, who told me about it, I got two tickets to the Tour of World Gymnastics Champions at the MCI Center. Center section. Eighth row. Not bad.

The show featured members of the US mens and womens gymnastics teams from the Sydney Olympics. Including (sigh) Blaine Wilson. And the Hamm brothers. And plenty of other Olympians and national team members. And a couple Russians. Like, Svetlana Khorkina. And Alexi Nehmov. You know, pretty much the top male and female gymnasts in the world today.

And it was a very, very fun couple of hours.

And I got him a program, and fought through a crowd of 10-year old girls to get Paul Hamm's autograph.

I had asked River to keep the afternoon available, but didn't tell him what we were going to see. I don't think he was too happy with that, as he doesn't really like surprises. But I really, really wanted to see the look on his face when I told him about it. And it was worth it. =)

During the Sydney Games we would often be on the phone with each other for hours at a time, both watching the gymnastics (and later, the diving) and discussing them. Okay, I suppose we COULD have just gone to each other's homes to watch them together. But that's beside the point. The important thing is, we both really enjoy Olympic-level gymnastics (though I think I figured it out today: I'm more of an Olympics fan, while River is a fan of the individual sports).

So today was very fun.

And I am the best boyfriend in the world.

hee hee hee


26 Nov 2000
My very cool weekend

Well, all-righty then.

As Thanksgivings go, this was a pretty good one. I headed down to my folks' place on Wednesday and spent a couple days with them. That is always interesting, as they don't know I'm gay (though c'mon, I'm 34 and single, I think they've figured it out). But it was really a good time, and my dad didn't make any anti-gay jokes the whole time I was there, which is a new record for him.

I came back Friday night as the weather was supposed to turn bad there Saturday morning and I didn't want to be late for the gymnastics that afternoon. I know I said it in my last entry, but I'll say it again here: Sexy Alexi, Beautiful Blaine, and all the other guys (and the women -- let's be fair) put on a very fun show Saturday. But I still think the best part was seeing River's face when I told him where we were going.

I managed to get Paul Hamm's autograph for River's program. As I fought my way between two 10-year old girls with their little gymnast ponytails I caught one of them looking at me twice with a "what the hell are you doing here?" look on her face. Hey, I'm a fan, too. So what if I'm 3 times your age? And I'll knock your ass on the ground if you get in my way. 10-year old bitch.

But I digress.

We followed with lunch in nearby Chinatown, then we walked back to the Metro and just missed all the gymnasts getting on the bus. Drat! We headed back home, and River was determined to get me interested in chess, which I haven't played in years and years (and years). I found myself getting very strategic-minded, then River did his best to distract me. And his best is very good indeed. I put him into check, and he could've moved a bishop to block me, but I still would've gotten him pretty soon. So he conceded. Because he wanted to get on to other things. =)

Later that evening we cuddled in bed, him taking a nap, me watching the Virginia-Virginia Tech football game (which UVA lost, 41-21, dammit, but at least we spanked them in basketball Friday night). Then we got up, ate leftover Chinese, played card games until 2am while watching bad movies, and went to bed.

Sunday morning I was planning to get up earlier than him to do some work, then fix breakfast when he got up. But I was awakened a little earlier than expected by a phone call from Chantilly Michael. Seems he'd been in a car accident, and though he was okay, his car was undrivable. I picked him up and drove him home, and he said, "tell River I apologize for taking you out of bed." I told him that River wouldn't even notice I was gone, and sure enough, my cute boy was still tucked into bed when I came home. I worked for a while, then crawled into bed to wake him up, and he just wrapped his body around mine. Awwwwwwww.....

We went to see Urbania today, a very dark film that wasn't quite what I expected. Very good, but disturbing, and it will haunt me in my dreams tonight, I think. We ended up back here, me to work, him to go home and do laundry, then he was back a couple hours later as folks started arriving for Sunday night TV. Alexandria Michael didn't make it, as his cat was missing and he wanted to find her, only to discover she was hiding in the oven. Sort of. Long story.

But Tracy came over, and he and River finally met. And Steve was here, and you know, he and Michael are celebrating 7 months together (YAY!), and Andy was here, and the guy from Pizza Hut was here for a couple minutes, too. And X-Files was good. And we had my mom's chocolate chip cookies. And I talked to Chad in Colorado tonight.

In case you can't tell, this was an amazingly good weekend. =)


27 Nov 2000
Please, sir, I want some more

More fun, that is. I had so much this weekend and now I want more, more, MORE.

But it'll just have to wait.

Monday was the first real day of my end-of-the-semester push. Over the weekend I was working on another, non-school project. I'm co-editor of a book on terrorism that's being published next year, and I'm also writing a couple of the chapters. Today was my deadline to have my chapters done, and I managed to get them finished and sent out before midnight last night. Yay me!

My co-editor, who is also my mentor (and future boss) from my teaching days in Colorado, got into town tonight. He's here until Wednesday for some meetings, then he goes to Texas for a conference with George Bush Senior (who is probably going to be advising George Junior a lot in the next 4 years). Yes, I do get to work with people who do cool things. But anyway, Jim and I are going to get together for dinner Tuesday after I get out of class. That'll be fun, I haven't seen him in months.

Nothing else too exciting happened today. I spent all day working on school work (though in an attempt to liven things up, I did wear my bright red Old Navy Techno Chinos today...but it didn't really help much). In addition to my final exams, I have three big papers, all of them around 25 pages or so:

- A comparison of Canadian and American approaches to peacekeeping
- An evaluation of changes in US military culture since the end of the Cold War
- An examination of the Clinton administration's trouble devising a consistent peacekeeping policy

Obviously, national security policy is my life. Yippee.

Right now, I'd rather go see a movie.


28 Nov 2000
Papers and cookies and queers

Today was another solid day of work on my papers. I've progressed pretty far on my Military Culture paper. I'm still waiting for some data though, from the military and from a couple defense lobbying groups. I hope it gets here soon. The data I've collected so far seems to be contradicting my hypothesis. That's not necessarily a bad thing, as negative results are still useful. Still, it would be nice to know that my original idea was correct. Hmmm, maybe I can massage the data a little bit...

As my friend Carol said, "Numbers don't lie. Only men in relationships lie."

I got a little nervous in class tonight. We have the final in there next week, and someone asked the professor, "can you give us an example of the kind of question you'd ask?" "Oh," he said, "it'll mostly be short questions, just making sure you've done the readings. Something like, describe the concept of 'flexible competition.'" Everyone nodded sagely, while I stood there thinking I don't have the first clue what 'flexible competition' is. Uh oh.


I've learned something about my study and writing habits. I can't do something in just one shot. Cramming for a test, writing a paper in an all-nighter...this isn't how I do things well. I need to start small and build up. Like, with a paper, I start with a basic outline, then build a more detailed one, then write it section by section based on the research I've done, then go back through it and ensure I've included the appropriate evidence and citations. The same thing goes for studying for exams: I go through the syllabus, writing up a set of questions that I should be able to answer. Then I go back and research those questions, and create a list of what I think the answers are, as well as what different authors have said on the subject (for each of the classes where I have finals, we read about 300 pages per week, so I need to find some way to remember the different authors). I guess I'm more of a Type A personality than I thought. Apparently I really need a sense of organization, or I'll go off in a bunch of different directions and probably never get anything done. It's a pity I didn't realize this when I was an undergrad.

And YAY I e-mailed back and forth with Paul in New Orleans this morning. He's so cool. I wish I had gotten to know him before my trip down there in September. It would've been fun to meet him and go out for sushi. Oh, well, next time.

One thing I didn't do today was make it to the gym. I know I really need to make the time, for stress relief if nothing else, but a part of me hates to take the time away from school right now. I worked here all day, then went to class, then went for Thai food with my friend Jim who was in from Colorado (it was a working dinner, which basically meant gossiping about people). After getting home I worked, ate a couple of my mom's really good cookies, and now am getting ready for bed. You know, it's not like I'm overweight or anything, but there's a little bulge at my tummy that needs to go away. Strangely enough, I don't think that eating Thai food and cookies, and not going to the gym, is going to fix that.

Oh, and there WAS one other thing I did today: I called the cable company to cancel my HBO and order Showtime. Why? Because Queer As Folk starts on Showtime this Sunday, and since I've never gotten to see the original British version, I'd like to see the American one. Maybe I should tell Showtime that their little marketing plan paid off.

Cheerio.



29 Nov 2000
Oh poop

Today seemed like a l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n-g day. I made it to the gym this morning, thinking it would help get me going. Then I headed out to school to spend the day in the library before going to class.

I was really getting tired before class started, and finally got a cup of coffee, the first caffeine I'd had all day.

Then I went to class, which was interesting, but my back was starting to hurt and I felt a headache coming on.

"Well, I haven't eaten today," I thought, "that must be it."

Really felt tired on the drive home, and the headache kicked in, and I figured I just needed to eat.

Went to the grocery store, came home, fixed dinner...still tired.

Looked over one of my papers...tireder.

Watched South Park...more tired.

Noticed my throat is feeling a little sore.

Oh no.

A few minutes ago I realized my head felt a little stuffed up.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

Please don't let me be sick. I don't have time for this!


30 Nov 2000
That's better

Okay, first, the good news: I don't think I'm sick. At least, if I am, my body's doing a great job of fighting it off. Maybe that's why I was so tired yesterday, my body was just spending its energy on fighting off disease rather than on unimportant things, like consciousness. But anyway, I feel much better today, I don't seem to have a fever, my head isn't stuffed up, and my throat is only a tiny bit sore.

Now the bad news...hmmm, actually, there doesn't seem to be any bad news. Today was a pretty good day, I got quite a bit of work done (5 days 'til my first exam!), classes went well, there were lots of cute boys at school, so all in all, it was a happy happy day.

Here's a question...now, there are some boys at school who I know are gay, either I've talked to them there or seen them online. Why is it that these guys don't give me a second glance when they walk by? I mean, c'mon, I'm totally making eye contact with every cute guy I see just to see if I get a response in kind. =) But THESE guys actually seem intent on things like the conversation they're having with their friends, or watching where they're walking so they don't walk into a tree, or things like that. I mean, what is that all about? Didn't anyone ever tell them that gay men are supposed to be constantly casting their eye about for another gay guy?

Or is it that (dare I say it?) I just blend into the background, so they don't even notice me? Well, pop goes the bubble of MY self-esteem!!!

I had a very nice e-mail chat yesterday and today with Scott in Montreal. It seems he's writing a paper based in part on an article by a professor whom I have this semester. He started telling me his thoughts on this professor's theories, I responded with my own interpretation of those theories, and BANG, we were having a nice intellectual discussion right there on the screen. I love being able to sit down and compare thoughts with someone like that, almost as if I knew what I was talking about. I'd rather have that kind of chat in a coffeehouse than on a computer, but then again, they don't let you sit around in your underwear at a coffeehouse. At least, not the ones that I go to.

Speaking of underwear, I miss River. We talk a few times during the day, but I haven't seen him since Sunday, and I'm realizing I don't like it when i just see him on the weekends. When exams are over I'm going to have to do something about that.

Which reminds me, we have to plan our NYC trip. I can't wait!!!

I'm tempted to post some horrible, worst-case scenario predictions about the election. I have some thoughts on what could easily happen, and it would be fun to be able to point back and say, "there, I told you in my journal what was going to happen!!!" But what if I'm wrong? I guess the best thing to do would be to post nothing, then when it's resolved come back and edit these entries and THEN say, "told ya so!" That's what I learned in PhD school.