Singapore/KL Bangkok Stuttgart Washington DC Toronto Colorado Springs San Francisco

1 Oct 2000
And we're off!

OK. So. Ummmmmmmmmm. Hmm.
This is my journal. I guess.
So now what do I do?

I've never been able to keep a journal before, except for those times when I'm traveling and want to be able to look back on the trip later and remember it. Funny, you'd think I'd want to remember the events of this big trip called "life." But on the other hand, maybe it's nice to be able to forget every now and then.

Lately, though, I've found myself getting caught up in a couple journals, especially Chris M's. It's so cool to be able to share what's going on in his life. And there are a couple other folks, too, whom I've never met (or even talked to) whose lives are now an open book to me. This, to me (though not to some of the dinosaurs in my seminar on Social Capital) is a new form of relationship that broadens the old definition. It's a new way of making connections that is, frankly, pretty exciting. So I figured I'd add to the cacophony of online diaries. And since my website is designed in part to keep my friends all over the US up-to-date on my goings on, well, this can replace the old "News" page on my website.

But I'm hesitant. One reason I've avoided this is the role that other people play in my life. My friends are so important to me, so much a part of me, that they will invariably show up time and again here. Let's face it, a story of my life is a story of Andy, Tracy, River, Cory, Michael (all 6 of them!), and many, many others. Do I want (or do I have the right) to put our most intimate moments online for the world to see?

Well, of course I do. =)

But if I know they are likely to read this, will that temper what I write? Probably. That, however, will force me to look at the events in my life with a new outlook, and may impart some new wisdom to me. Or it may just be so frustrating that I shut the whole thing down in a week. We'll see.

OUR STORY THUS FAR
My name is William...Bill for short.
I'm 34, a grad student pursuing my PhD.
Washington, DC is home for me.
I'm dating a wonderful guy named River (who, sadly, is in Dallas for a month)
I love to travel.
I'm an eclectic Wiccan, practicing as a Solitare rather than part of a coven.

So now you know the basics.
Ready to take a wild ride with me?
Hang on. Here we go.

::LATER THAT SAME DAY::
If I ever turn into one of those guys in his 50s who just sits at the coffee house and stares at people, please kill me. Or give me a book to read. This guy at SoHo today was creeping me out. Every time I glanced up from my notebook he was staring at me or this one other guy. It makes me wonder what's going through his mind. Is he having a fantasy that involves me? Is he thinking, "I'll bet he has great feet and looks good in panties." Is he imagining the sound of my voice as I read Poe to him by candlelight? Or is he figuring out where to dump the body?

I love people-watching as much as the next guy (actually, more than the next guy) but c'mon, at least I'm a little more subtle so as not to scare anyone. He could at least smile; it's the seriousness on his face that terrifies me.

Why is it that when I'm at one end of P Street (down at 22nd, by SoHo or Badlands) I feel comfortable wearing very casual clothes, "hug a dolphin" t-shirts and the like, but then as soon as I cross DuPont Circle to the other end of P Street, I feel like I have to be wearing Gap? It's like two different worlds. I got the feeling I needed to change clothes in the Circle. I like to think that would've attracted a crowd.

River called while I was doing homework at SoHo. He was at a coffee house in Dallas called Crossroads. Afterwards, someone commented that I had a big smile on my face. Yeah. =)


2 Oct 2000
I hope the operator wasn't listening

heh heh heh

River called from Texas this afternoon. I was working on a paper, but I can certainly take time for my sweetie, right? Well, ya gotta give us credit; we had lasted at least 48 hours before having a phone call that turned to, well....you know. Things got kinda hot, and I figured it would be better if I wasn't sitting in front of the webcam for a while. Naturally, just as things were about to get their most interesting, his cell phone cut out. Fortunately, we managed to get back in touch before the moment totally wore off, and things finished up as they were supposed to.

(in case anyone didn't get that, we had phone sex)

Dave from Atlanta is coming to visit later this month. He's been stalking me on the web cam today. One thing I've noticed about having the web cam is that I pay a lot more attention to my appearance even when I'm just working in the apartment.

I'm having a helluva time motivating myself to finish a couple assignments for this week. This is not good. If I'm having trouble writing a couple of little papers, what's going to happen when I have to write a 200-page dissertation next year? Know what I need? Mentos!

The Olympics wrapped up last night. I don't know about you, but I think the Olympics are pretty cool. How great must it feel to work incredibly hard at something for years and then represent your country in front of the world? I mean, take Mark Ruiz of the US diving team. Forget, for the moment, how hot he is, what a great body he has, and just, ummmmm...what was I saying? Oh yeah, he's a great diver, uh huh, that's what I meant.

Now I'm off to drink coffee, read for class, and buy underwear. Not necessarily in that order.


3 Oct 2000
Rock the Vote

When I woke up this morning I realized why I've been so tired the last couple of days: I'm sick. Sore throat, fever, the fun stuff. Nothing sucks more than getting sick during school. Except maybe having your balls bitten off by a rabid high school cheerleader who just got cut from the squad. That would suck more.

I just watched the Presidential debate. Did you? (note: if you live outside the US, you are exempt from this requirement) I thought Gore knew what he was talking about, he definitely controlled the debate, and seemed like he's given a lot of thought to what he would do as President. On the downside, though, he seemed pretty arrogant at times. Bush, on the other hand, just seemed dumb. I heard that was trying to sound "not so smart" prior to the debate so as to lower expectations and make it easy for him to look like he surpassed those expectations. Unfortunately, no one told him that tonight was the night he was supposed to appear smart. What were you Texans thinking when you elected him Governor?

Speaking of Texas, that's where River is, and it sounds like he's kicking ass in his training. And it's only the second day. I knew he'd be one of the brightest guys there. I tried to convince him of that before he left, but I guess he just had to get there and learn it for himself. He's already making friends with a bunch of Brits. And he keeps hanging out in the gay part of Dallas, where I know he's attracting boyz. =)

You know, I love my friends. A lot. I especially love them when they send me e-mails like this:
I must say you are one of the brightest faces I know. I love getting your emails (like I love getting cock in my ass).
yeah, a message like that just SCREAMS "class."

Isn't it fun when you present a paper proposal in class, and it turns out your professor has written a paper on a similar topic before? If I do this right, I can look really good, and if I miss something, I could look really, really bad. No middle of the road on this one. At least he liked the idea.

sigh It's been a slow day. And I'm tired. And my body hurts. And I still hear that damn Texan on TV. So it's time for bed.


4 Oct 2000
oh dawson -- oh joey -- oh please

If your feet felt cold tonight, that's my fault, and I apologize. You see, Hell froze over tonight because I actually watched the season premiere of Dawson's Creek. I didn't mean to, I swear. But as I was driving home from school, I heard an ad for it on the radio, and I was looking for something to distract me from finishing my paper on Congress (which is due tomorrow, but I'm sure I'll get it done...maybe), and, well, we all know I'm into self-inflicting pain, so I figured, "why not?" Now I remember why not. I've actually watched this show a couple times before, and I guess I was just hoping there'd be something going on for Jack, the gay character. No such luck, it was all about stupid hetero lovey dovey stuff. Simulated 17-year old angst makes me whimper. Especially when it's portrayed by 26-year old actors.

(if you're a huge fan of Dawson's Creek, please ignore the paragraph above. it is the best show in the world. ever. really. i mean that.)

At least I seem to be getting over this sore throat/cold thing in record time. River told me about some herbal stuff that boosts his immune system, so I decided to try that. I can't believe it could have worked that quickly, but so long as I'm not dizzy anymore, I don't care why I feel better.

I watched two guys have sex on line tonight for a while. That was interesting. They were very cute. And a better distraction that Dawson and his friends.

I would not want to watch Dawson have sex. His hair would just bother me too much.


6 Oct 2000
go talk to him!

Well, it's 3:20am, and I just returned from College Night at Badlands. Ya gotta love it when a 34-year old gets in free for College Night (I knew that ID would come in handy for something other than the library). I don't make it out to College Night very often, seems like only a couple times a semester that I go. But I needed to get out and about tonight, this week has just been a bitch for some reason and I was in the mood to dance it out of my system.

I probably wouldn't have gone by myself, but I stopped by The Java Shack (which, according to Channel 5, is where DC's hottest bachelors hang out...but oh, the women are going to be disappointed cuz there's a reason we're bachelors. heh heh heh) and anyway, I was talking to Kenneth and I mentioned I might go out, and he said, "hey, let's both go." And that did it. Off we went.

I should mention who Kenneth is, since he doesn't show up on my Friends Page (not because I don't want him too, merely because I don't have a photo of him). Kenneth works at Java Shack and we met about a year ago. We enjoyed talking to each other, and he thought we could be pretty good friends. Unfortunately, I was in a really weird place at that point, very freaked out about school, wondering if I'd made a huge mistake by coming back, yadda yadda yadda, we've heard it all before. Anyway, I was tough to get with and I wasn't spending too much time with people, but Kenneth hung in there until this spring rolled around and I had calmed down again. I am so glad he did. He has turned out to be one of the most wonderful new friends I've made here, a very caring individual and a fun dance buddy. I'm pretty lucky to count him as a friend.

Naturally, we saw a guy that Kenneth thought was very cute, but he wouldn't go talk to him. Why is it that the great guys are so shy? I think he should have gone to talk with him, but then again, that's me, not him (in fact, I did say something to the guy). Oh, well, when he's ready to meet someone, he'll have no problem. Now, meeting someone nice, well, that requires some luck.

We ran into Big Gay Mike tonight, but he's another story in himself. =)

I also saw GI Mike, and I really need to get in touch with him.

I had hoped to see Gap Michael, but he wasn't out tonight.

And I ran into Lance, who I had danced with a couple times at Velvet this summer. I think I scared him when I approached him. What, isn't it normal for someone you've danced with twice in a huge club to come up to you a couple months later in a totally different setting? He seems like a nice person who would be a good guy to know, at least to be able to say hi to on occasion.

I'm not trying to make a LOT of close new friends here, though. Let's face it, I'm leaving in two years, and between now and then, I'm going to be a very busy boy. I want to be able to focus on the people who are already important in my life, rather tha trying split my time between lots of casual acquaintances.

Hmmm....on the other hand, it would be nice to know that a large percentage of the gay male population in DC will miss me when I'm gone. Well, we'll see.

There were some Mormon guys at a recruiting table in the student center today. Why is it the Mormons will take a couple of really hot college guys, send them out on a mission together, and then insist that homosexuality is a bad thing? I mean, c'mon, don't tease them like that and then take it away. Those boys are cute; let them have some fun!!

I got an e-mail from Andy today. He wrote from Switzerland, and as I'm typing this, he should be on his way to Paris for a couple days. Bitch.

River discovered a part of Dallas called Highland Park that he really liked. He seems to be a lot more enthusiastic about this training class. Good. He had me worried there for a while.

And yes...I finished my paper this morning, about 4 hours before class. Yay me.


7 Oct 2000
Wolverine!!!

Today has been a day of firsts.

I saw "X-Men" for the first time. I knew that if I waited long enough it would show up at the local cinema and drafthouse. I like being able to have a beer while watching a movie. When River gets back, we need to go there so we can snuggle in one of the loveseats.

And I met Atticus for the first time. He is a friend of ThatMichael (one of my many Michaels, and in fact, an old boyfriend and one of my best friends). I have heard about Atticus over the last year, and now I can finally put a face (and a smile) with the name.

And somebody sent his photo to my Hotmail account, someone I've never heard of. He claims we talked online and I asked for his pic. Hmmm, maybe someone gave out that address for some strange reason. But it's the first time something like that has happened.

Though of course, the weirdest picture story was when I was in Alabama and was IM'ing with someone there, and he sent me his pic, and, well, it turned out to be a picture of ME that he had downloaded from my web page. Hmmmm, I wonder how many other people he had sent that to before I caught him.

I got to bed at 4am and was awakened by the phone at 9:30. It was a telemarketer. I asked who they were representing, and when she told me, I said "you know, I don't have time for a solicitation right now," and hung up. Good for me, right? Well, after hanging up, I realized that the firm they are calling for was my mortgage company. I thought that name sounded familiar. Oops.

I decided to do as little work as possible today. Technically, I'm on Fall Break, though there's really no such thing when you're a grad student. But to celebrate, I went to Old Navy and bought some cool blue Techno Chinos. Right. Magic? Woof!

I am still giggling over a story from the club last night. Kenneth was going into the restroom and this BIG guy leaned over with a smile and said "hey, cutie!" Kenneth just smiled and walked on. As he came out of the bathroom, the guy grabbed his shoulder and started talking to him. It went something like this:

Big Guy: Hey, how ya doin'?
Kenneth: Fine.
Big Guy: Wow, you sure are cute
Kenneth: (shy smile)
Big Guy: C'mon, you should come talk to me
Kenneth: I think my boyfriend wants to go dance.
Big Guy: Oh, is your boyfriend here?
Kenneth: Yes, he's right behind you.
(cue BILL)
Big Guy: Hey, don't beat me up, I was just giving him a compliment
Bill: I understand, I give him compliments all the time!

Now, if I was smart, I would've just planted a big kiss on Kenneth right then, just to make Big Guy feel even more awkward, but I figured Kenneth's True Potential Future Husband (KTPFH) might see that, think we were a couple, and then they would never meet. And that would suck.

Yeah, X-Men was cool. If only the Harvey Milk School for gay youth could be as nice as Xavier's School for Mutants.


7 Oct 2000
4th and 10, might as well punt

Today was a very lazy day. I decided about 11am that today would be a day to watch college football. And so it was. Naturally, the day I decide to forget about work and watch football is the day that UVA's game isn't televised. But it's all good. UVA beat Maryland 31-23. And I saw some really good games, like Purdue beating Michigan and NC State almost beating Clemson. And of course, Oklahoma smacked the crap out of Texas.

Speaking of Texas, that, of course, is where River is right now. And River has a bad cold, which makes me sad. But the funny thing is, it occurred to me that he and I met 2 months ago today.

Now, this has been a very cool relationship to this point. And by that I mean, we're taking it at just the right speed (at least, from my point of view...I hope he feels the same!). A couple times in the past I've let myself go head over heels for someone WAY too fast. But this has progressed very, very nicely.

We actually chatted online for a while first. You see, we met when I found the website he runs that features original artwork, photos and poetry by whoever chooses to submit some. After I submitted some photos, and we had chatted back and forth for a couple weeks, we said we should meet up for coffee. I don't think either of us was seeing it as the start of a possible relationship, we were just interested in meeting someone new.

Well, we really hit it off that evening, as coffee turned into dinner (and he salted his tea instead of sugaring it). And over the next few weeks, as we spent time together and continued talking and getting to know each other, we recognized a mutual attraction. Soon "getting together" turned into "dating," and I am really enjoying being with him.

And...I miss him. I am really looking forward to his weekend home in 2 weeks!

For now, though, I just have to go out with other friends and try to have fun. =) Tonight I am headed to Velvet Nation with Michael, Steven, and Atticus. I had planned to go anyway, and Michael called yesterday and suggested we should all go. Sounds good to me. This is probably the last time I'll be there for a few weeks, so it will be fun to go dance and look at cute boys (and feel like a cute boy, too).

Guess I better go get ready.


8 Oct 2000
Was that

I awoke to the sounds of my neighbors having sex.

This is the first time I've heard them have sex. Probably because their bedroom isn't on the other side of my bedroom wall. Their kitchen is.

And that gives me mental images I don't even want to contemplate. Suffice it to say I'll never eat dinner over there.

At least, I hope they were having sex. My first thought was that he was beating her. She was making a lot of noise. I didn't want to listen. I really, really didn't. I mean, I really didn't. But I'd feel pretty stupid if I ignored it, and then the cops showed up in a couple days and found a body.

Come to think of it, I haven't seen her all day. And early this afternoon, he was dumping a lot of stuff down the trash chute. Hmmmmmmm.

Last night was mucho mucho fun. Michael, Steven, Atticus and I had a pretty good time at Velvet. The DJ in the Big Room seemed a bit off, but his choice of music got better around 2am or so. We ran into Richmond Michael (yay!), Big Gay Mike, Lance, and my favorite actor, Stephen M. I also spotted the guy that Kenneth seemed so interested in at Badlands Thursday. After chatting with him, I realized why he looked so familiar: I've met him before. He works at Banana, and when ThatMichael and I were dating, he was sending e-mails to Michael whom he'd recognized from the store (Michael, in case you didn't know, is single-handedly responsible for Banana Republic's financial success). Anyway, I had met up with Mister Banana about 6 months ago. I knew I knew him from somewhere.

Today was definitely an autumn day in DC. After arising at the early hour of noon, I fooled around here a bit, then headed to the library to collect some readings for Tuesday's class. Then it was off to SoHo to read for a while, and then naturally, it was time to go underwear shopping with Tracy. I have found this cool underwear made by RIPS that is a lot of fun to wear. I had to buy some more, and yes, I bought a pair for River; with his dark complexion, these white athletic briefs will look very, very...excuse me, I have to go take care of something for a sec.

Whew. OK, I'm back. Anyway, I haven't spoken with River yet today, just a couple e-mails back and forth. I hope he's feeling a lot better, he was not a happy camper on Saturday. Colds will do that, and his was a bad one. This is the first day since he's been gone that we haven't talked on the phone. I hope he calls me back tonight.

You know, I am a lot more relaxed this semester than I was last fall. I was very stressed out when I started back to school. I guess I've gotten a handle on what's important, and on what it takes to get it done. Either that, or I'm just getting lazier. Time will tell.


9 Oct 2000
the life of a student

For a while, the most interesting thing I had done today was read other people's journals. Not a good sign.

Fortunately, Kenneth called about 10:30 and wanted to get together and watch a movie. He hadn't done anything all day, either. So we watched Lion King. And that is pretty darned exciting.

River almost fell asleep in class today.

Being a student is cool, in a weird sort of way.


10 Oct 2000
Is that a flash of brilliance, or just a headlight?

I really am amazed sometimes.

Can you believe I'm working on my PhD? I can't.

When I was at UVA, I was not what you'd call the most academically talented one in the bunch. Sure, I was near the top of my high school class, but so was everyone else. And my first semester, when I took Russian, Calculus, Astronomy, Western Lit, and a couple small things (19 credits in all), just about kicked my ass. I had never seen numbers like that in a GPA before. I had never seen those letters on a report card before. It was unsettling. And then some. I told myself, "I'm not worried about grades, I just want to learn, and if that means taking classes so challenging that they lower my GPA, well, so be it." But that was kind of a rationalization. Truth be known, I was terrified. And it wasn't until my last year that I really figured out how to study so that I could actually grasp some of these concepts. I was very proud to earn a degree from Virginia, and I figured I'd never bother with a master's degree.

When I was at Regis University getting my MBA (apparently, you should never say never) I finally got my crap together. Over the course of 2 1/2 years, going to school at night, I earned that degree with a 3.97 GPA. My classes were challenging in a technical sense, but the only one that made me think deep thoughts was my ethics course. And even then, I never got to delve as deeply into those issues as I wanted to. As we got close to the end, my friends and I swore an oath to never do this to ourselves again. (you'd think I'd have learned not to use that word anymore, but nooooooooooo...)

When I was teaching college in Colorado, I felt pretty academic. I wrote articles and textbook chapters, and edited an academic journal. But I always felt like something was missing, like there were these people who thought on a higher plane than me, people for whom this sort of thing was easy.

When I was reading for class today, I glimpsed that plane. For a second.

I was sitting at a coffeehouse, reading for my seminar on social capital. The article dealt with the development of the bureaucratic culture of France. Fun stuff, right? Anyway, as I was sitting there making notes in the margins, I realized: I get this. I mean, I really get this. I can follow his logic; hell, I can anticipate what points he's going to make next. I can spot the missing arguments, I can judge the data, I can evaluate his theory and pick holes in his assumptions. Somewhere along the way, without realizing it, I've absorbed not only the material from my courses, but also a way of thinking that internalizes that knowledge and allows me to use it.

Holy crap. I just might be able to do this after all.

And believe me, this is a lot better than the realizations I was having at this point last year: that maybe I couldn't do this.

What a difference a year makes.


11 Oct 2000
Come...join us...

I felt like a missionary tonight. But in reality, I was just helping out The University at a local college fair.

Naturally, since we live in Virginia, a lot of folks are going to want info on UVA. I spent two hours at a nearby college fair with a couple Admissions Office reps and about a dozen other alumni (I get the award for "oldest alumnus to help out") and it was lots and lots of fun. Of course, there were a few disappointed faces when they'd ask questions like "what's the average SAT score?" (answer: 1310) or "what does my class rank have to be?" (answer: 85% of first-year students were in the top 10% of their graduating class -- can you tell I studied the stats in preparation for this?)

Naturally, I tried to steer the cute guys away from other schools and toward UVA. Just doing my part!

I felt really bad for one guy. As we talked, it was obvious that he was very smart and very outgoing. But his dad was unreal. As they walked past, he said "David, look, here's UVA. You know, they're the top-ranked public university in the country." I could tell ol' David wasn't all that impressed, but I gave him a big smile anyway and asked him if he had any questions about the school. "Tell me, how are your engineering and science programs?" asked his dad (as opposed to David asking the question). I looked at David (not at dad) and told him about the different degrees that are available. "David, ask him about IT programs." Oh, poor David. I was in his shoes when I was that age, parents trying to lead me like that, so I tried to focus on him, not on dad. After dad prompted a few more questions, David finally admitted that UVA wasn't his first choice. "What is?" I asked (note: once again asking David rather than dad). "McGill," he said, which is a school in Montreal, "I feel like I need to get out of the States for a while." Suddenly, I looked at this nice, polite guy with his good fashion sense, nicely highlighted hair, wanting to get out of the US for a few years and go to a more liberal and open-minded place, and I thought, "hmmmmm, looks like someone wants to get out of his closet." I remained engaged with him for a while, talking up McGill and Montreal (I've never been there, but I read the journal of a college student up there and he seems to like it) and trying to connect with him without having to go through his father. Overbearing parents can be such a pain in the ass, and I wish that when I was his age, older folks would have realized that and tried to deal directly with me while bypassing my parents. Oh, well. I hope he gets away from his folks for college, enrolls in a graphic arts program, falls in love with a wonderful man (if my gaydar was giving me proper signals, that is) and has an amazing life outside of daddy's control.

In other news, I switched my webcam to point to a different page so that River and I could have Internet sex. Now that was fun!


12 Oct 2000
Next I'll be conducting polls

Andy and I went to Java Shack for our weekly "get out and drink coffee with the masses" visit. He commented that he read something in my journal that he'd also heard me say to him. "I don't like getting reruns," he told me. What he doesn't realize is that I've been saying stuff to him before it goes into the journal. So he's not getting reruns; instead, he's like a focus group. And if he doesn't like the ending, well, I guess I'll change it.

I also told him that that conversation would end up in my journal. So he's reading it right now. Hi Andy! =)

Last night at the college fair I saw a high school guy with a rainbow ribbon pinned to his shirt. "OK," I thought, "I have no idea what that's all about, but you go boy." Then today, as I was reading Dreamboi's journal I saw that yesterday was National Coming Out Day. Oops. I completely forgot about that. And even though, for professional reasons, I'm not as open and out as some folks, I do try to come out to someone new on October 11th each year. And this year, I missed it. So let me make up for it:

I'm gay.

There, now I feel better. Don't you?

It occured to me today just how much work I have to do in the next 6 weeks. I have some major papers to do (a couple of which will tie directly into my dissertation next year) and I have a lot of research that I have to do. I think I'll get it done without too much trouble, but every now and then a new project (well, to be honest, a project that I had forgotten about) suddenly surfaces. The forecast calls for increasing stress throughout the month of November, followed by a sudden peak in mid-December, and lots of heavy drinking soon after that.

Tickets for the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City went on sale this week. I really would like to go to an Olympics, and I think this will be the last one in the US for a long, long time. I would like to see figure skating, some of the skiing events, maybe the luge. So I guess this is the time to go. But damn, it's expensive. On the other hand, what's money for, if not to do the things that bring you pleasure? I need to think about this over the next couple of days. Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket...

(Public policy definition -- "lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math")


14 Oct 2000
Gilbert spins in his grave

I went to a play last night. I had the strangest sense of deja vu. Could it be that I've pictured those scenes in my mind before? Could it be that I performed in that play in a past life during the 1940's? Or is it, possibly, the fact that I saw it just a couple weeks ago???

Last night I saw Hollywood Pinafore again, the parody of Gilbert and Sullivan that River and I saw the week before he went to Dallas. Tracy really wanted to go since his roommate, Stephen "In Some Scenes I Look Like Rick Moranis On Crack" Murphy was in it. (I should also add that there were fun performances by John "Number One in His Class at the William Shatner School of Acting" Bailey, Chris "I Look Like Niles Crane" Davenport, and of course, Mark "If You Think I'm Cute in the Zorro Mask, You Should See Me in Leather Chaps" Childers). Anyway, the friend Tracy was going to go with called in sick, and since I hated for him to go alone (and since I'll never pass up a free theater ticket) I suggested I go along. It was a lot of fun, as the show is pretty good, though as they were taking their bows I could tell they were all thinking "Only two more shows to go!!!".

Afterwards we went out for drinks at the Carlysle Grand, one of my favorite Virginia restaurants, and I got to meet some of the cast. Jeff, who plays a nelly synchophant but who isn't really one, was there along with his boyfriend David. There was also Travis the Pirate, who I think was flirting with me, but then again, we'd both been drinking, so it's tough to tell. And of course Hans, who finishes this show today and opens in Camelot tomorrow.

I like theater people. But lordy lordy, when you put 6 gay guys at a table, and 4 of them are actors, it gives a whole new meaning to the term drama queen.

I knew River would get a kick out of this. So I called him on his cell phone, and even though I couldn't really hear him well, I had everyone say hi to him. I haven't talked with him yet today, so I'm not sure what he thought of that.

Speaking of drinking last night, I had a chocolate-raspberry martini, which I highly recommend. Then I had a Long Island Iced Tea. I think that's the first time I've had one of those since college. Good thing I wasn't driving. Or walking very far.

Tonight is another theater night. I met up with someone a couple weeks ago, the roommate of an intern I worked with this summer. He's an actor, finishing up his last year of school, and just finished a show, so he'd like to go see some other plays. Naturally, his theater friends are all in shows, so he and I are headed out tonight. I think he's straight. I kinda hope so; it would be nice to have some straight friends here (especially straight friends who might be able to get me free tickets!).


15 Oct 2000
Why I Like DC

I love living in a multicultural neighborhood. It's so cool to have the mentally ill stumbling down the street, shouting out to the world, in a different language. Why, in most places, all you ever hear is English!

Yesterday I was sitting here in my office at home, doing some research. Looking out the window, I noticed someone walking out of the garage, the entrance to which is right below my window. A fireman. Hmm. Wearing all his breathing apparatus. Hmmmmm. Then I saw the three fire trucks in front of my building with their lights on. HMMMMMMMMMMM????

Yes, they never sweat the small stuff here in DC.

I made it to the gym 4 times this week. I am making the effort to get back into the habit, a habit I fell out of during summer classes. My plan is to get up and head to the gym first thing in the morning, but if I'm going to do that, I need to start getting to bed before 1am. At one point, not too long ago, I had a body I was very happy with. Now, while it's still okay, there is definitely some "pooching" around the tummy. Not all that bad, but I definitely don't feel like taking my shirt off when dancing. (and a cry of "thank GOD!!" rises from the crowd) It's not like I feel I have to be some totally toned gym bunny, but dammit, I once had the self-discipline to get where I wanted, and I'd like to think I can still set a goal and accomplish it. Also, River has an incredibly wonderful body, and he deserves to look at a good one in return. =)

Nick and I enjoyed the play last night, which was very visual and kind of...hmmm, I don't know if "experimental" is the right word, but it conveys what I mean. We saw Dostoevsky's "The Idiot," and I still haven't figured out all the love-geometry that was going on (it was more involved than a love-triangle). One of the actors was celebrating his 70th birthday last night, as well as his 50th year on stage and his 253rd character. Very cool. Afterwards we went for drinks and the waitress started hitting on Nick when she realized he was the only straight single guy in the place. The more he had to drink (including the Long Island Iced Tea she bought him) the more attracted to her he seemed to get. He got over it, though, and I think the highlight of his evening was the Hispanic drag queen who give him a LOOK like you wouldn't believe.

River sent me an entry from his journal last night, and I am SO happy for him. He has spent his weekend exploring Dallas, and it sounds like he's really enjoying it. He managed to get lost downtown, which as all seasoned travelers know is the best way to learn about a city. He managed to find a couple very cool parts of town, and saw an amazing IMAX show. I am really, really happy for him, as I know he was apprehensive about going there, but it sounds like it's turning out great! We may even schedule a trip back there sometime so he can show me some of the places and the people he has found.

Today was mostly a research and reading day for me. I spent about an hour reading down at SoHo, which is becoming something of a Sunday ritual for me. Maybe when River gets back we can spend some time together just reading on Sunday afternoons, me with my homework, him with some fun reading. Sure, it may not sound exciting to most, but it would be nice to spend some time together that doesn't involve lots of planning and running around. And let's face it, I've got to do my homework whether he's with me or not.

But we'll see. And we can talk about it soon. 'Cuz he comes back to visit for a weekend in 120.5 hours. Isn't it pathetic that I know how many hours are left before his plane lands?


16 Oct 2000
Up, Up, and Away

As I watched out the window today, I saw two Porta-Johns being lifted by a crane over the construction site across the street. Potty-On-A-Stick.

I sure hope no one was in them.

It occured to me today that I was wise not to hitch my wagon too tightly to my research office at school. (and now I'll say the same thing, but in English) It occured to me today that the research program I came into at the university is not the best organized. Actually, I've known that for a while, but it really hit home today. The only person there with a PhD is a visiting professor, the Director is either running around the world or spending his days with a phone stuck in his ear at the office, the courses (well, one of them anyway) are a joke, and there's not a really strong work ethic there. Now, some academic-types would look at that and say, "great, an unstructured environment, it'll let me be creative." And well it might. But I need some structure at this point, because instead of being a research professor with flexible deadlines, I am a grad student who needs to complete his courses by next May and finish his dissertation by August 2002 in order to take the job that's waiting for me at a college in Colorado. I don't think these guys have my needs in mind when they are conducting business, and as a result, I'm going to focus my attention on other professors. Like, maybe, the ones who are going to be evaluating my dissertation.

Speaking of my job, I got some interesting news this weekend. It looks like, instead of just going back to full-time teaching, I'll most likely go back as the #2 guy at a research institute that oversees a lot of national security policy research for the DoD and other agencies. I'll split my time between the Institute and teaching, and then after 2 or 3 years, step into a teaching and leadership position back in the political science department. Not bad, eh?

And speaking of military stuff, I noticed something in a conversation with two people this weekend. One was 21, the other was 19, and neither of them seemed very familiar with the Cold War. I mentioned the ICBMs in Wyoming, and after we determined what an ICBM was (that's an intercontinental ballistic missile, armed with nuclear warheads, for those who don't know) they were suprised to hear that there are 200 such missiles spread around Wyoming, Nebraska, and Colorado (to say nothing of the other 300 in North Dakota and Montana). That's not the first time I've noticed that; when I taught in 1993-1997, my students had trouble understanding some of the mindset of Americans in the Cold War. For me, who went to high school and college in the 80s (and who, admittedly, came from a military family) such things seemed to be common knowledge. I'm getting the impression that the Cold War is to today's college students what Vietnam was to my friends and I: an interesting historical phenomenon that we didn't know much about.

I think I have something to say on the nature of dating and relationships. But I'm gonna hold off until I think about it some more. I'm noticing trends in the different journals I read, but I need to consider what I'm seeing before I commit myself to an idea by writing it down (it's a pity more academic-types don't do that, huh?)


17 Oct 2000
Relationships

I started writing an entry about relationships. I've been noticing some trends in different journals that I find really interesting.

But I'm not going to finish it. Because as I rambled on, I realized I didn't really know what I was talking about. When I've been married to the same man for 30 years, then I'll probably have a pretty good idea of what works and what doesn't. But for now, I should probably just shut up and watch, and maybe learn something.

I just hope that people who feel lonely, who feel incomplete because they don't have a partner, will realize that if they are unhappy alone, they will ultimately be unhappy with a partner. Having a boyfriend just because you feel alone is a recipe for heartbreak. You should date a guy because you want to date him, not because you want to date someone. It's unfortunate when people rush into something without giving it time to develop, because in most cases, everybody gets hurt in the end. Two happy individuals who come together will make a far better couple than two unhappy individuals who hook up with each other.

Maybe that's one reason my friends are so important to me. Many of them are people who I think could have been a fun romantic partner in my life, but the circumstances weren't right for one or both of us. Rather than pushing for something that wouldn't have worked out (and ended up with nothing) we created a wonderful friendship that in some cases has lasted over a decade.

Talking about relationships makes me want to call and talk to River. Wish he'd get off the phone. =)


19 Oct 2000
Abracadabra

Today was a good day at school. I started my long dissertation process, I got some work done on an important paper that I need to have a draft of by tomorrow, and I was ravaged by three hot boyz in a mens room at the student center. Oh, wait. That first thing didn't really happen. And by first, I mean last.

But I have taken the first tentative steps toward my dissertation, which must be completed by August 2002. Sure, that's almost 2 years away, so no problem, right? Well, there are a few hurdles along the way. One of them is that I need to put together a committee of three professors with whom I will work throughout the process. I spoke today with the man who I was thinking might serve as the chairman of that committee. While he's willing to be a part of it, I think he's hesitant to be the chair, as my subject is a little outside his specialty. Hmmmmm, time for Plan B. Anyway, I still have to finish my courses (I'll be done next May), take my field exam (which demonstrates my thorough understanding of the work that's already been done in my field), have my dissertation proposal approved, then research and write it. Actually, I've already started researching it, as I've had a general idea what I want to do ever since I started school, so all my papers so far have been focused on that topic. I've also started outlining the proposal, which will be about a 20-30 page paper itself (the dissertation is likely to be 150-200 pages -- I'm essentially writing a book). I'm probably a little ahead of where I need to be, but that's because I'm trying to do in 3 years what many people take 5-7 years to do. Yay me. Woo hoo.

Last night I stumbled across the website of David Gerrold, one of my favorite science fiction authors. I didn't think he'd published anything in years, but he had a book come out in early 2000, and I've apparently missed a couple others as well. Too cool. David Gerrold, for those who don't know, got his start as the writer of the famous "Trouble With Tribbles" episode of the original Star Trek, and he's written lots of cool things ever since. I picked up a non-fiction book by him when I was like 8 years old, and it opened up the world to me. Through him I learned about other authors, and a love for science fiction was born. I read a lot of adult-oriented books when I was very young, and fortunately my parents had no idea what I was reading, because this stuff introduced me to politics, sociology, science, and yes, sex. The weird thing about finding his website was seeing his photo. The only picture I'd ever seen of him was from the 1960s, and that is the image I've always carried with me. Seeing him as a man in his 50s blew me away. I think I may have grown up a little more upon finding his photo last night; it's like another part of my childhood just went farther into my past. Damn. I hope I didn't get a wrinkle in the process.

I just checked. No wrinkle. Just laugh lines. Ha.

Halloween is approaching, and my Tuesday night class will not be meeting that night. Cool. I was tempted to thank my professor for letting us out on a religious holiday, but he's very conservative, so I don't think I'll tell him I'm Wiccan. Lately I've been thinking a lot about Wicca. I appreciate it as a philosophy that helps me feel comfortable with who I am and with my place in the world, my connection with other things and other people. I've noticed, though, that ever since the first of the year I haven't really taken advantage of all it has to offer. There are many practices that can help relieve stress, focus one's mind, and help bring inner peace, yet I've resisted them. I tell myself I'm too busy, running too fast, to think about rituals and candles and Calling the Quarters. But Goddess knows I could use a stabilizing force right now, especially as I prepare to enter a very busy few weeks (November's gonna be a bee-otch). It's almost like an emotional block is keeping me from stopping long enough to cast a Circle and take a good look at my soul. Maybe I'm afraid of what I'll find? I thought I had figured out the problem months ago, and had overcome it, but there's something else going on. Maybe I just want to enjoy the experience with someone else, instead of alone. Maybe I feel like there's too much stored up inside me now and it'll be too much if it all comes out at once. Maybe I'm just a fruitcake. Who knows?

Here's what I do know...River's plane touches down in 24 hours and 8 minutes. Yay!!

Is that why I'm rambling tonight? Because I'm excited to see him? But I have definitely been Ramble Boy this evening. Andy and I went to Java Shack and we met a friend of Kenneth's. I think I scared him. A lot. Too much energy coming out of me. And he was a lawyer. I didn't think they scared that easily.

Boo.

20 Oct 2000
A River Runs Through Me

It seems all my counting down was for naught. Guess which hot boy's plane left Dallas over an hour late tonight?

Oh, well, picking up River at 1:30am may not seem as nice as picking him up at midnight. But it's far better than having him in Dallas. I have missed that guy. It's been a little weird, I mean, he left on this trip as we were moving from the "don't really know each other all that well" awkward-stage to the "really comfortable with each other" phase, and then BOOM, he was gone. On the one hand, we may need to spend a little time getting to know each other again at first. On the other, he may take me with the passion of a she-wolf defending her cubs. Who knows? But I'm meeting the plane with flowers and champaigne.

Speaking of which, I need to get a few things together and head out there. I'm going to get there early just in case they make up some of the time in the air.


21 Oct 2000
Light The Fire Within

So now I suppose I should tell everything that has happened since River got here last night.

Fat chance.

Suffice it to say that he made it here, though the plane was an hour and a half late. But at least he was flying on Legend Airlines, the all-first-class airline, so he was getting free drinks.

We got to bed pretty late, but got up at a fairly decent time today. When he started stealing my covers this morning, I took that as a sign that it was time for me to get up. =)

We spent the morning and part of the afternoon together, then I took him home so he could pay bills, get caught up on some stuff, that sort of thing. He also brought back a bunch of clothes that he didn't really need there (this means he can now buy a bunch of NEW clothes there because he has an empty suitcase!). While he was doing that, I was watching Virginia get the sh*t kicked out of it by Florida State. I love college football, but I don't always like certain college football players. Oh, well, we were supposed to lose that game anyway.

I was also making CDs with my CD-RW drive. Naturally, after 1 CD, the computer quit recognizing my drive. Sigh.

Tonight we're getting Chinese food and watching some anime. Then later we're catching a film at the gay and lesbian filmfest downtown. Yay!

Today's other big news is...

I BOUGHT TICKETS TO THE 2002 WINTER OLYMPICS!!!!!!

Yep, Billy is headed to the Salt Lake City games!! I got tickets for two to two days worth of events (hotel included). Me and (insert name here) are going to see the finals of the Men's Figure Skating (on Valentine's Day, no less) and the ski jump. We'll also see some ice hockey and cross country skiing. I've wanted to go to an Olympics for a long time, and now I am. This is way too cool!!!!!

Now I'm off to have some General Tso's chicken. Yum!!


22 Oct 2000
What a nice weekend

Do you ever have one of those weekends where you start making big plans, then you realize all you really want to do is spend time with someone? Well, that's what we had.

River and I had talked about different things we wanted to do during his visit home this weekend. Even as we talked about it, I thought "that's a lot of stuff. I doubt we'll be that ambitious." Sure enough, we didn't bother with shopping for a winter jacket for him or going to brunch at the Carlysle Grand today (I made breakfast here instead -- with Mimosas, of course!), or checking out the changing leaves along Skyline Drive. Those are the sorts of things we can do when he's back for good (except possibly for the leaves -- but who knows?). We had about a day and a half to spend together, so rather than spending all of it running around, we just spent it being comfortable together.

And it was good.

Last night I went over to his place and we had Chinese takeout and watched a really spooky science-fiction/suspense movie called The Dark City. Very good, and some very interesting plot twists. We hung out at his place for a while, then headed into the city to see 101 Rent Boys at the gay and lesbian film festival. Interesting look at the world of prostitution. A friend of mine used to do that, so it's very good for me to try to get a better sense of what his life was like then. There was a very old guy sitting a couple seats down from me who brushed his foot up against my leg a few times. Maybe it was just accidental (I hope so!) but it seemed like he had to stretch a long way to do that.

Taking the Metro home we saw some flaming little club kids heading back out into the 'burbs. River commented that you see a lot more of that now than you did 10 years ago. Well, 10 years ago I suppose there was more chance of getting the crap kicked out of you. It's still a concern, certainly, but I hope that people in their late teens and early twenties realize that things are a LOT better now than they were a decade ago. Oh, yeah...you're welcome. =)

We managed to get River to the airport on time today, though just barely; they were boarding his plane as we got to the gate. But I talked to him tonight and he got home okay. He's met some friends down there, and is enjoying it a lot more now than he was 3 weeks ago.

Coming back into the garage tonight I ran into Andy, who was with Chris, a fellow he recently started seeing. I mention this because Chris told me he's keeping up with my journal every day to see if 1) I'm repeating myself, and 2) if Andy is mentioned, and if so, what he's doing. Well, now not only is Andy mentioned, but so is Chris. Hi Chris!

This is the first Sunday in a while that I haven't made it to SoHo to have coffee, do homework, and people watch. But I really needed to get work done on this paper, so staying home was the best idea. Funny how you get used to patterns, though, 'cuz now I feel like something was missing from my day.

Peter in LA had to work today. He's a fashion designer and has a big deadline coming up, so his boss has been riding him pretty hard (and not in the good way!). Of course, even if you have to work on a Sunday, how bad a day can it be when you live in Hollywood? Peter impresses me. He was working in marketing in New York after college, then decided to do what he always wanted to do: design fashion. So he picked up and moved to LA ten years ago and has been doing what he's wanted to do ever since. I love it when people follow their dreams.

I am a tired puppy dog this evening, and I still haven't finished that paper I was working on. I need to get it done Monday, 'cuz I have another visitor getting here Wednesday. Does it seem strange that I get more visitors living in DC than I did living in Alabama? Nah, not to me, either.


23 Oct 2000
These Friends of Mine

Friends are cool.

Sometimes they make you smile, sometimes they make you cry, sometimes they make you laugh, sometimes they make you run through the woods late at night while they and a pack of rabid zombies with an insatiable taste for human flesh run after you in hopes of getting at least a finger.

At least, that's what MY friends do.

Tracy forgot that I gave him a birthday present. A couple weeks after his birthday this summer we were talking and he said, "so are you ever going to give me that present you promised me?" I guess I was kinda speechless, but I collected myself and said, "don't you remember? I drove up to Rehobeth Beach to be with you for your birthday, and gave you an framed black and white photo of the Washington Monument with the scaffolding around it?" Which is what I knew he wanted, so I planned ahead to get it for him. "Oh, yeah, that's right, I feel so dumb. Sorry!" He was suitably embarrassed.

But it gets better.

A couple weeks ago, he said "ummm, about the photo, well, you're going to hate me." I thought he was going to tell me he'd knocked it over and broken the frame or something. But apparently someone had asked him where the photo was from, and he named some photographer who published a number of photos of the Monument while it was undergoing renovation. His roommate heard that and said, "Tracy, Bill took that photo." Tracy didn't believe him at first, then finally realized that not only had I given him the photo, I had taken it myself the day before the scaffolding started coming down.

So here he is apologizing to me because he thought it was professionally done. Please!!! I'm flattered.

Tracy's biorhythms were off this weekend, I think, but he is still one of the happiest people I know. He just doesn't realize it all the time.

Ah, my friends...

I was talking to Nick on the phone tonight and he mentioned something called "the Mizener Method." It's a teaching tool for actors in which they repeat the same phrase to each other over and over with different tones, inflections, and emphasis each time, so the same phrase means many different things. "That sounds neat." "That sounds neat." "That sounds neat." "That sounds neat." (okay, you have to imagine the different tone of voice for each one yourself. There are limits to what I can do with this diary.) Well, anyway, we did that until it got old, which, frankly, was pretty quick.

Ah, my friends...

Matt has disappeared. Oh, I don't mean no one can find him, he's probably still living at the same place, and I see him online every now and then. But he's disappeared from my life. And that's a real shame, 'cuz I miss him. We were roommates for a few months in Alabama, and got to be pretty close friends. We seemed to care a lot for each other, at least, he made it appear it was mutual (and no, not romantically involved, just very good friends). But the last time I spoke with him on the phone was in January. I got two e-mails from him after that, the last in April. I tried to get in touch with him regularly, but finally gave up in June when my phone calls weren't getting returned and my e-mails and letters weren't being answered (in fact, he deleted a few of my e-mails without reading them). It's tough to know what's going on with someone when they won't talk to you or explain their actions. I hope he's okay; he kind of got off the path he was on, he quit going to college and I don't know if he ever started up again. I'm concerned, I guess. I still care about him a lot, I hope he's doing well, and I hope he realizes he can call on me if he ever needs me. Hardly a day goes by that I don't wonder how he's doing.

Ah, my friends...

...are so cool.


26 Oct 2000
It happened

First, let me tell a story to explain what "it" is:

When I was an undergrad I was taking an Anthropology course, and one day we sat in our discussion section waiting for our teaching assistant, Kevin, a PhD student. Kevin walked in a few minutes late with a strange look on his face and said "I just had an epiphany walking across Grounds. Everything came into focus. Everything fell into place." As a doctoral student he had been studying anthropology very intensely, and finally, the meaning of it all became clear.

Well, now I'm the doctoral student, getting my PhD in Public Policy, and Wednesday night, that happened to me.

I was in a comparative policy class, and it's a course I'm taking with a professor from whom I'm also taking a seminar on Tuesday nights, a seminar on social capital (which is defined as the shared norms and values that enable members of a society to interact better, which has serious economic and political implications) . In Wednesday's class this week we were also talking about social capital, so naturally I'd heard a lot of this before (in fact, the professor put me on the spot with some questions early in the class). So, there I sat, and as the class went on I felt some things starting to connect in my head. "That's cool," I said to a friend during the break, "some of this is making more sense. I guess I just need to hear it a couple of times."

After the break, a student got up to give her a presentation. She's from Malaysia, and English isn't her first language, so she was reading straight from her paper -- the same paper she'd handed out to all of us. Losing interest in this quickly, my mind started to wander. Some more things started making sense. Then I glanced down and read a quote she'd pulled from a book we'd read (and which I'd read 3 times before) and suddenly, like a flash in my head, it all started coming together. Imagine a bunch of clouds rolling in, all stopping at the same spot, forming a single cloud that gets bigger and bigger and BIGGER, with thunder rumbling and flashes of lightning escaping, and that's what was happening inside my head! I started scribbling a few notes in my notebook, then writing a few more things relating to some papers I'm working on, then a couple things related to the Presidential election, and then and then and then IT ALL STARTED POURING OUT. I was paying NO attention to anything else in the classroom. I was just writing and writing and sketching diagrams and it all made sense! I understand why the US has such a weak and limited government, and I see how social interaction and civic associations keep it that way and I realize how a weakening in the social structure leaves a gap that governments try to fill with more programs (and thus, more power). I see what happens when changes in society are ignored or derided rather than being incorporated into the social fabric. I understand why the military seems so fragmented and disjointed since the end of the Cold War. I understand what the Presidential candidates propose, and worse, I realize why it won't work!!!! It makes sense to me why recognition of gay marriages by the government, whether you call it "marriage," "civil union," or "Justin and Chris sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g," is so critical not only for gay people, but for American society as a whole!!!!

How many times did I have to hear it? How many times did I have to see the same chart on a blackboard? How many times did I need to read the same quote from de Tocqueville's Democracy in America? I don't know. I do know that I felt sorry for all the other people on the road last night because I definitely wasn't focusing on driving.

I was good, though, I didn't try to explain all of this to River over the phone last night, as this is just too much information (and raw intellectual exhiliration) to try to communicate over the phone line. I can't believe I'm actually trying to collect these thoughts electronically, but someday, I want to be able to look back and remember this experience.

But I feel sorry for my friend Dave, who's visiting from Atlanta, because he got to hear all this over dinner last night. I am such a mess. I'm still buzzing today. I am seeing the world through much clearer eyes.

And I have a meeting in two hours with that professor. We're supposed to talk about my dissertation. But I'm so high right now, with this spaced-out look on my face, and I know I'm going to have to talk about what happened last night.

Oh my god, this is so cool. I get it now.


27 Oct 2000
And another thing about you...

Don't you hate it when someone is ALWAYS critical? Whether it's of you, of men in general, of movies, of pink fur (well, we're all critical of pink fur -- at least, we should be) it gets OLD after a while. Don't you wish they'd just go get laid or something? If they aren't directly critical, they ask you questions that communicate their criticism, like "why would you do it THAT way?" Why is it some people never have a nice thing to say about anything or anyone? And then they wonder why they don't meet anyone nice, or why people don't call them again.

My car is in the shop tonight. He's having his windshield replaced. I feel so...empty without him.

I am off with a friend to a country/western bar tonight. I don't country dance (in fact, I don't like CW music, but he's from out of town and wants to go, so to Remington's we will go). I do, however, have pointy-toed cowboy boots from my days in Wyoming. I also have a black cowboy hat, but I think I'll go without that tonight. Of course, in Wyoming, if you wear a hat into a country bar, you'd better be a real cowboy, 'cuz if you ain't, there are plenty of real cowboys who will happily kick the shit out of you. For free.

There was a bar in Cheyenne, The Cheyenne Club, that had a sign which read "Anyone caught fighting will be permanently barred from this establishment." It wasn't just for show. But I'm betting a lot of the guys there didn't know what "barred" meant. In fact, I'll bet a lot of them didn't know what most of those words meant.

Wow. I haven't thought of The Cheyenne Club in years. Of course, that was during my straight phase. My 26-year straight phase. What can I say, I was a confused young man.

Halloween is approaching. Yay! I've been giving some thought to what I'm going to do that night. Of course, it's known as Samhain on the Wiccan calender, and I am thinking of doing something to start re-immersing myself in Wicca. Better go get some candles!!!

Hmmm. What's that smell...?


30 Oct 2000
What does

Well.

I haven't updated this in a couple days, but it's not my fault. I swear. I've had plenty of things to write about, but my DSL service has been very unpredictable (in fact, I expect it to go down on me any second...but then at least SOMETHING would be going down on me...oh, wait, I didn't really say that, did I?). I haven't had much in the way of Internet connectivity for a couple days, so this may be a long entry in an attempt to catch up. I am tired of Verizon. I would consider switching DSL providers, but there's really no guarantee that anyone else (like AOL, for instance) would be any better.

There has definitely been a change in the weather here. I got up yesterday to go to Starbucks (not something I normally do, but I was in the mood for one of their scones). Anywayz, it was about 9am, and it was a tad nippy. Or "nipply." The temp was about 40 degrees according to the fine folks at the Weather Channel, and that's a little colder than I like. Unless I have someone to snuggle up with. Which I didn't. Dammit. 11 days until River gets home.

But I spent Sunday working my ass off (I have to sit on a pillow now because I have no ass left) and in the process completed a 21-page paper I've been working on the last couple of weeks. This isn't for a class, it's just a research project one of my professors suggested. However, as I got into it, I found that it could be really useful in helping me design my dissertation next year (in fact, this paper could easily be a chapter in it). This has been a monkey on my back, and I'm glad to finally be done with it. For now, anyway.

Last night I watched the X-Files season finale again, just so I'll be up to speed for the season premiere next week. I watched it up at Andy's place, and he was drinking beer and eating Pop Tarts on his new couch. I was impressed; I figured it would be at least a month before food would be allowed on the couch. Though I think red wine is still prohibited. As is nudity.

Virginia won this weekend. Yay! They are now 5-3 on the season. They are most likely going to lose to Virginia Tech (sorry, guys, but I call 'em like I see 'em), and I am hoping they can beat Georgia Tech and NC State. That will probably get them a bowl bid. The Ga Tech game is on ESPN, the Va Tech game is on CBS Thanksgiving weekend, and River and I are planning to drive down for the NC State game. So I should be seeing some good Virginia football in November. Did you know that there are only 4 Division 1-A football teams that have won at least 7 games for the last 13 seasons? Florida State, Nebraska, Michigan, and...Virginia!! We may suck on occasion, but at least we're consistent.

I feel, for a change, like I'm pretty well caught up on schoolwork. I know that will change next week when I have 2 papers due, but right now, I feel good about it. I have 3 big papers (20-30 pages) due by the end of the semester, and I have gotten started on all of them, but the big push needs to begin soon. I want to have all my research done by mid-month so I can spend the last couple weeks of November writing them, without worrying about deadlines. Naturally, knowing me, I will get caught trying to finish them as the deadlines approach, but at least I know I am starting early enough to do a good job on them.

A friend suggested I start writing "blind items" in this journal. You know, those are the little gossipy bits about people that never really identify who the subject is, but which drop enough hints that people can make pretty good guesses. My friend, who is a big fan of such things in the paper and on the Web, needs to be careful. I wouldn't be "Lion" if I said that he's got a few fun-filled tales of his own, so he might read about himself in here as he's eating his morning muffin. (okay, that's going to be a little too obscure for most people, but HE knows who he is!)

I've got a bunch of work to do today, so I should get back to it. I went down to Java Shack and visited with Kenneth for a bit, and tonight I'm hoping to have dinner with Sean who's in for a few days from Colorado. Then I think I'm off to a book signing; Felice Picano is going to be at Lambda Rising, and I'd enjoy meeting him.

Oh, and I need to go learn about anthrax.

Don't ask.


31 Oct 2000
Samhain

Today most Wiccans celebrate Samhain, to many the most important of the Sabbats. It marks the end of one cycle of the Earth and the beginning of a fresh one. Naturally, I celebrated it by going to see Blair Witch 2, which included a witch who was almost too full of Wiccan Pride. But I digress.

I spent little time working today, preferring instead to do some personal things and spend a little time in reflection. I put together a page on my website about River, to whom I feel myself growing closer. I cleaned out the drawers of my file cabinet, finally throwing away those things that are out of date and unnecessary, making room for the new thoughts and writings that mark my passage through school. In the process, I came across a few things that somehow got stuck in there: a very personal and thought-provoking note from Kevin, written a few months before we both came out; the last note my grnadmother sent me before she suddenly passed away in 1994; paperwork that was completed at the very beginning of my career; and some other things dating back to college.

This turned into a day filled with a lot of reflection. It's amazing to me how I've changed over the last year. At this point in 1999 I was a mess. I hadn't yet gotten any grades or other feedback since starting school, and I was afraid I wasn't doing well and wouldn't make it through the program. I was upset with myself for burying myself in my books and missing out on what DC has to offer. I was hurt and despondent over a relationship that had failed months before. In short, despite being ecstatic about being out of Alabama, and regardless of the fact that my friends seemed amazed that I maintained the social life that I had, I nevertheless had a well of unhappiness in my life. Today, I'm far from perfect. But I'm secure in the feeling that I will get through school with flying colors (last week's epiphany helped a lot), I'm enjoying DC in all its glory, and I feel more confident that I can contribute to a strong relationship.

A lot of this I feel is due to the friends I've made over the last year, as well as to a few folks who've been with me longer. I draw a great deal of strength from my friends, especially when I see them standing tall in the face of adversity. What I learn from them helps me grow. What they learn from me makes me proud. All in all, a fair trade off.

And with that, I'm off. My candles are arrayed, my athame is out, my pentacle is sitting in the center of the table...tonight I'm going to cast a Circle for the first time in a long time. I think one reason I've hesitated for so long is that I never want to bring negative energy into a Circle. But tonight, it's all good.

It's cool to be a witch. =)